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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not bothering with summer holidays- ungrateful kids?

263 replies

Tethersend01 · 17/04/2022 21:15

We have two Kids ages 12 and 15.
To set the scene Myself and DH had horrible childhoods (poverty, abuse etc) and have worked hard in every way to ensure our kids lives are a world away from our own experiences
We have always made an effort with Summer holidays, mainly holidays in the UK ( hotels since they have been older and things like Centreparcs) also driven abroad, France, Eurodisney etc.
I have a huge fear of flying (flew a lot when I was younger) due to two horrific experiences and I have no interest in ‘getting over’ this.
It’s literally the only thing I’m not prepared to do holiday wise.
Now, I will say at this point, holidays are not something I particularly enjoy, they are not relaxing for me and even the fully catered ones are rather stressful overall.
Anyhow, both boys now want to go abroad but only on a plane.
One wants to go to the USA the other wants to go to skiing (we don’t ski).
I suggested a cruise on one of theuxuryvfamily cruise liners one where you stop off at lots of places but they are both refusing to even consider that. They are refusing a UK holiday or to drive to the continent.
I’m at a loss and seriously fed up.
I’m being made the scapegoat as they are blaming my lack of flying and as time goes on its less and less likely we will be anle to book anything at all.
AIBU not to bother this year?

OP posts:
TheMadGardener · 18/04/2022 11:53

TBH your boys do sound a bit spoilt. In the end you are the adult so you get the casting vote on where you are going on holiday.

Remind them that when they are adults they will be able to make their own decisions and book flights to wherever they like. But for now they have to abide by a family decision.

I am a widow with two teenage daughters. We all like travelling and we discuss our possible destinations for trips but ultimately I am the adult so I have the casting vote. They know that when they are adults they will have the freedom to make their own travel decisions.
Be the parent, book what you and your DH decide, sons may moan for a bit but not forever, they are unlikely to moan for the whole holiday!

breakdown19 · 18/04/2022 11:55

Can I ask why don't you enjoy holidays?

SexyLittleNosferatu · 18/04/2022 12:15

@PlasticineMeg

This thread just proves my point earlier. That no matter what people do for their kids, sometimes they’ll always whinge and criticise no matter what they get.
And other mothers tell you how selfish you are for not doing exactly what you're spoiled entitled brats want!

They'd never get a holiday off me again if they were mine. No wonder there's so many entitled gobshite kids running around. They obviously have parents like the ones on this thread.

sleepymum50 · 18/04/2022 12:24

Can you drill down and ask them why they insist you have to go with them. YANBU

I would have thought a dad and two sons would relish the chance to do something adventurous.

mrziggycoco · 18/04/2022 12:31

They sound spoiled and unappreciative and this would make me fume. I had Blackpool my entire childhood and loved it. We went abroad but it's a luxury, not something that just gets done.

Have they not been brainwashed by the climate stuff in school? They should be shunning flights like good citizens and reducing their carbon footprint.

mrziggycoco · 18/04/2022 12:32

@drpet49

YABU- because of you they can’t go on a plane. I’d be fed up of car driving holidays too.
Ridiculous. Going on a plane is a thing that can be done, but doesn't mean it's a necessity. And if she's terrified she shouldn't be pressured. I think it's outrageous. She's had bad experiences. This is just crazy.
Goldfishjones · 18/04/2022 12:35

They are teens, complaining and being self absorbed is part of the package.

I didn't get on a plane until I left home, too expensive. I'm sure there are many, many people in that position now and previously! We had lovely family holidays via car or ferry, usually to a campsite. I probably moaned that I couldn't fly by private jet to the world most expensive hotel in an exotic location but I have no recollection of that. In fact I look back with admiration at what my parents did manage to organise in the circumstances.

But YANBU, if they won't appreciate it and will spoil.it for you then don't bother, holidays are meant to be fun.

mrziggycoco · 18/04/2022 12:40

@Tethersend01

Drpet- I’ve suggested and encouraged them to go with Dad- he doesn’t mind flying, but they say they will only go if I go which actually pisses me off as I don’t enjoy holidays anyway and am not prepared to increase that level of discomfort to terror.
Why will they only go if you go?
44PumpLane · 18/04/2022 12:50

OP I've voted YANBU as I've read all your posts.

At 12 and 15 they are old enough to be away from you for a week or two and if your husband would be happy to take them away on holiday then they seem to have the option to do the holiday they want, just without Mum there.

Obviously it's nice they want their Mum on holiday with them, but then they have to make a choice. They either holiday with Mum and understand that Mum can't fly so their holiday has to fit x parameters, or they holiday without Mum and can do the holidays requiring flights.

It seems like they have two very attractive choices yet they are choosing the huff option, so to be honest if you're not bothered maybe take the choices off the table.

Fizbosshoes · 18/04/2022 13:04

I didn't go abroad til I started work and could afford it myself because my parents could afford to take us abroad in school holidays. It didn't matter how much we wanted to go to Disney or Spain, they couldn't afford it and that was the end of it. I wouldn't like to go on a cruise but I don't think OP is being unreasonable if other holiday options have been offered.
(FWIW We've only flown twice with same age kids, when they were much younger, because it's been out of our budget too)

NCstrugglingwithtwo · 18/04/2022 13:18

I don't think they sound spoiled, it sounds like they want to have an adventure WITH you (seeing as they won't go without you). They probably just can't understand your trauma (because they're kids).

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to fly but I do think it's a shame to make it clear you don't want to holiday at all seeing as they obviously want to fly with you.

I'd make it a problem solving conversation:

Person A absolutely cannot do... and would like...

Person B would really like...

Person C wants... but will not do...

Etc

And just all find a solution together.

NCstrugglingwithtwo · 18/04/2022 13:19

*fly with you = go away with you

aSofaNearYou · 18/04/2022 13:23

I don't think they sound spoiled, it sounds like they want to have an adventure WITH you (seeing as they won't go without you). They probably just can't understand your trauma (because they're kids).

They haven't only said they want to go with OP, though, they've also flat out refused several other generous offers.

That's the spoilt part. For me what comes across as most spoilt is the fact that they haven't just moaned about the options, they've "refused" them, as if their word is final in their heads.

CounsellorTroi · 18/04/2022 13:26

I was 16 the first time I went abroad, school trip to Brittany. I had an older dad who’d fought in the war and had had his fill of overseas travel. So we holidayed in the UK every year. I honestly don’t feel I missed out.

user1477391263 · 18/04/2022 13:51

@Ohilovetorave

Why are these two boys insisting that their mother comes on holiday? It's an odd thing to insist, considering it's two boys aged 12 and 15. Most adolescent boys would love an all-guys holiday with their dad.

Are they very young for their ages, or are they hoping Mum will come because they want some kind of catering-type trip and think she can relied upon to do all the food prep and general dogsbodying?

What a ridiculous statement, I've got 3 boys similar ages and they'd hate to go on holiday without me because I'm their mum and they love me and want me there.

Liking having your mum on holiday is one thing. Insisting that she HAS to come and refusing to go on holiday unless she does come is odd behavior in kids this age.
I8toys · 18/04/2022 14:15

I've said YABU. However I was like you complete fear of flying and we went abroad via the chunnel every year which was fine when they were little. Centreparcs abroad were amazing. However when they became teenagers we needed something else. I felt selfish for not flying.

I have had to build my own strategies/rituals to cope with it and have anxiety beforehand. We've done Gibraltar and Malta already this year and that is my limit with flying - 3 hours.

You can do it if you want to. As I say I've conditions to my flying and have had to build in certain strategies to get through it but I do it.

linenalltheway · 18/04/2022 14:18

Go by train to Spain

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/04/2022 14:22

@saoirse31
Why should she be happy her kids want to go on holiday with her? She’d be paying of course they want to go with her. Parents do not have to prolapse themselves with gratitude that their kids want to do things with them

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 18/04/2022 14:27

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@saoirse31
Why should she be happy her kids want to go on holiday with her? She’d be paying of course they want to go with her. Parents do not have to prolapse themselves with gratitude that their kids want to do things with them[/quote]
Grin typo of the day!

AuspiciousKat · 18/04/2022 14:28

We have done similar to you op and I also hate flying.

Dc are in their teens now and wanting to go further afield and I am going to have to fly this year I think 🙈

Other things we have looked at are no fly cruises. We have seen some amazing deals for all inclusive cruises to the canaries, stopping at several destinations. Would that be something they would be happy with?

Fizbosshoes · 18/04/2022 14:28

I've noticed a lot of MN that people say a holiday in the UK is not a proper holiday and they need something different.
A holiday is often very good for MH, but it's still a luxury. While it would be nice to go somewhere different it's not as if they are being deprived of all choice (or a holiday!!)

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/04/2022 14:31

@rookiemere
He’s 16 you can go without him now, why wait?

Zwellers · 18/04/2022 14:31

So your children have outgrown centerparcs and don't want to go on a cruise. That doesn't male them ungrateful. It's you that are refusing rusing to fly and cutting off access to 3 quarters of all possible holidays. No holiday is a better option that a boring holiday everyone hates. I rember been forced to Spain at a similar age. Most boring 10 days of my life and I had to act grateful.

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/04/2022 14:32

@ZoyaTheDestroyer
Not a typo!

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 18/04/2022 14:36

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@ZoyaTheDestroyer
Not a typo![/quote]
Prolapse? Not prostrate?