To think people don't actually do it safely

[MolliciousIntent]

Everyone bangs on about safe co-sleeping, but do people who co-sleep actually always do it safely? I know several families who sleep with their infants, they all tell you they stick to the Lullaby Trust guidelines, but I've on multiple occasions had evenings with them smoking and drinking and then getting into bed with their babies. Obviously this isn't an indication of everyone, but do people who co-sleep really follow every single one of the guidelines every single night?

Yes, I do.

@Garman

Yes, I do.

Good on you. I don't think I could convince my husband to give up drinking indefinitely!

Although I suppose having asked the question, no one is going to come out and say that they knowingly endanger their babies, are they!

I co slept in hospital with my newborn and knew nothing about how to do it safely so just did what I thought was best. None of the midwives corrected me so I think much of it must be instinctual.

Personally I think it seems quite difficult to do, only because you have to give up pillows and make sure any duvet is below waist height etc. I’ve also never been able to manage a restful nights sleep due to wriggly babies (older) / never getting in to a deep sleep for fear of rolling over on to them (younger)

I’m sure there are people who do co sleep safely and those who don’t, but I’m sure it’s also on a sliding scale. Don’t think it’s either the absolute 100% safe people on one side OR the smoking, drunken druggies and nothing in between

I co-slept on and off with my baby. The midwives asked me if I wanted to be shown how to safely co-sleep but I didn’t think it necessary as I didn’t intend on doing so. I followed guidelines which I think were from WHO which had diagrams and was a very comfy way to sleep and ensured I couldn’t roll on her. We don’t smoke anyway, and we didn’t drink.

I co-slept as needed with DD until she went into her own room at 6 months - she was generally in a Next To Me crib but would often come into bed with us after a feed if I couldn’t resettle her easily.

I can honestly say I probably followed the rules 99% of the time, certainly the smoking and bed cover/pillow ones (I actually prefer sleeping with no pillow and DD was a summer baby so I didn’t miss covers above the waist!)

The only one I’d say I’d slightly broken - there were a few (less than 10?) occasions where I’d have had a single glass of wine at say 8/9pm and then she’d come into bed after a 2am feed, but realistically the wine would have been well out of my system by the time she came in with me, so I put that into the ‘common sense’ box. But I guess it does count as breaking Lullaby Trust guidance.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

I co slept in hospital with my newborn and knew nothing about how to do it safely so just did what I thought was best. None of the midwives corrected me so I think much of it must be instinctual.

Looking at the Safe Sleep Seven, did you stick to those?

Yes I followed the guidelines that were around (youngest is 6 so I don’t know if they’ve changed in the last few years). I don’t smoke or drink so that bit was easy!

I didn't give up alcohol, but when I did have a glass of wine, it was with lunch rather than dinner. And I slept in a cardigan or fluffy hoodie with the duvet tucked in around my waist.

There is a Co sleeping Facebook group that I found brilliant that walked people through any issues or concerns.
Once you understand the rules I found them easy to follow. And it's only for a short while until they get a bit bigger.

Until about a year absolutely followed them. After a year occasionally had a drink in the afternoon but no I wouldn't get plastered and cosleep.

I Co-slept for 8months with no.2. I did it safety and constantly woke up terrified my baby had been squashed or suffocated. Also froze not having a duvet and being frightened a heavy top would suffocate him. Mostly detested it but baby was such a light sleeper I couldn’t transfer him to a Co-sleeping cot like I could my first and he just wouldn’t settle if not on my breast. He sleeps in his own cot in his own room now.

I did - completely scrupulously, but then I was seriously wired and on high alert all the time when DD was a baby (and not always in a good way). I cleared the bed of duvet and ordinary pillows, used a small foam pillow for me and slept in long pyjamas with one cellular blanket at waist height only (nowhere near baby); baby was at the side of me, on her back. No gaps or anything around mattress - had a babybay on the side of the bed and DD slept between me and the babybay. Never drank alcohol or used prescription drugs when cosleeping, and DH wasn’t allowed in the bed. I slept very lightly and woke at the drop of a hat.

If I had another I would try to avoid cosleeping and see if I could get the baby to go in a bedside cot — because though it made EBF easier, I was also anxious about overlying and slept badly, and it got DD so used to sleeping with me that I couldn’t get her out of the bed for years!

I did. But I had a double bed to myself.

I had a couple of drinks one evening without thinking, then realised. Other than that I think I’ve folllowec all the rules. With my first our old mattress was probably softer than ideal in hindsight.

I mean probably...I should say ds is now 18 so it was a long time ago.

@DaffodilsandCoffee

I had a couple of drinks one evening without thinking, then realised. Other than that I think I’ve folllowec all the rules. With my first our old mattress was probably softer than ideal in hindsight.

See, this is what I could see happening to us easily. And then what do you do!? Make baby sleep in a cot?

I mean surely it’s all about risk management? Like you’re happy with one level of risk, other people are happier with other levels of risk? Isn’t that the whole point about risk, that we make a series of decisions based amongst a series of competing priorities?

Yes I did. Baby spent most of the night in a co sleeper cot then would transfer into my bed during the night. I had a double to myself though and pushed it up against the wall for his side and he was breastfed. He had his own sleeping bag. Was lovely and we all slept so bloody well.

Followed all the rules to the letter, although we only co-slept with my second when he wouldn't settle back in his cot. Now he's over 1 we still follow the rules, but he'll sometimes sleep on top of the duvet in his sleeping bag instead of a completely clear bed.

This is why we had a Next2Me affair. I’m sure I would have hoiked the duvet up in my sleep otherwise.

I always tried to follow the rules. Definitely no drinking or smoking. Interestingly my watch tracking my sleep showed that my body didn't go into deep sleep until my husband had taken her away in the morning and left me to catch up a bit.

Yep. But I was in a super king so there was loads of room! I didn't find it that difficult to follow the rules really. But I'm not a drinker or a smoker and DH slept in the spare room (although he's neither either) so it was just me and DD.

I think it's a lot safer than unplanned co-sleeping, which a huge percentage of new parents do, such as falling asleep on sofa with baby in arms, etc. That scares me far far more than bedsharing, as when we were still in hospital, DH was holding DD in that kind of sofa upright position and she suddenly went grey. Her head had flopped forward onto her chest and he hadn't noticed until she went a funny colour, and that was when he was awake. If he had been asleep, she probably would have died. I would always make my bed safe for bedsharing if there was the slightest risk of falling asleep with baby on a sofa or while sitting up.

The people who I've known to cosleep (including myself) were all non-drinkers, non-smokers, covers no higher than waist etc.
My husband even slept on the floor one night after he had two beers. We were always very careful. I was too nervous not to be. He's 21 months now and sleeping next to me as I write this!

I didn't drink or smoke but exh did. She was in a moses basket next to the bed most of the time but often I'd fall asleep whilst giving her a feed during the night, not ideal or recommended I think I was just so tired and never intended to do it, just woke in a panic checking she was ok.