To think people don't actually do it safely

[MolliciousIntent]

Everyone bangs on about safe co-sleeping, but do people who co-sleep actually always do it safely? I know several families who sleep with their infants, they all tell you they stick to the Lullaby Trust guidelines, but I've on multiple occasions had evenings with them smoking and drinking and then getting into bed with their babies. Obviously this isn't an indication of everyone, but do people who co-sleep really follow every single one of the guidelines every single night?

We used to take DD to our bed between 6 and 13 months, she refused to sleep in the cot. We both are non smokers and we didn’t drink at all at that period.

UNICEF, that was it, not WHO. They used to have a sheet with diagrams on. Sleep Safe 7 wasn’t around when mine was a baby.

I did to the best of my knowledge, I don't smoke and I didn't drink when I Co slept. I stayed in a c shape, I didn't ware night clothes and when it was hot neither did it. I slept with him sleeping next to a Co sleeper cot (That we tried to get him to sleep in) so if he rolled he'd roll into that. I slept with a sheet only around me. I'm sure there are things I did wrong and could be considered as dangerous. My old health visitor certainly didn't like Co sleepers.

I didn't. I mean I followed the rules about duvets and smoking etc but my baby was formula fed after 8 weeks. I just couldn't get him to sleep in the cot though and we needed sleep. I'm not really sure about that bit of advice. Supposedly FF babies sleep deeper which is why it's not safe to co sleep with them. But you often hear people saying it's not true that FF babies are deeper sleepers than BF babies?

Omg my phoned auto correct my son to an it 😱

And like others I woke multiple times per night, often in terror, checking his breathing and so on. I've never known tiredness like those days.

DC2 sleeps in a next to me and I don't have the same night time fear.

My lot are all older now 17,14 & 11 and I can't say I followed any rules. I don't drink or smoke but definitely had a duvet and pillows. I was one of those parents who never even went to antinatal classes which explains a lot really.

I don't think there is any such thing as safe co sleeping. It's just not worth the risk.

@Toddlerteaplease

I don't think there is any such thing as safe co sleeping. It's just not worth the risk.

This isn't true, take a look at the Lullaby Trust.

I did. Non-smoking, non-drinkers here. I sleep very lightly too.

You just seem to want to hear that nobody does it safely OP! I did. You don't have to give up your own pillows if the baby is at your breast and you do the cuddle curl position thing. The safe sleep seven aren't that difficult.

I don't think there is any such thing as safe co sleeping. It's just not worth the risk.

Nonsense.

I don't think I could convince my husband to give up drinking indefinitely!
Mine didn't need to. Baby was on my side, not between us. I don't think my husband was drunk enough to roll right over me and onto the baby.

@Toddlerteaplease

I don't think there is any such thing as safe co sleeping. It's just not worth the risk.

If it's that or zero sleep, surely it's safer to co sleep.

There are risks other than SIDS.

We're not smokers and I haven't drank. When DH has he sleeps downstairs. We have our pillows hanging off the bed though. I couldn't sleep without one. I also have a dim red nightlight on so I can always see him. I couldn't sleep in a dark room with him.

@Apricote

You just seem to want to hear that nobody does it safely OP! I did. You don't have to give up your own pillows if the baby is at your breast and you do the cuddle curl position thing. The safe sleep seven aren't that difficult.

Not at all! It's just that the only people I know who co-sleep don't do it safely, and I found the list of conditions personally to be really hard to meet! Sleeping in the C position gave me excruciating back pain, can't sleep without a blanket over my shoulders, can't afford to buy a new firm mattress and couldn't sleep on one anyway, can't realistically commit to not drinking for years... It seemed prohibitive to me so I was wondering how others manage!

@Toddlerteaplease

I don't think there is any such thing as safe co sleeping. It's just not worth the risk.

DS does not sleep unless he's on contact with me. Me being a sleep deprived zombie with a screaming baby is far more dangerous.

I followed the rules and was incredibly anxious about it (e.g. covers to the waist and then thick cardigans to keep me warm with the covers tucked under the mattress so they couldn't ride up). I wasn't happy about it at all and hadn't co-slept with my other babies (had a co-sleeper bed which worked very well indeed) but this one just had to be next to me from the night she was born and the co-sleeper bed just wasn't close enough for her.

I do slept on an off with both dd and DS until they were around 3/4 months, they both were whinge up until that point and i was struggling staying awake due to other medical reasons. Both are fine and nothing ever happened I always made sure they were not under my duvet and had thier own blanket on as it a,ways worried me if it went over thier faces... but to be honest I’m a light sleeper and noticed every little movement.

My daughter is now 9
Co slept and she is perfectly fine!

I don’t have a single mum friend who smokes and don’t know anyone would drink then co sleep. This is a reflection of your friends OP sorry.

I did when I did it. Wore a fleece onesie for a year so there was no need for blankets. I was single though.

I will admit that I didn't do it safely and looking back I shudder to think what could have happened. However, 5 hours sleep in 5 days makes you do stupid things and luckily it worked out ok for us. I never drank or smoked but I ended up passing out while feeding DD a lot. It was the only way either of us seemed to get any sleep for the first few weeks.

At the moment DD seems to mostly settle OK in her next to me, we’ll see whether that is still the case when she moves into her own room. There have been a few times that we have coslept, out of necessity rather than choice, and I have followed the safe sleeping guidelines as much as I possibly can. I stopped breastfeeding at 5 weeks, so no I do not follow all Safe Sleep 7 rules. We don’t intentionally co-sleep but have recognised there are times when we are so tired that we will likely end up unsafely co-sleeping, in these instances we make it as safe as possible and the risk of not breastfeeding and co-sleeping is lower than the risk of falling asleep sat up on the sofa. If one of us has had a drink, then we’d take shifts and walk with DD to make sure we didn’t accidentally co-sleep. I made co-sleeping as safe as possible and whenever she was in the bed with us neither would sleep deeply. I wouldn’t say that the times we have co-slept was unsafe just because I couldn’t continue breastfeeding. Especially given the alternative.

If she needs to co-sleep with us going forward, we would need to look at how we do that safely now that she can roll (and therefore roll off the bed). I don’t think it would be safe to co-sleep with her now, we have no option to put the mattress on the floor and no spare bed, regardless of following the other safe sleeping rules and even if I was still breastfeeding. Other people would still be able to safely co-sleep but they’ll have a different set up.

I co-slept with my eldest until he was 3.5 years old and we did it safely. However, I don't personally know anybody else who has co-slept with their children so I can't comment on how common it is.