To think people don't actually do it safely

[MolliciousIntent]

Everyone bangs on about safe co-sleeping, but do people who co-sleep actually always do it safely? I know several families who sleep with their infants, they all tell you they stick to the Lullaby Trust guidelines, but I've on multiple occasions had evenings with them smoking and drinking and then getting into bed with their babies. Obviously this isn't an indication of everyone, but do people who co-sleep really follow every single one of the guidelines every single night?

I was so scared of bedsharing, but then woke up terrified so many times having fallen asleep in an unsafe position. I followed the rules after that, although I suspect my mattress is softer than ideal and I will happily have a couple of glasses of wine in the evening (but wouldn't ever get drunk and cosleep.)

I coslept - but then neither of us are drinkers or smokers. Covers were easy as it was boiling in our old house.
I did have a pillow but we had a super king and she was far enough away from me it wouldn't have been a problem.
She slept on her back in a sleeping bag.

It was an improvement to waking every 45 minutes.

@SmellyOldOwls

I didn't. I mean I followed the rules about duvets and smoking etc but my baby was formula fed after 8 weeks. I just couldn't get him to sleep in the cot though and we needed sleep. I'm not really sure about that bit of advice. Supposedly FF babies sleep deeper which is why it's not safe to co sleep with them. But you often hear people saying it's not true that FF babies are deeper sleepers than BF babies?

Mine was awake every 45 mins, and was ff! Definitely wasn't true for us

I always Co slept with my babies and never read any literature on it.

I placed them at the top of the bed near headboard with their own blanket and I lay slightly further down with my head at their waist height and the duvet only covered me and DH when he was there ( he works nights)
It was just instinctual to know they needed to be away from dangerous blankets or a rolling risk

I often fell asleep whilst feeding, I was never a co.sleeper officially,but there were occasions when I woke up and the baby was asleep in bed.
What I found remarkable was how I had naturally shielded the baby from anything, like slept curved around.

We didn’t follow any guidelines, we just did it our own way. Didn’t change our mattress or pillows, still used our duvet just left a dip in the middle for the baby and their blanket. Dh definitely had a few drinks over the months we coslept but not more than a couple. If he had more than a couple of beers he would sleep elsewhere. We just used common sense rather than adhering strictly to guidelines.

I wish people just have they instincts working and didnt need guidelines for everything.

I co slept with ds when he was tiny, we used a very firm foam pillow put lengthways between ours in a king-size bed, that way we could be sure he didn't get covered up with the duvet or rolled on. We did it for the first couple of months when he wouldn't settle in his cot & I was recovering from an emcs so couldn't lift him.

I cannot understand why anyone would do it at all. There are numerous studies which show that it’s not safe.
Google ‘co-sleeping abstract SIDS’
Just put them in a Moses basket next to you. Why take they risk? They are absolutely tiny. You are big and warm - they are not going to be able to regulate their temperature when they’re so small next to you.

@underneaththeash

I cannot understand why anyone would do it at all. There are numerous studies which show that it’s not safe. Google ‘co-sleeping abstract SIDS’ Just put them in a Moses basket next to you. Why take they risk? They are absolutely tiny. You are big and warm - they are not going to be able to regulate their temperature when they’re so small next to you.

From UNICEF:

'It can, therefore, feel safest to either simply tell all parents to never co- sleep or just to say nothing at all.
Unfortunately, this approach is not safe. It can increase the risks to babies because:
■ Young babies wake frequently at night and need to be fed and cared for somewhere. In most homes this will be in bed or on a sofa or armchair, simply because there is no other comfortable place. Parents can easily choose the more dangerous sofa over the less dangerous bed because they are trying to follow advice to never bed-share.
■ Mothers can try and sit up rather than lay in bed to breastfeed in order to stop themselves falling asleep. As most babies breastfeed frequently, mothers risk falling asleep in a more dangerous position than if they had been lying down. Many abandon breastfeeding altogether as they are so exhausted, thereby depriving themselves and their baby of all the benefits that breastfeeding brings.
■ Babies thrive on closeness and comfort. Many parents end up co-sleeping, whether they intended to or not, as it settles their baby and so enables everyone to sleep.
■
While some young babies settle easily in a cot or Moses basket between feeds, others do not. Some parents who choose not to co-sleep may decide to encourage their baby to learn to sleep independently using the controlled crying method, which is not recommended. This approach can be distressing for the parents and their baby, be detrimental to the baby’s growth and development and can undermine breastfeeding.'

It’s not safe however it’s done

@underneaththeash

I cannot understand why anyone would do it at all. There are numerous studies which show that it’s not safe. Google ‘co-sleeping abstract SIDS’ Just put them in a Moses basket next to you. Why take they risk? They are absolutely tiny. You are big and warm - they are not going to be able to regulate their temperature when they’re so small next to you.

On the contrary, babies regulate their temperature by being next to their mother, the closer the better. This is well known.

I followed all the rules and my husband prodded me as after a 16hr feeding session, then going to bed, I had fallen asleep on him. Was absolutely terrifying.

Also:

'IN 2017, 183 BABIES DIED OF SIDS IN THE UK: 0.03% OF ALL BIRTHS7
Previous UK data suggests:
■ around half of SIDS babies die while sleeping in a cot or Moses basket.
■ around half of SIDS babies die while co-sleeping. However, 90% of these babies
died in hazardous situations which are largely preventable.#,8'

This is interesting because it suggests safe cosleeping is actually safer than a cot or Moses basket in terms of SIDs. Of course there can be unsafe sleep practices in a cot too, but the UK figures that UNICEF have used don't really back up the claim that cosleeping is more dangerous.

@underneaththeash

I cannot understand why anyone would do it at all. There are numerous studies which show that it’s not safe.
Google ‘co-sleeping abstract SIDS’
Just put them in a Moses basket next to you. Why take they risk? They are absolutely tiny. You are big and warm - they are not going to be able to regulate their temperature when they’re so small next to you

The article you quote literally states that around half of all SiDS deaths occur when baby is sleeping alone in a Moses basket or cot!

I did it with both of ours. DH slept in the spare room - the baby at the top, in our double bed, which was pushed against the wall. I would grab my pillow and bring it about 1/3 the way down the bed, the top of it being about where the baby’s legs were, and face the baby - often with an arm/hand lightly resting on them. They’d be in cotton layers and a zipped sleeping bag, the duvet over me and well away from them. I sleep curled up anyway so it was perfect as my pillow was nowhere near them, and I was able to have my pillow and duvet. Never woke up to find them anywhere other than where I’d lain them. I’d wriggle up the bed to breastfeed them as and when they woke (both were EBF).

I did. The first few times I did it by what felt right, looked at the Lullaby Trust safe sleep seven and it aligned.

I do slept with all of mine but didn’t follow any rules that remember.

This has a really interesting table actually that demonstrates how different safe cosleeping and cosleeping in hazardous environments can be.
It's in the results section.

journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0107799

That study also has this:

'An important implication of our findings is that to give blanket advice to all parents never to bed-share with their infant does not reflect the evidence. There is a danger that such advice could influence parents to seek alternative, more dangerous sleep surfaces such as a sofa. In our study in 2003–6 a number of families whose infants died informed us that they had been advised not to bed-share and thus fed the infant (and fell asleep) on a sofa. Aggressive anti-bed-sharing campaigns in both the United States and the United Kingdom depicting parental bed headboards as tombstones, mothers as meat cleavers sleeping next to the infant and parents as ogres in fairytales have been roundly condemned by the SIDS research community [22] but even a more conservative campaign can give the impression that bed-sharing is somehow innately wrong. Of course we should inform the public about risks that can be associated with bed-sharing, but bed-sharing is a widespread socio and cultural norm [23], [24]; giving across the board advice to simply not do it negates the option of highlighting the specific and highly significant risks we have found. There is also ample evidence of an interdependent positive relationship between bed-sharing and breastfeeding [20], [25] with its inherent advantages to the infant that needs to be considered in addition to the possible risk of SIDs'

A lot of interesting stuff in there, but I'm off to bed so will read the rest in the morning

I slept with both of mine pretty much since birth as it was either that or somehow evolve to be awake 24 hours a day for a year or so. They both refused any kind of cot and only slept when held/in contact with me.

I don't smoke, didn't drink, ebf, DH in spare room. I did have a pillow but baby was well clear of it and both mine were summer babies so was boiling hot. Did away with the duvet and used a cellular blanket which worked fine. I'm sure I didn't get it perfect every night but I tried to consistently follow the guidelines as much as possible.

DS2 is still in with me at almost 3, he's allowed his own pillow now though!

I've co-slept with all 3 of mine. We aren't smokers/drinkers so that was easy and it was always baby and I, with DH in the spare room. I think if he too was in the bed I couldn't guarantee baby not over heating and chosen not to co-sleep. I'm also a very light sleeper so slight movement from baby and I was up. They usually go into their own beds aged 2.

Toddler did climb over me once and fall off the bed. Luckily he landed on his bum and found it hilarious. I very nearly died of a heart attack when I heard the thud and woke up like a shot. That's the only scary incident I've had with co-sleeping over a period of 12 years.

Yes I followed all of that but I don’t drink or smoke, and I have co slept with All 4 of my children.

Never coslept I just couldn't sleep when she was in bed with me. I felt too on edge.

Yeah I did. I didn’t drink. I don’t and haven’t ever smoked. I don’t even know any smokers except people I work with. DH didn’t even sleep in bed with us.