To think people don't actually do it safely

[MolliciousIntent]

Everyone bangs on about safe co-sleeping, but do people who co-sleep actually always do it safely? I know several families who sleep with their infants, they all tell you they stick to the Lullaby Trust guidelines, but I've on multiple occasions had evenings with them smoking and drinking and then getting into bed with their babies. Obviously this isn't an indication of everyone, but do people who co-sleep really follow every single one of the guidelines every single night?

I did. Co-slept for 4 years in the end! I loved it.

Husband in another room
Never smoked
Don't like alcohol
Exclusively breastfed until 2yo
Baby was healthy
Baby slept on back
Baby wore light sleeping bag
Mattress firm, and placed on floor. No pillows, no duvets, no gaps, no toys, away from radiator and windows.

I did this for all my children, so yes, I think I did it safely.

I will add though that in hospital I did it for the first time after two nights of two hour sleep and I didn't follow safe 7 as I'd never heard of it. It wasn't until I was home and googled it that I found safe seven and began following the rules.

Both DD and DS used a next to me crib rather than co-sleeping, I would love to of tried it but I'd be in constant fear of rolling over onto them.

I did the first time but not the second; first time I slept with a tiny pillow just big enough for my head, thick pjs and socks (no blanket) if it got really cold I would use just a single cotton duvet cover and slide in like a sleeping bag. It was worth it, we all slept soundly, I was BFing so didn’t have alcohol as I didn’t have the capacity to look into/understand how the body metabolised it at that point.
Second time around this dc would only sleep face down, he had colic, reflux and god knows what else so cried when awake until 9 weeks old. He slept great in the cot on his own but the amount of times I’d fallen asleep with him in the bed with the duvet still on the bed was petrifying.

I think it was a combination of being more lax second time around and the absolute bone aching tiredness from those first few weeks.

I hadn't heard of the Safe Sleep Seven when mine were little - it probably didn't exist! - but yes, I followed all the rules. It's really quite easy and made sure I was well rested apart from at the very beginning when we were establishing the day/night routine.

I did safe co sleep with DC1 until about 1yo. Honestly even though I followed everything (no alcohol, exclusive breastfeeding, no smoking, I didn't even use a duvet or pillow for a year we used to sleep with a cellular blanket each) I barely slept. I spent the whole time terrified. With DC2 I didn't co sleep. Breastfeeding went badly and I was on medication, so there were things that got in the way so I just never co slept not once. Same with DC3. I wish I had never co slept with my eldest, as much as I thought I was going the best thing it actually drove me crazy. I thought breastfeeding was so so important that I sacrificed everything to it for the first year or so. Most people I know are less anxious than me and take a lot more co sleeping risks and risks generally.

I never even had one drink when mine were tiny (under 4 months) because I had them in my bed. I don't smoke. I had the baby in a sleeping bag, and I used to wear a warm cardie and only pull the duvet up to my waist (ie below the baby's feet). And my husband slept in the spare room.

I still had people telling me how dangerous that was! But honestly, I never worried about it for one minute (and I'm a professional worrier). In fact, it felt much safer having them right there, rather than having them out of reach. Even now, if any of my kids has a high temp or feels sick before bed, I'll keep them in my room with me (eldest is 11yo).

I follow every single guideline to the letter. I also switched to a floor bed to eliminate the risk of falls, and used an Owlet sock for extra safety. Still following every rule 2 years on. Don't smoke and haven't had more than a glass of wine at lunchtime to ensure I'm well clear by bedtime.

My ds is nearly 1 and we follow the safe sleep seven. I've not had any alcohol for nearly two years, don't smoke, and have a super king mattress on the floor with just me and ds, and he still takes up most of the bed 😂

I didn’t know there were ‘rules’! My children are grown up now. But anyway we don’t smoke and I don’t think either of us really drank when they were teenies. Certainly had a pillow though! It just seemed natural and instinctive to me, like breastfeeding. I’m not really a rules person when it comes to parenting. I’m lucky my grown up children turned out wonderfully - a gift to the world

Oh and I didn't drink at all until he was 18 months.

I think the trouble with the movement against Co sleeping is that it leads to behaviours that are much more dangerous than co-sleeping. The biggest being, getting out of bed to feed the baby in a chair or on the sofa. The risk of smothering is much higher when you inevitably fall asleep.

I remember reading a decade ago when my DD was a baby that chair/sofa deaths were recorded as caused by co-sleeping. I don't know if that is still the case, but it would be very misleading if so.

I co slept with DS1 until he was 4. (He did always have the option of his own bed. He just preferred being with me) and always followed the guidelines.
DD and DS2 happily slept in a cot unless they were unwell so.that wasn't too.much of an issue, but in the occasions they did i followed all guidelines. I'm a none smoker and none drinker so it's really easy for me

Perfection isn’t needed but being pretty close to the safe sleep 7 is.

I don’t co sleep at night but nap in bed with DD in day

I’ll admit to using pillows
And she isn’t EBF

Husband works from home and checks in on us

But my DH doesn't sleep beside the baby/child, safe cosleeping guideline is that the infant sleeps on mum's side, not between the parents so how does it affect him?

I did 100% when they were tiny, but now they're 18 months and 3 I will have a glass of wine and sleep in bed with them. Wouldn't get drunk obviously but I wouldn't do that wherever they were sleeping because I'm on my own with them

DH and I always followed all 7.

And the parent sleeping beside them can have some alcohol when they're older once it's out of your system by the time you bedshare.

@Velvian

I think the trouble with the movement against Co sleeping is that it leads to behaviours that are much more dangerous than co-sleeping. The biggest being, getting out of bed to feed the baby in a chair or on the sofa. The risk of smothering is much higher when you inevitably fall asleep.

I remember reading a decade ago when my DD was a baby that chair/sofa deaths were recorded as caused by co-sleeping. I don't know if that is still the case, but it would be very misleading if so.

Yes, UNICEF statistics say that 90% of cosleeping deaths are due to unsafe cosleeping, which includes sofa sleeping, etc. The numbers for safe cosleeping are very low (possibly even less than cot/Moses basket, as UNICEF also say that 50% of SIDS deaths happen in a cot or Moses basket).

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pdf

Me and partner both do I don’t drink at all and if he does he will sleep in the spare bed we only started co sleeping when DD was 1 and my DH moved on to nights so it made sense it We don’t use heavy bedding or many pillows even now she’s 23 months. I love co sleeping and am so glad we did.

My DD sleeps in her next to me until about 4am when she can’t settle. I don’t smoke, we EBF, duvet to the waist and no gaps/toys etc.

Very occasionally I will have a glass of wine with dinner at about 6pm but I’m pretty sure it’s out of my system by 4am. I never have more than one glass anyway.

I do have a pillow, but it’s way above her head and I have my arm in the L shape between it and her.

We co slept with ours but neither of us drink or smoke and I am a very light sleeper

I didn't. Quite happy to hold my hand up to that one. I regularly co-slept after consuming a full bottle of wine. That said, my daughter was nine years old at the time. And by this point I had been co-sleeping for 11.5 years! (2.5 years with her sister from north and 9 with my youngest). Can't even remember the sleep seven bit I did everything I could when they were young to co-sleep safely.