To think people don't actually do it safely

[MolliciousIntent]

Everyone bangs on about safe co-sleeping, but do people who co-sleep actually always do it safely? I know several families who sleep with their infants, they all tell you they stick to the Lullaby Trust guidelines, but I've on multiple occasions had evenings with them smoking and drinking and then getting into bed with their babies. Obviously this isn't an indication of everyone, but do people who co-sleep really follow every single one of the guidelines every single night?

@orangekite

Husband in another room Never smoked Don't like alcohol Exclusively breastfed until 2yo Baby was healthy Baby slept on back Baby wore light sleeping bag Mattress firm, and placed on floor. No pillows, no duvets, no gaps, no toys, away from radiator and windows.

I did this for all my children, so yes, I think I did it safely.

EBF until 2 wow!

Some people will follow every rule perfectly, some won’t.

From chats with mum friends I don’t think many people would risk it after a drink though. There’s been plenty of times in group chats where people have mentioned drinking/ not drinking based on which parent would be bed sharing if lo woke in the night.

I did - completely scrupulously, but then I was seriously wired and on high alert all the time when DD was a baby (and not always in a good way). I cleared the bed of duvet and ordinary pillows, used a small foam pillow for me and slept in long pyjamas with one cellular blanket at waist height only (nowhere near baby); baby was at the side of me, on her back. No gaps or anything around mattress - had a babybay on the side of the bed and DD slept between me and the babybay. Never drank alcohol or used prescription drugs when cosleeping, and DH wasn’t allowed in the bed. I slept very lightly and woke at the drop of a hat.

This basically sums up my experience to. Following all the rules and doing it safely I need it quite difficult to actually sleep. I was very relieved when we got the next2me crib.

I never co-slept (well, before DS turned 2, anyway). DH and I decided that the risk of SIDS or suffocation were too great. DS was an awful sleeper, up every hour till 19 months, but I was far too anxious to have him in our bed. Even though the risk is quite small, it's not one I would take, although it's fine for others to do it and I'd never judge them as long as it's done safely. Co-sleeping that is well planned and follows all the guidelines is far, far safer than falling asleep holding the baby.

*too

I didn't follow all the rules...

I used a pillow and a duvet (but pulled down a bit)
Baby slept between DH and me
I had an occasional drink

We also used a sleepyhead which at the time was believed to be safe for sleeping, but I'm not sure they are recommended now.

BUT DH is a v light sleeper, and the sleepyhead held baby in one place and helped separate baby from us physically which made everything else feel safer. We moved down the bed and had the sleepyhead at the top so our pillows were more like foot level and duvet nowhere near. I BFed and didn't smoke.

I did it with my first, though there weren’t any guidelines then: just used common sense to ensure DD1 wasn’t going to get smothered or overheat. She was a cluster feeder and really could not settle in Moses basket/crib. And not a smoker and didn’t drink during those early months.

Second DD was not at all interested - happier to sleep in a crib next to me from the start, and even happier to be in own room when appropriate.

EBF until 2wow!

I spotted that too! I'm assuming she means no formula, otherwise that would be a very malnourished child!

I have to say I do often come sleep with my two little girls know that they are two and four, when they are ill for example. That's much easier.

I did, I took away all pillows and wore a hoodie on top and wrapped a sheet around my bottom half. I also put baby to sleep just above my head. I was very worried about crushing him so I really stuck to the rules.

Yep, meticulously followed the rules here. Alcohol makes me tired and grumpy even without a small child in the mix so that wasn’t a big thing to give up. I hated having the duvet down low but did get used to it. We have a spare bed so if DH had an occasional drink he could sleep there instead.

I didn't because I didn't know there were any specific guidelines. I just used common sense. My daughter was an excellent sleeper from 3-4 months onwards with no problems whatsoever. I attribute it to co-sleeping. We co-slept until she was about 2. I preferred keeping my sanity over sleepless nights of her not settling in a cot. She's now 12.

This thread is highly judgmental. Parents fo what they can to survive and keep their sanity.

I also co-slept with our puppy who is also an excellent sleeper. Co-sleeping works 😛

I did it only when I had to with DS1 as I liked being able to pull the covers up around my shoulders to sleep. DS2 wouldn’t sleep a wink and screamed his head off unless he was beside me so I fully embraced co-sleeping following all the rules. DH slept in the spare room. It saved my sanity.

I started bed-sharing at 6 months (was too scared before then, but eventually caved) and followed every rule. I didn’t find them restricting at all, I just wrapped up warm so that I didn’t need a blanket.

One of my neighbours has bed-shared with her ds from birth and thinks the safe sleep rules are ridiculous. Her and her partner drink, smoke cigarettes and weed and take stronger drugs at the weekend.

There’s lots in between, everyone’s different and it depends on their lifestyle and how seriously they take guidelines.

I really, really struggled to safely cosleep and just didn't seem to be built for it. I find it so hard to sleep without something covering me, even if I'm not cold, so I'd have the cover below my waist but then pull it up without realizing. I was also told so many times that a breastfeeding mother will naturally stay in the right, safe position and that you won't go into a deep sleep while cosleeping if you're breastfeeding but neither was true for me - I woke up in the wrong position several times and seemed to go into a deep sleep and wake up suddenly, completely out of it, bewildered and always convinced the baby was dead - which was so, so upsetting and I would wake up more tired in the morning than when I'd gone to sleep. It was like having terrible nightmares all night. I really wanted to get on with cosleeping, I'd read so much about how natural it was and when I was utterly sleep-deprived I read endless things (mostly on MN - in hindsight I just should have stopped reading those threads) about how if I just co-slept I would be getting loads of sleep and feeling amazing, but I think I'm just too shaped by western culture - I know that cosleeping is the global norm and that it's safe and natural but it never, ever felt safe and comfortable to me. I'm quite happy to share a bed with DS1 now that he's nearly 4 but I had to give up on the idea when he was a baby (we sleep-trained instead).

My youngest slept in our bed until she was 4. We didn’t have any choice over it. It was the only way we could get any sleep. She was a koala as a baby and hated being separated from me. When you are breastfeeding you don’t drink alcohol and I have never smoked. This is how babies slept for millennia.

This is so heartwarming to read that so many other parents co sleep well after their baby becomes a toddler! I wish I’d have started it sooner, when I look back at all the nights when my little one wouldn’t settle in the Moses basket and now I think how silly not to have done this all along as it’s the most natural thing for us, so comfortable and we both sleep so well.

But to answer the question - yes. Only me and LO in the bed. I used to wrap the duvet in between my legs and have it diagonal so I had a cover and LO was their sleeping bag. Now she’s 18 months I’m a bit more relaxed with it. And the dog sleeps on the bed but always down at the bottom end.

Honestly didn’t comply with safe sleep 7 every night. Child slept under duvet after a few months as was more concerned about overheating in a sleeping bag when permanently attached to my boob. Bedshared after drinking (never steaming, just a few glasses of wine)..
Many other parents make decisions I wouldn’t choose. Lots of friends put their child in their own room at a few months old, don’t wear helmets on bikes etc. We’re all doing the best we can and balancing risks and benefits.

Yes I did. I wore big fluffy pyjamas/dressing gown. Never drank /smoked (but surely no one sensible does if they are caring for a baby even if they don't co-.sleep!)

I didn't particularly like co sleeping but it was the only way my two would sleep and it felt safer than extreme sleep deprivation. We aren't comparing co sleeping with a perfect alternative remember. The alternative for me would have been hours of pacing and despairing and occasional fitful patches of sleep and then days spent as a sleep deprived zombie

Yes I did. Don’t smoke and wasn’t fussed about drinking when I had a toddler (who didn’t co sleep) and newborn twins. Dtds are now 10 and I still sometimes throw my pillow on the floor beside the bed so I sleep flat as I got used to no pillows when co sleeping.

I had mine in bed in the middle and never made any special arrangements with pillows etc.

I don’t drink or smoke.

I did. Baby in sleeping bag, slept on back at breast height, pillow positioned so my head was right at the edge of it and any space pillow was the opposite side of where my baby was. Warm top, blanket to waist height. Husband in different bed and bed guard on open side of the bed. Didn’t drink or smoke. I always slept lightly and felt like my baby was safe. I think most people who co sleep regularly do it safely as it’s carefully planned.

I tried to. No alcohol etc. No pillows. A fleece zip up top. Adult cellular blanket with edges trimmed and glued so there was no material that could cover my baby's mouth - in case I accidentally pulled it up to cover me in the night.

This brings back memories so I'm going to enjoy my own bed even more tonight!

Yes I do. Swapped out memory foam mattress for the spare room one until baby was 9 months as it was firmer. Sleep with one pillow and duvet round waist, exclusively breast feed etc

Cosleeping is safer for babies in terms of sids if done correctly. But there are additional/ different risks such as entrapment and suffocation which you need to be aware of. But there is so much confusion re babies, sids and co-sleeping.