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Original poster

Friends mean about my new house

350 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 18:38

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

OP posts:
ListeningButNotHearing · 17/04/2022 19:34

They liked you being at the bottom of the pecking order and don't like it that you've moved up.

Real friends would be genuinely happy for you.

Fwiw, this isn't uncommon in my experience. It's sad that people's true natures come out when this type of thing happens.

fuckoffImcounting · 17/04/2022 19:35

Give them time - yes, they may be envious - that's OK - they don't hate you, just maybe want what you have. Two decades ago I moved into my present home, which is detached - not a mansion but maybe a tiny bit up the scale from my old mates semis and terraces. No one was happy for me, but over time we have all got used to it and forgiven each other. I don't expect them to praise my home, but we are all OK now. Sometimes you have to be a bit forgiving of old friends.

Dancer47 · 17/04/2022 19:36

Your "friends" are crass, empty people and they don't like you much. They aren't kind people.
Perhaps concentrate on other people in your life who deserve your attention, rather than them.

Also "Pride cometh before a fall" - be careful about being "proud" - it isn't a plus. Perhaps your pride got under their skin. The tradespeople who built your house are entitled to be proud of their skilled work and hard graft in creating the building - you only bought the house so I don't see where being "proud" comes in.

RitaFires · 17/04/2022 19:36

When I moved to my current house I deliberately didn't invite anyone over that I knew would only want to nose around so that they could bitch about it afterwards.

I think you need to let these people go, they're actively trying to spoil your happiness. Your house sounds great, congratulations on finding a home you're happy with.

Benjispruce4 · 17/04/2022 19:36

Green with envy OP that you e made it out of their narrow minded hometown. Don’t look back.

ChocolatemilkBertie · 17/04/2022 19:36

Some people have no filter, some people I don’t think realise just how much work it takes to buy a house in the first place.

I live in a little two up two down terrace, which I have worked hard on to bring up to scratch. One friend commented about how much work I was putting into it, surely I wouldn’t be there for long as this is “just a starter home?”
She owned a five bedroom detached house by 30, which has been completely renovated and hot tub built in and double garage and all sorts…….doesn’t consider that her parents bought her first “starter home” outright for her.

Location makes a difference. I to could get much more for my money only a twenty or minute drive away. But I wouldn’t have the multiple great train links, shops, 4 major supermarkets and buses within a 10 or 5 minute walk. There’s reasons for prices.

Be proud OP, and ignore these “friends”. If I ever get down about my home I make myself remember how many people have no home, will never manage to buy, or are stuck in temporary housing, poor quality rentals etc. You’ve done fantastically, be proud of your home.

Sizzer40 · 17/04/2022 19:37

B*tches.
Get rid of the Regina George’s and makes some new friends.

0infp0 · 17/04/2022 19:38

Fuck them, congrats on the house 🏠

Yellownightmare · 17/04/2022 19:38

@VioletVesper

I’ve experienced this too. People who I thought genuinely cared and would be happy to see me finally doing well, were not, because it turned out they liked the dynamic of being superior to me and I guess making them feel better about their own situations. It was a very sad and hurtful realisation.

For them all to have been so OPENLY rude OP, it has to be coming from a place of jealously/insecurity.

Unfortunately, I do think some people are like that. I don't get it as I love to share in friends' good fortune. I can also be there for the awful times but why do some people have to put others down to make themselves feel better?

OP enjoy your lovely house, it's a real achievement, especially doing it on your own.

PeachesToday · 17/04/2022 19:39

They are jealous and sad people.

Ditch them and enjoy your glorious home x

Original poster
Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 19:39

@MzHz

Christ alive! Were they always complete bitches married to complete arseholes or had you only noticed now?
😂 one of them actually bullied me in school for a while. And they have all had their moments over they years. It’s a strange set up I suppose.

I have taken a big step back - only see them every couple of months. Our mums are still friends - and we have known each other since we were four.

I was always the awkward one in the poor fitting untrendy clothes, over weight and unattractive. The one whose parents couldn’t afford the skiing holidays or BMWs.

I think I have hung on to prove to them I am not the sad loser I used to be. Maybe then some painters are right and I was a bit boastful or overly pleased in myself. And on the other side they have been used to looking at me as the fat ugly unfashionable fiend that laughed about with the popular boys.

I actually remember standing in a nightclub at about 17 and hearing two of them making fun of my outfit with some boys they were flirting with!

It was like that again with the house - except we are In our forties now and my house is fabulous!!!

OP posts:
nearly8 · 17/04/2022 19:39

@SocksAndTheCity

They sound jealous to me. You say that a similar house in the town where they all live would be a lot cheaper, so they're probably hacked off that you live in a lovely house near a park in a city, and they are stuck in some provincial shithole with no amenities where nobody else wants to live.
^^^ This

They don't sound like friends to me. Fuck them and the horse they rode in on!! I'm sorry but you need to find new friends. Or just don't have friends at all. As long as you are happy and you like your house what does it matter what some jealous, pompous, mean spirited, bad minded d*kh*ds think.

Enjoy your new house and smile every day

Clarefromwork · 17/04/2022 19:40

Some people could be jealous of your life - some envy single friends with no kids nice house etc but wouldn’t want to admit it!
My friend has recently moved into a new house and I am jealous - it’s so nice and mine is old needs lots of works, not as nice area etc but when I saw hers I said how nice it was and I would love to live there etc.
Hope you enjoy your new house, don’t let them get you down!

VangVieng · 17/04/2022 19:40

F*k ‘em OP and massive CONGRATS 🎉

They are mean-spirited. If any of my friends invite me to their home I’m always very complementary and chuffed to bits for them, even if whatever isn’t to my taste - cos I can see how hard they work and how happy they are. It’s not what I want, it’s about what they want and have achieved.

I’ve encountered my fair share of nasty bitches and narcissists but I literally can’t imagine the scenario where people behave in the way you’ve described.

Enjoy your home and find some new friends close by Smile

Original poster
Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 19:42

@Dancer47

Your "friends" are crass, empty people and they don't like you much. They aren't kind people. Perhaps concentrate on other people in your life who deserve your attention, rather than them.

Also "Pride cometh before a fall" - be careful about being "proud" - it isn't a plus. Perhaps your pride got under their skin. The tradespeople who built your house are entitled to be proud of their skilled work and hard graft in creating the building - you only bought the house so I don't see where being "proud" comes in.

I suppose I am proud that I grafter is hard an have carved out this life for myself.

I don’t see anything wrong with being proud of my house. But I should really just keep that to myself.

Lots of people I know live their homes and are proud of their lives.

But yes I should keep my yeah me moments to myself.

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 17/04/2022 19:43

They’re jealous OP

Plus some people who never leave their home town become incredibly insular (I stress some people). Like there’s nowhere else on earth as good. They’ve never lived anywhere else and can’t see why anyone would. They’ve probably never moved a mile beyond their parents. Kind of like an extended infantilisation, It’s really sad and pathetic tbh

Forget them and enjoy your lovely new home!

Jakki2019 · 17/04/2022 19:43

Be proud of what you have achieved, sounds like you have achieved a dream. They are NOT true friends, true friends would be happy for you.
Congratulations on your new home, hope you will be very happy there. 🏡

Clymene · 17/04/2022 19:44

They aren't your friends lovely, they are just people who you have known a long time. They're threatened by the fact that you've had the confidence to leave your home town, to strike out on your own, to not settle.

Be really proud. And feel sorry for them that they are so bitter and unhappy in their lives.

Congratulations- I know how hard it is doing it on your own.

IncompleteSenten · 17/04/2022 19:44

Did your autocorrect change 'twats' to 'friends'?

Kitkat151 · 17/04/2022 19:44

Ditch them....they sound fucking horrible....Make new friends

Okaaaay · 17/04/2022 19:44

Definitely green eyed monster. Try to recognise this is ALL about them - their reaction has nothing to do with how lovely you or your house are. It’s baggage they have. Regardless, utterly unacceptable behaviour from them - horribly rude and mean - they are not your friends OP

Herejustforthisone · 17/04/2022 19:45

Also "Pride cometh before a fall" - be careful about being "proud" - it isn't a plus. Perhaps your pride got under their skin. The tradespeople who built your house are entitled to be proud of their skilled work and hard graft in creating the building - you only bought the house so I don't see where being "proud" comes in.

What are you on @Dancer47? You don’t think the OP is entitled to be proud she bought herself a home on her own because she didn’t build it herself? 😂

PersephonePomegranate · 17/04/2022 19:47

I'd say jealous or resentful that you've moved out of your hometown, maybe insecure that it makes them seem dull or unambitious for staying?

I'm never one to shout jealousy as an answer to all mean behaviour, but this rely sore smack of projection to me.

PinkSyCo · 17/04/2022 19:48

They are rude, snobby mean girls. Do not invite them to your home again.

notwhatineednow · 17/04/2022 19:49

I was always the awkward one in the poor fitting untrendy clothes, over weight and unattractive. The one whose parents couldn’t afford the skiing holidays or BMWs.

I think I have hung on to prove to them I am not the sad loser I used to be. Maybe then some painters are right and I was a bit boastful or overly pleased in myself. And on the other side they have been used to looking at me as the fat ugly unfashionable fiend that laughed about with the popular boys.

I actually remember standing in a nightclub at about 17 and hearing two of them making fun of my outfit with some boys they were flirting with!

Wow, these people are arseholes!! And they are not your friends. They are toxic.

They are struggling because they are used to feeling superior to you. They are judgemental, just like your hometown is.

They don't know how to handle you being successful and happy, outside of their little bubble. It threatens their narrowminded world view, where they are queens of the little universe they've created.

Your success and different type of lifestyle, and different values (less shallow ones) reminds them that they're not queens of the universe, only of their little patch, and they feel uncomfortable out there in the real world being little fish in a big pond.

They needed to tell themselves how ridiculous it was that you had spent all that money on a house outside of their bubble, as it made them nervous! Let them hurry back to their little pond, and leave them there.

You sound like the kindest, most compassionate, reflective of the group. Go find some people who deserve your company, it's not this lot.