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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends mean about my new house

350 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 18:38

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

OP posts:
Usernamerequired · 19/04/2022 11:21

Horrible people, maybe jealousy issues. Don’t invite them back

UsernameNotAvailableHmm · 19/04/2022 11:28

I do think it would be unreasonable of you to expect your friends to pretend they like your new house,
However, by being themselves and saying what they really think, it has shown you their true colours,
You can make better friends than these people in your new area,
Enjoy your new home and be proud of your achievements

Cuddlywaterfall · 19/04/2022 12:24

A four bed house, on your own, with a walk in wardrobe?? Yeah they are green with envy (as am I Grin). Could you post a pic of your dressing room OP? I'd love to se it!!

PumpkinSpicexx · 19/04/2022 13:53

Congrats on your new house. You sound like a lovely person and treat people the way you would like to be treated. Unfortunately, they sound like total dicks and didn't care about hurting your feelings. Hope you make some lovely new friends.

StargazerAli · 19/04/2022 14:43

Your so-called friends are obviously small-town, narrow-minded. Ignore them and think yourself lucky that you can now keep them at a distance to see as and when you choose.

Bouledeneige · 19/04/2022 19:06

I really feel for you OP. It's a real
achievement to have bought a home on your own just where you want it with lots of space and a big garden. It does sound like they are defending their own choices and being jealous of your success.

I bought a new home last year - the first on my own. It really meant a lot to me and I loved people saying nice things about it. I did have one person say I overpaid for it. It's definitely not overpriced but she's just that person who has to chip away a bit if someone else is feeling like they've achieved something. It's the tall poppy syndrome.

Well done you.

User435787532 · 19/04/2022 19:11

Congratulations on your new home. And sending luck your way for your love life, you sound lovely and independent, which makes you great partner material in my book Wink

I complete empathise. I have a very similar situation with my group of old school friends. They all live in our home town and I’ve moved to the nearest city. Out of the 8 of us only 2 have visited my house (moved last September) and one of those was an obvious snoop- just wanting to check out what we’d got.

They are still friends, only 2 I would class as good friends, but honestly the rest of them I’m friends with as part of ‘the group.’ They aren’t people I would choose to be friends with now. The town we grew up in is your typical white, upper/ middle class, keeping up with the Joneses type place… and unfortunately they have bought into that, and meet ups can leave me feeling deflated and frankly depressed. They even gossip about so and so from school etc like we’re still in 6th form… I don’t care!! Grin

Take them for who they are, pity them that they feel this is an acceptable way to behave in your home, enjoy your own life and be happy that you aren’t like them and you have other nice friends.

As Michelle Obama says- when they go low, we go high. Smile xxx

MustardAndKetchup · 19/04/2022 19:20

First of all: congratulations on your new house!!! Well done you. Enjoy it!

Secondly, ugh - your friends sound like they behaved really badly and should be embarrassed of themselves. I can 💯 relate to this - I bought in London and a friend of mine (non-Londoner!) came round to see my new flat and spent the whole time openly laughing at how much I’d paid for it, and even telling me she couldn’t wait to tell her friends from her own town!

I genuinely don’t think some people realise how rude they’re being. I just tried to keep cool - although it still irritates me to think about it!

Barney60 · 19/04/2022 20:08

I echo others, they sound jealous.
Ignore them.
Good luck in your new home!

BitOutOfPractice · 20/04/2022 09:31

VioletVesper · 17/04/2022 19:18

I’ve experienced this too. People who I thought genuinely cared and would be happy to see me finally doing well, were not, because it turned out they liked the dynamic of being superior to me and I guess making them feel better about their own situations. It was a very sad and hurtful realisation.

For them all to have been so OPENLY rude OP, it has to be coming from a place of jealously/insecurity.

I think this is spot on.

They are insecure and so they see your moving out of "their" town as an insult to them / you commenting on their life choices because they haven't moved.

Congratulations of your new home

HelloTreacle9 · 20/04/2022 09:53

I saw a Brene Brown clip on Insta this morning that was along the lines of "I thought about something I taught my kids when they were in elementary school ... I used to ask them to cup their hands and put them in front of me. And I said, 'In your hand is your flame. It's your soul. It's your light. You need to surround yourself with friends who, when your light is shining bright, don't feel the need to blow it out'."

They are childish people trying to blow out your flame. They always have done, since you were little. They are not friends and you don't need them in your life. Congratulations on your lovely new home, enjoy it!

Juniper68 · 20/04/2022 11:26

HelloTreacle9 · 20/04/2022 09:53

I saw a Brene Brown clip on Insta this morning that was along the lines of "I thought about something I taught my kids when they were in elementary school ... I used to ask them to cup their hands and put them in front of me. And I said, 'In your hand is your flame. It's your soul. It's your light. You need to surround yourself with friends who, when your light is shining bright, don't feel the need to blow it out'."

They are childish people trying to blow out your flame. They always have done, since you were little. They are not friends and you don't need them in your life. Congratulations on your lovely new home, enjoy it!

Love that ❤

Celendine · 20/04/2022 12:51

They're not your friends, you are more mature than them and they are bad mannered people. Sometimes you outgrow friendships as you get older and your school friends can be one of these groups.

CantGetDecentNickname · 20/04/2022 13:39

It seems that you have moved on and grown up and they haven't really. I'd just go LC with them and grey rock when necessary. Certainly don't ever invite them again and if they ask why, just say that they didn't like your place so assumed they wouldn't want to be invited. Don't bother to put yourself out to visit them either.

Understandably someone else's choices in decor may not be to your taste, but beyond a "well it's not my kind of colour scheme, but I do like X, Y...." it is just being rude to say anything else. It was also done deliberately to hurt your feelings and somehow put you back in the place they've always seen you in. You know you've moved out from their shadow and are doing very well on your own. You have outgrown them.

Rosehugger · 20/04/2022 14:17

Even if you didn't like the house, if your friend loved it and was happy, you wouldn't say anything would you? They seem to be, at the very least, a little lacking in social skills.

CateJW · 21/04/2022 10:40

It amazes me how people can treat their "friends" this way. They sound either jealous that you live in the city or petty and mean. Either way they suck!
I would phase them out of my life personally. Life is too short for a crappy inner circle

KarmaStar · 21/04/2022 11:08

Yanbu but why give people this power over you?why have you let their comments spoil your pleasure in your new home?
They wanted to feel they had the power because they are not very nice,and you have it to them.
Work on your confidence.
Congratulations,enjoy your lovely New home.🌈

Pipsquiggle · 21/04/2022 11:23

These are not friends, they are 'frenemies'

Sounds like you have an epic house, be proud of it.

I have a set a school friends and 2 are incredibly 'successful' - big jobs, big houses, family etc but luckily we have always been able to take the piss out of each other if any of us get too big for our boots which I think helps the dynamic immensely.

I am always pleased when people get new property, even if it doesn't look very nice, then it always has 'potential.' We do tend to talk about prices but only in terms of where the market is in that particular area

Murdoch1949 · 24/04/2022 03:13

Mean, jealous women.

Lozenge007 · 17/06/2025 03:51

The same thing happened to me - 30 years ago when I built my house. I had people openly insult my taste. It’s jealousy, nothing more, nothing less. I have since ditched these so called friends (who all live in very plain, boring houses).

JMSA · 17/06/2025 04:08

Wow. Just wow. YANBU. And congrats on your lovely new home x

JMSA · 17/06/2025 04:09

Just to add, no way can they be happy in their own lives!

CambsAlways · 17/06/2025 13:39

I would bet these so called friends of yours) in fact not friends of yours at all run everyone down how bloody boring pathetic idiots

ScottChegg · 17/06/2025 13:43

I dare say OP has got over it in the three years since she posted this.

StargazerAli · 17/06/2025 18:23

Easy mistake - I posted something on this topic earlier too, before realising how old it was and deleting it 😁

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