Friends mean about my new house

[Mellowyellow222]

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

‘ I used to be the very poor one one the group. ’

How very dare you do better than they expected you to do.
They may have this, that & the other … but you are not the poor one any more. How dare you upset the eternal rules of the Universe by not being the poor one 4ever?

Not only are the jealous (dressing room, I want one!), you have also moved their cheeses, rattle their equilibrium & destroyed their social pecking order.

What are you like?
😉

“ I genuinely don’t see why they would be jealous. Many of them have children - I am still single and at my age children is now unlikely. Many are in relationships - I am terminally single.

My career has gone well - but I am the stereotypical spinster - I even have a cat (who doesn’t really like me😂). Oh am I am overweight! Nothing to be jealous of I promise.”

Why are you putting yourself down. You’re single, not overweight but curvy and voluptuous, have your own place where you want to live and don’t answer to anyone.

Your so called friends are jealous.

Get better friends and tell them to eff off

They are not your friends OP. They sound jealous to me. Find some nicer friends.

I just can't imagine this conversation happening with friends. They sound awful. You don't sound like them at all. I'm trying to imagine where you might live - it sounds fab.

Mil suffers from green eyed monster syndrome and steadfastly refuses to acknowledge anything I do to improve my home. Complained that my car seats were too high, the sun roof was too big, the air con was too cold. I just ignore it all and continue to try to find things to actively compliment when I visit her. It really spoils her though. She can't even bring herself to ask after holidays we go on.

They sound really odd. How unusual for a whole group of people to be so rude and weird. Bizarre

@Mellowyellow222

Thanks all. We have been friends since primary school. I have other groups of friends from uni and work who have been so see the house and who have been delighted for me.

This group seem to take it as an insult that I chose not to move away from our home town. There are some lovely places there - but I found it quite snobby and judgemental. I prefer more anonymity in the city. I also work in the city - and I can walk to my office from my house which is lovely.

I mainly travel to see them and always bring house warming gifts and tell them how gorgeous their new homes are. I am genuinely pleased for them and don’t feel the need to compare.

The comments about how much it cost really stung - they were openly laughing- this house for that much. Unbelievable - I would never spend that sort of lent for this. I was really quite embarrassed. That is just how much houses cost here - and I don’t know why they had to look it up!!

Sorry - I have had a few glasses of wine and am bow sitting wishing I hadn’t bloody bothered inviting them

You've outgrown your primary school's clique of mean girls.

Congratulations on that, @Mellowyellow222, as well as on your lovely-sounding house.

Your friends from uni and work, the people who met you as an adult, are your real friends who appreciate the real you. These primary school bitches are only people you know because you happened to be thrown together geographically when you were kids, and their relationship with you is dependent on what they perceive the hierarchy and your status in it to be. You don't need that nonsense in your life.

We've just bought a place I could never have dreamed of and I understand just how you feel, about not quite believeing it's all yours. I know that to some of my richer friends it'd seem modest (it's not even detached, the horror) but it's perfect for DP and I. And none of our friends are rude enough to put it down - and if they were they wouldn't be our friends.

I moved away from my home town well really a village i worked in city 30 miles away so when my dad died i sold house and moved to the city,im retired now but still live there happily. I got negative comments to stuff like O why do you want to move,you will miss the sea, and in spite of many saying will come and visit when we come to city apart from my oldest school friend noone does.

But ive old work colleagues i m still friends with,sit ones dog for her when shes at work,made loads new friends started social group with 3 of them. Im million times happier in city, 20 min walk into centre from mine.You often outgrow people Remember some never leave their hometown i got loads of negativity.when i left,bit of green eye because you though on own did it.i felt that.Enjoy your new home and i d not invite them again,

Block them all, and move on. They're horrible and don't deserve you. Enjoy your lovely new home.

F*ck them. They're not friends. They sound incredibly jealous, rude & disrespectful. I wouldn't invite them over again.

Congratulations & eternal happiness in your new home xx

Horrible of them. Find some new friends.

People get really funny about houses
I've had it before because I "just live in a flat"
Yep. But it's ground floor with a garden and is bigger than the 2 bed houses on the same site, I just don't have stairs! Which was a bonus after surgery TBH
It's like people think it's not a proper home because it's a flat? I actually lived in a 3 bed house before and downsized to this

@Mellowyellow222 big hugs.

I'll tell you what's happening here.
You were the one with nothing, the lowest in the group so to speak. These women got used to you being there and even mocked you as kids- almost like they needed someone they could take the piss out of. That's been the set up for years.

Nowadays, you've got some real positive things going on that you've obviously worked hard for (and deserved). You are now not the black sheep of the group with nothing, you've actually exceeded the group and they don't like the girl who was poor in ill fitting clothes being the woman as you stand today. They are jealous.

You need to cut them off for your own MH as they will bring you down, they need you to be the child you were not the woman you are.

I wouldn't be surprised if some of these 'friends' have given you unhelpful advice in the past that has actually lost you other friendships or even relationships to keep you downtrodden and stop you being happy.

I really hope this helps you begin to value yourself more and avoid this toxic group.

Wow! They sound like a bunch of spiteful schoolchildren. No wonder you felt like you were 15 again. You’ve moved on in many ways but they’re still playing the same broken record. Enjoy your beautiful house and your real friends and let them belittle other people instead.

Why would you invite a group of women who you used to go to school with to your new home? There are a lot of women I went to school with but I wouldn’t want them at my home. Why didn’t you just say friends from my home town? It sounds to me like you invited a load of people you used to know from school with the intention to show off your new place but it backfired a bit.

Congrats on your new home and everything but who were these women? Good friends you’ve kept in touch with or simply a group of women from school? If the latter, I’d question your intention in what you wanted to gain from this event.

Good friends would not do this to you. I’m not sure what you hoped to gain from this event.

I feel jealous reading your house description OP. Try to ignore them, your choice, your house/home. You don't need anyone's validation. Enjoy your new home 😊

These people are not your friends. They actually sound jealous. Good for you on buying your dream home.

They sound like utter dicks.

Move on from them and enjoy the lovely new home you have worked hard for.

These people are not your friends. I'd take a big step back from them and move on. You don't need them. You sound lovely

There is nothing wrong about being bombed you bought a house you always dreamed about. Well done, many people don't come close!

I think it's so odd. I've never gone back to my home town. My friends who are there are amazing people, always asking me to contact them if I ever visit etc. Noones snobby about anything.

Your friends sound like snobs to me and inappropriately snobby. Maybe they've all bullied you all your life and this bitchiness is adult bullying?

Point is you are your own person have your own life and don't need false friends like them. I'd probably tell them that their behavior was OOO you love your house, it's exactly where you dreamed of living and you're really happy. Then leave the ball in their court.

Spend more time with your other friends and tell your mum what happened too. She will no doubt weave it into convos with their parents in a nice way - our ... is really happy in her new house. She always dreamed of living there. It's so convenient for work/city seeing her uni friends... whatever the truth is.

Best of the best, xxx

Oh OP they sound very unkind, it seems like you’ve had to deal with a lot of rudeness from them over the years, I’m not surprised you feel like you revert to a teen, trying to prove yourself but you’ve clearly done very well for yourself and you should be proud!
To me it didn’t sound like you were poor as a child, they just made you feel that way and no one should ever be looked down on, they’ve never been your real friends.
I hope you continue to enjoy your new home and celebrate with the people who are genuinely happy for you.

Perhaps you make them feel uncomfortable because you’re carving out your life independently and doing very well. Either way I wouldn’t invite them again. I’d shoo them and their negativity away for good. They really should be happy for you even if you are a bit full of yourself as one commenter mentioned. I just got a lovely new car but I absolutely daren’t show off about it cos people are funny.

You chose the house and you love it.
Keep the house and dump the jealous 'friends'
I hope you'll be very happy there and make new local friends

You will probably meet some lovely new friends in your new area. What horrible nasty people. Maybe they are secretly jealous.

I would take it as a compliment that they are all so jealous of you. I have a friend like this she is always quick to show off whatever she buys but makes snide remarks whenever I buy anything. I bought a brand new car, nothing flashy but obviously brand new (you could smell the newness) she didnt even mention it when I picked her up. When she goes on holiday we have to hear all about the fabulous places she has visited and hotel she stayed in. She never asks how my holiday was. I dont meet up with her very often now.

Had similar myself. You have gone up in the hierarchy as living in a more expensive home which they probably cannot afford and they don't like it one bit.