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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends mean about my new house

350 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 18:38

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 17/04/2022 19:15

Ditch these people - they are not friends, just people you know. Join in things locally and meet new people and move on.

DisforDarkChocolate · 17/04/2022 19:16

They aren't friends.

Some people get weirdly annoyed by single women managing anything like buying a house. Some people get even more annoyed by people moving away from their home town, they seem to think it's a reflection on where they live.

Its unfortunate all your friends are like this. I'd be massively impressed by you. Congratulations.

Heyisforhorses · 17/04/2022 19:16

@Mellowyellow222 did they not even bring you a housewarming present? If they didn't you need to step away from them, they are part of that not nice area of your old town. New house, new friends, new life and maybe someone will find their way down your country lane at some stage too Wink

TidyDancer · 17/04/2022 19:16

@VyeBrator

This is one of those strange threads where hearing the other side might possibly sway the answers enormously.

I expect people will type 'jealous' without even thinking but when you actually do think about it, it's bizarre that they would all act that way.

Is there a chance your 'pride' in getting a house might've come across as boastful, or one-upmanship or anything like that at all?

If not, like I said, it's bizarre.

Yes this was my first thought as well.

I have a friend who bought her first house through shared ownership a year and a half ago. She would not stop going on about it. I don't think it was boasting as such, but just not realising how annoying it was and was driving several people up the wall. One friend actually told her she would only be allowed to mention it once a day and she still didn't seem to get it.

She mentioned a couple of people had made less than positive comments about the house and someone had pointed out that she was renting as well. She thought it was sour grapes. I still think it was their effort to get her to stop talking about it because it was incessant.

If that's genuinely not what's happening in this case, it's very odd.

Motnight · 17/04/2022 19:17

Fuck 'em.

TotallyTS · 17/04/2022 19:17

Well, they sound like a bunch of nasty, jealous bitches.
A couple of my friends have bought places recently and I'm so happy for them even though it's out of reach for me.

I'd be so happy for you and honestly, I am mad jealous of your dressing room. I bet they are too.

Small town sniping because even a little bit of them wants your life.

Sometimes I find that friends struggle with those that make different choices. Whether that's big or little stuff. I think some take it as a judgment of/rejection of the life they chose.

I really hope you continue to enjoy your lovely house and enjoy the friends who are positive. We all deserve cheerleaders and not people who drag us down.

CambsAlways · 17/04/2022 19:17

I’d be giving them the heave ho

HRTQueen · 17/04/2022 19:17

You did this on your own

That gets some women’s backs up. I don’t know why single women are subjected to this negativity but it’s certainly a thing.

Well done a fantastic achievement and try to ignore them. Enjoy your new home

Jmaho · 17/04/2022 19:18

I have similar "friends" it seems. My so called closest friend who hasnt worked for years but has wealthy parents and husband lives in a huge house which they recently bought for £800k and straight away are doing a huge extension with top of the range everything
Came to my new house which is a nice 4 bed detached in a lovely area (one she's not really familiar with as not her neck of the woods) Within 5 mins of being there she asked why we had bought a house that wasn't big enough for us (we have 4 children) and told me that my not massive but perfectly reasonably sized kitchen was smaller than her utility room. She had to get out of that room as she felt claustrophobic!
Just utterly rude and snobby and absolutely said to make me feel bad
Whenever I have visited somebody in there house I have been complimentary and kind about everything but maybe I was bought up well and she wasn't!
Since we all have children we tend to meet up at our houses and have some drinks and a take away. She more often than not insist on hosting at her house as only hers in big enough she says
Honestly she's quite nasty and I'm not quite sure why I'm actually friends with her!

VioletVesper · 17/04/2022 19:18

I’ve experienced this too. People who I thought genuinely cared and would be happy to see me finally doing well, were not, because it turned out they liked the dynamic of being superior to me and I guess making them feel better about their own situations. It was a very sad and hurtful realisation.

For them all to have been so OPENLY rude OP, it has to be coming from a place of jealously/insecurity.

frazzledasarock · 17/04/2022 19:20

Who googled house prices in someone’s new house and comments on it?

They’re so jealous I’m surprised they didn’t turn green & spontaneously combust.

Don’t let them pit a downer on your new home.

It’s a massive achievement buying your dream house. Congratulations!

Take a massive step away from these frenemies & be busy next time you’re required to rock up with gifts for them.

FabFitFifties · 17/04/2022 19:20

I also wonder if they have previously enjoyed a a smug belief of superiority, in their coupled up, with children, lives. You may have ruined that for them.

RosiePosieDozy · 17/04/2022 19:21

They're definitely not your friends. I have friends who have moved to many different areas and when I have been to see their houses, I have never made a nasty remark. I wouldn't dream of being anything but complimentary.

They're jealous and don't seem to like you very much.

Popsicle33 · 17/04/2022 19:21

Jealous twats! Don't let them know how upset you are. Just gradually phase them out, they aren't friends! And certainly stop with the presents etc!

Enjoy your lovely new home and make new friends!

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 17/04/2022 19:22

I hope that you make lovely new friends in your area and I wish you much happiness in your new home.

TotallyTS · 17/04/2022 19:23

@frazzledasarock

Who googled house prices in someone’s new house and comments on it?

They’re so jealous I’m surprised they didn’t turn green & spontaneously combust.

Don’t let them pit a downer on your new home.

It’s a massive achievement buying your dream house. Congratulations!

Take a massive step away from these frenemies & be busy next time you’re required to rock up with gifts for them.

Exactly. You google when you get home, everyone knows this. Grin
Original poster
Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 19:24

@TidyDancer I have been concerned about that. I have been very excited about the house and have been chatting about it. I hope it didn’t come across as boastful - but maybe it did.

The focus on the comments seemed to be about living in the city and how much the house cost. I didn’t raise that at all - and is suspect some of their houses cost more. I do t know though I didn’t look up their house prices. Two couples traveled up rifts her and the husbands arrived talking loudly about house prices - why they don’t live i t he city and can you believe what £x gets you here compared to home - unbelievable!

I used to be the very poor one one the group. Maybe I overcompensate now we are adults. So yes maybe I do feel the need to prove myself with them. That I am as good as them now. Maybe that’s why I got caterers in. But some of them do that too.

Maybe I just shouldn’t be friends with them anymore - maybe they bring out something in me from childhood that isn’t nice. Maybe that’s what they are reacting to?

You are right - nothing is ever black and white and I am sure I am at fault here too.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/04/2022 19:25

OP,

You sound lovely, as does your home.
Living in a city, walking distance from work is living the dream for many.

They are united in their jealousy, even though you find it hard to believe, and their mean spiritedness.

I really wouldn't be using energy to see these people.

Focus your time and energy on where you are now living.

Flowers
RealBecca · 17/04/2022 19:25

Clearly jealous. Never left the hometown or made friends outside of it. Spread your wings and leave them to it, you sound like you're a nicer friend. See more of the uni fronted.s

MzHz · 17/04/2022 19:25

Christ alive! Were they always complete bitches married to complete arseholes or had you only noticed now?

MzHz · 17/04/2022 19:29

You used to be the poor one… now you’re on a par…

Like the fat girl who loses loads of weight, you’re putting THEM under pressure somehow

Utter cunts the lot of them. Distance yourself and don’t invite them back.

I’d drop them like a sack of shit tbh, life is too short to have people who want you to stay in the role that makes them feel better about themselves.

Sylfia · 17/04/2022 19:31

Angle of the drain cover HmmGrin

Original poster
Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 19:32

@RealBecca

Clearly jealous. Never left the hometown or made friends outside of it. Spread your wings and leave them to it, you sound like you're a nicer friend. See more of the uni fronted.s
In fairness some of them left for uni - and then for a few years after and moved back in their late twenties. It’s a nice place for families and I can see why they are happy there. It just wasn’t for me. I have never implied I am better because I moved away - it’s only half an hour or so by car so no big distance and really still in the same general area - I am not living a wild cosmopolitan life in comparison.
OP posts:
HRTQueen · 17/04/2022 19:33

You are not at fault at all

They have been horrible they have chosen to be. It’s their insecurities that they should deal with

Don’t give it more thought it’s wasted energy

Praxoulla007 · 17/04/2022 19:33

Well done OP and Congrats on your new home ! How lovely. Well done you.

And well done for not being rude to them despite them being awful. I don't think I would have been so polite.

They sound awful so please make new friends and stay away from taxic friends. If its not jealousy then they are just insecure. And well done you again.