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Original poster

Friends mean about my new house

350 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 18:38

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

OP posts:
Musomama1 · 17/04/2022 19:49

I had a friend like your pals, always finding some way to put down and sneer at good things in my life. I remember her and her friend laughing at my new job and saying it was shit. (It was actually an amazing job that took years of hard work to pull off and she was pissed at my earnings)

If they were really as you described do yourself a favour and cut them off. I don't usually recommend dumping friends as a lot of friendships can be salvageable, but there really is no hope here as there is not even a bit of respect to you.

Plenty of nice people out there looking for new friends, find them!

Gardengirl108 · 17/04/2022 19:50

Enjoy your new home. And don’t invite those ‘friends’ back.

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/04/2022 19:52

@Dancer47

Your "friends" are crass, empty people and they don't like you much. They aren't kind people. Perhaps concentrate on other people in your life who deserve your attention, rather than them.

Also "Pride cometh before a fall" - be careful about being "proud" - it isn't a plus. Perhaps your pride got under their skin. The tradespeople who built your house are entitled to be proud of their skilled work and hard graft in creating the building - you only bought the house so I don't see where being "proud" comes in.

@Dancer47

Urgh wtf are you on about?!

Of course OP can feel proud! She bought that house, her and her alone. The people that built the house have no claim or ownership of it, but Op does! It’s all hers now to do what she wants with it. Because of her hard work and determination. If a woman can’t feel proud about that then what can they feel proud about?!

What is it about a woman feeling proud that disconcerts you?

Cakecakecheese · 17/04/2022 19:52

Some people are just not happy unless they're pissing on someone's parade, imagine being that pathetic that you get joy from knocking someone else's achievements.

Congratulations on your home.

MummyJ12 · 17/04/2022 19:52

Sounds like jealousy to me. I’m so sorry that they couldn’t be happy for you and celebrate with you.
True friends and genuine, nice people would never behave like this. Find some new friends that deserve you.
Happy New Home Flowers

Gagaandgag · 17/04/2022 19:52

Congratulations on your lovely new home. Try and stay strong by remembering it is them and not you. Like others have said I would try and distant yourself from these people now and make some new friends/hang out with uni friends.

I was friends with a group since school (30 odd years) and one of them was incredibly unkind to me when my young child was diagnosed with special needs -things were incredibly stressful and challenging and I was struggling to cope - she ostracised me and then the whole group followed suit.
I couldn’t let it go- I think mainly because of the old ‘been friends since school’

It upset me so much for so many years but it’s been over 3 years now and I’ve made some really lovely new and very kind friends who are definitely more on my wavelength. They aren’t judgemental and there is mutual respect. Now I wouldn’t want to be friends with the old school gang anymore. Obviously there are many people who have happy and supportive long lasting friendships since school but also - just because it’s been going on so long, doesn’t make it right. They were rude and unkind. Life is too short! You deserve better! 😘

Totheweekend · 17/04/2022 19:53

Well, I for one think your new place is fabulous and you are going to be very happy there! And maybe you are also going to make some lively new friends there.

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/04/2022 19:54

I know you’ve said that you don’t think so OP but I still think they might be jealous especially those with kids.

You’ve got this lovely house that you can decorate exactly how you want! You don’t have to make it child friendly, you don’t have to rein yourself in in any way, you can do in this house whatever you want and they will have to think about their kids and be restricted by them and they absolutely will be jealous of you!

northernruth · 17/04/2022 19:54

Yeah I wouldn't say jealously more that they see it as an insult to the fact they've stayed put. Some people need others to validate their life choices - like when people who are child free get loads of guilt of parents. there is a choice in life about where we live, you've made a choice and that will be perceived as a criticism. They are small minded and you need to ditch them. I've seen this at home with certain friends snarking about others' choices to move to more popular areas that cost twice as much.

cstx89 · 17/04/2022 19:54

Oh no OP. They sound like awful friends and maybe jealous?

Ditch them and get new friends (easier said than done) but these people are not the kind of ppl u want in your life.

Congrats on the house. Enjoy it all Thanks

cansu · 17/04/2022 19:55

They sound mean. If they are good friends they would have said something nice.

JackieWeaver101 · 17/04/2022 19:56

I suspect the only thing 'wrong' with your new home is that it is only a thirty-minute drive from your home town. They sound horrible.

Dolphinnoises · 17/04/2022 19:57

So they have always negged you? And now they’re negging you about your house. They are awful, and somehow your self-esteem has become tied to their opinion of you. Time to leave them behind and figure out who you really are.

ladycarlotta · 17/04/2022 19:58

*I think I have hung on to prove to them I am not the sad loser I used to be. Maybe then some painters are right and I was a bit boastful or overly pleased in myself. And on the other side they have been used to looking at me as the fat ugly unfashionable fiend that laughed about with the popular boys.

I actually remember standing in a nightclub at about 17 and hearing two of them making fun of my outfit with some boys they were flirting with!

It was like that again with the house - except we are In our forties now and my house is fabulous!!!*

Cut these people loose. Their nasty perception of you is still hanging over you and it does not need to be. I doubt you were as tragic as you make out as a teen, and even if you were who cares? Teenagers are chronically tragic. Your problem was that you hung around with people who made you feel ashamed of yourself. Real friends see the amazingness in you, they love you and appreciate you and want the best for you. They don't mock you. This was never about you, it's always been them.

I think it's clear that they are now spitting feathers that you have a fabulous house, a successful and financially carefree life as a single person, and a great career. They absolutely want what you have. They cast you as the failure and they can't cope now you're breaking out of that role. I repeat: real friends want you to do well

Also, be proud. I'm sure the builders who built your house are also proud (?????? bizarre point to make) but you bought it, you made this life for yourself, you get to be proud.

PortalooSunset · 17/04/2022 19:59

They're not friends love. And they haven't been very well brought up either.

Friends mean about my new house
FairyPolkadot · 17/04/2022 20:00

Your (so called) friends have shown themselves up to be ill mannered, small minded and envious.

I’m very sorry that their behaviour hurt you but I assure you that they really have made fools only of themselves. Your loyalty to your childhood friend group is admirable but it’s time to leave them behind.

Be happy and enjoy your new home.

NETSRIK · 17/04/2022 20:01

Screams of jealousy

lakeswimmer · 17/04/2022 20:02

Move on from them OP. They were breathtakingly rude to be negative about your house in front of you, while they were your guests, eating food you'd paid for Shock I'm just astonished by how bad mannered they were.

I also think that people who look for the negative in things rather than the positive probably aren't very happy people. You don't need them in your life.

Livingmybestlifes · 17/04/2022 20:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

gingerbiscuits · 17/04/2022 20:05

Sounds like you need new friends to go with your new house!

Longdistance · 17/04/2022 20:06

Yeah, it’s jealousy, pure and simple.
I bought my first home and a ‘friend’ was really critical about lots of things. She still lived at home, so yeah, jealousy.
You can tell when the green eyed monster rears it’s ugly head. Even when I bought my first car and passed my driving test, an old bf was being critical of my car, the car I bought and insured etc on my own. He used to drive his mums car. I’m glad I dumped him.

Spacedebret · 17/04/2022 20:07

OP they aren’t very nice and are jealous that your move highlights their lack of movement. Laughing about the price- so childish, like they have never heard of how valuations work. They don’t like your confidence - try focus on your better friends.
I have a lovely house by a park, somewhere I never really thought I would live and one person I know just bags on endlessly about how difficult it would be to be so overlooked, to have people gawping inside all the time. Well it might be but gawpers would need some amazing long distance vision and to be about 15ft tall. I don’t know why she finds it so hard to say nothing or say something nice but I do know, whatever the reason, we won’t ever be friends!

StartingGrid · 17/04/2022 20:07

Your friends sound like twats... comments we had on our first home included it was "too big" and that our stairs are horrible so I do sympathise, their pettiness says more about them than your house. Congratulations OP, on your wonderful new home Wine

winterchills · 17/04/2022 20:08

They sound like horrible little bitches! I hope you find some new friends and a big congratulations xx

Nomorefuckstogive · 17/04/2022 20:10

I think, if they were true friends, they wouldn’t even think you were boastful, they would just feel proud and happy for you that you’ve done this on your own. I’m not saying you’ve been boastful, just trying to look for reasons for their nasty behaviour…Please, try to get new friends - they don’t sound as though they bring anything positive to your life. Well done on your lovely new home, I hope you’ll be very happy there Flowers