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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends mean about my new house

350 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 18:38

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 17/04/2022 23:29

@Mellowyellow222

Thanks all. We have been friends since primary school. I have other groups of friends from uni and work who have been so see the house and who have been delighted for me.

This group seem to take it as an insult that I chose not to move away from our home town. There are some lovely places there - but I found it quite snobby and judgemental. I prefer more anonymity in the city. I also work in the city - and I can walk to my office from my house which is lovely.

I mainly travel to see them and always bring house warming gifts and tell them how gorgeous their new homes are. I am genuinely pleased for them and don’t feel the need to compare.

The comments about how much it cost really stung - they were openly laughing- this house for that much. Unbelievable - I would never spend that sort of lent for this. I was really quite embarrassed. That is just how much houses cost here - and I don’t know why they had to look it up!!

Sorry - I have had a few glasses of wine and am bow sitting wishing I hadn’t bloody bothered inviting them

I understand your perspectives and frustrations, but rightly or wrongly, it's how people are at times.
katepilar · 17/04/2022 23:39

They must be unhappy about their own lives.
Enjoy your new house!

Thinkingblonde · 17/04/2022 23:39

You’ve upset the status quo and they don’t like it.

It happened to me when we bought a detached house on the same estate we already lived in. We had a three bed semi but had difficult neighbours so we put our house up for sale, we liked the area so when the detached came up for sale we put an offer in. The detached had a bigger garden, kitchen and a cloakroom with a loo.
The local Queen Bee lived in a semi just like the one we lived in, she really tried to outdo everyone on the estate; decorated every 6 months, new furniture, latest gadgets, first to get a car phone, first to get a mobile phone..anyway, our house sold quickly and our offer on the detached was accepted.
One day at school pick up QB mentioned the sold sign on our house and asked if we’d found a house yet.
I said, Yes, Anyroad Close, number five…the look on her face was priceless…”How can YOU afford that?”
Very easily, thank you.
My friend, who was listening to this exchange, had to walk away.
A year later my friend did exactly the same as us, sold her semi and bought a detached just like ours..QB was seething.
My friend and I had the last laugh because QB did the same except she paid three times more for her house than we did.

707smile · 17/04/2022 23:39

It definitely just sounds like they're jealous (and also bitches!).

HermioneKipper · 17/04/2022 23:48

They sound horrible. Sorry they tried to put a dampener on your lovely new house.

Congratulations and enjoy every minute of being there. And your dressing room sounds fabulous.

Ditch these “friends.” Sounds like you have lots of other lovely ones

mycatisannoying · 18/04/2022 00:16

Aww OP, that was so mean of them and really rubbish for you. I wonder if they were in part jealous. There must be something else going on for them to react in this way.
Anyway, I think your new place sounds lovely. Congratulations and I hope you'll be really happy there Thanks

fossilsmorefossils · 18/04/2022 03:26

@FabFitFifties

I also wonder if they have previously enjoyed a a smug belief of superiority, in their coupled up, with children, lives. You may have ruined that for them.
I also wonder if this is the reason. I've gone from being the poorer, single friend to marrying a high earner and living in a bigger house. Some "friends" clearly couldn't handle that.
boronia · 18/04/2022 03:54

Small town jealous bitches who've never spread their wings - they're mean girls.
Time for new friends!
Congratulations on your house, you should be proud of yourself. Xx

Lightning020 · 18/04/2022 04:31

Congratulations on your new home op. Are these supposed friends generally supportive? Perhaps they are two income households who have absolutely zero clue as to how far money can stretch.

Momijin · 18/04/2022 04:43

Shitty jealous friends.

I have a friend who I've distanced myself from whose only comment when she saw my new house that I had redecorated throughout was that she wouldn't have chosen the colours. I don't like her taste and I think her house is cluttered and garish but i always find something nice to say when she's done some decorating. I understand that we have different tastes and my taste isn't better or worse, just different.

But all my other friends loved it or at least said they loved it.

doitwithlove · 18/04/2022 06:56

These people sound TOXIC, do yourself a big favour .... bin these people. Leave them to there sad lives.

Greyhop · 18/04/2022 07:48

@Mellowyellow222

That will be jealousy - despite what you think! They will have been trying to affirm their life choices (rural boredom) over your great house in a cosmopolitan, exciting area. You’re free - I expect you have access to lots of exciting venues, and I would imagine they are tied and bogged down.

I’ve recently had the upstairs of my house renovated. I actually cancelled a party I had planned today because I knew one couple would be sneery, disapproving and I can’t be bothered with it. Another potential new friend came round a couple of weeks ago - she couldn’t bring herself to say anything nice, and just commented about how awful our downstairs curtains are - so she can f off too.

Not bothered if I have less friends - but I’d rather have a core of good decent friends, who would just be nice because they can see I’m happy - despite what their own opinions are. It’s just basic good behaviour and empathy.

CounsellorTroi · 18/04/2022 07:51

They’re jealous.

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 18/04/2022 08:19

Your friends sound like dicks OP.
We were in the same boat when we showed my SIL and BIL around our new home that we were so proud of and, with every room we walked into, they burst out laughing.
4 years later we've done loads of work to it and they aren't laughing now!

NorthSouthcatlady · 18/04/2022 08:26

They sound jealous, bitter and judgemental to me. Time to put some space between you and them l think

The dressing room this is an interesting one, l have one and people can be quite funny about it Hmm. Not my fault we can’t have children, even IVF doesn’t seem to work for us. It’s not going to be a nursery or a child’s room. Again l thinks it’s more jealousy. The problem is more stunted and insecure people think their choices are the “right” one in life. In reality everyone is different, with different tastes and choices

Thestagshead · 18/04/2022 09:01

I was thinking about this thread as I had similar a few years back. Although it was school mums and not friends as such.

I am not sure it’s jealousy I think it’s people pigeon hole you. And use it to make themselves feel superior, so when you break out of that little box they don’t like it and want to put you back in. They want to put you back in your place so they once again can feel superior.

Thestagshead · 18/04/2022 09:14

However I would add there is a little bit of jealousy being shown on this thread. Some comments basically insinuating the op deserved it as she was showing off. That’s an awful situation, where you’re jealous of a total stranger like that.

mrziggycoco · 18/04/2022 09:29

They are not your friends.

longwayoff · 18/04/2022 09:50

Good for you, congratulations on your new house. New area and time for new friends. Ditch them all.

angela99999 · 18/04/2022 17:52

Sounds like envy?!

Sistanotcista · 18/04/2022 18:14

You are not at all unreasonable to be upset. Genuine friends don’t laugh at you and mock your achievements - they lift you up when you are down, and are genuinely happy for your successes. But, their bitchiness doesn’t take anything away from your success. You did this on your own. Well done to you. Be proud of yourself - you have much to be proud of Flowers

NeverEndingFireworks · 18/04/2022 18:23

@Mellowyellow222 Many years ago someone said to me that "your best friend is the friend who brings out the best in you" - that really struck me. Since then, I only count as friends those people who enrich my life, who build me up, not knock me down. Quietly drop this group. You can meet them if you choose to, but take control and never invite them to anything again. Just concentrate on those friends who build you up, who support and encourage you.

Amytib · 18/04/2022 18:30

Wow YANBU, they sound like see you next Tuesdays! The cheek of them!

EstherGreenwood19 · 18/04/2022 18:36

Shower of twats.

theonlygirl · 18/04/2022 18:49

They're all jealous. Enjoy your home and make new friends.

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