Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends mean about my new house

350 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 18:38

I invited a group of women I went to school with to my new house for lunch and some afternoon drinks.

I have been reacting to invite them because I moved to a nearby city which is a thirty minute drive from our home town where they all live.

I am so proud of my new home - it has a lovely large garden and is very close to a beautiful park.

When I have been invited to see friends new homes I have been genuinely pleased for them and complimentary. I am really hurt today that all I got was negative comments.

A few friends who brought their husbands openly discussed how much I paid for the house and even went on the internet to show each other what you can but in our home town for that money. I heard one laughing and saying they saw her coming.

The comments were all negative, comparing it to our home town (which is lovely) and saying I was crazy. I do t think anyone said congratulations- there were some neat rap comments like the garden is much bigger than I thought but really it was just a bit mean spirited.

I am single and worked so hard to get this. I live it and sometimes have to pinch myself that it is actually mine. I used to walk along this street and fantasise about living here.

I know it’s just a house to them - and I know they all have lovely homes themselves. But why couldn’t they even fake it? They just kept telling me how great our home town is - and comments like oh I couldn’t live in an attached house. One even asked me if her car was safe in my driveway!!!!

So I guess my question is am I being unreasonable to expect my friends to pretend they like my new house!

OP posts:
MadameFantabulosa · 17/04/2022 21:16

My extended family were like this when I bought a flat. They were hugely sneery about “living in a tiny flat” and “no outside space.” When they finally came over for lunch, they changed their tune a bit. The flat is bigger than most of their houses - it’s a mansion flat, and has a really lovely entrance to the block with a beautiful staircase and carpets. We also have a pretty communal garden that no-one uses much, so we had drinks in the garden before lunch. My aunt said “We didn’t think it would be like this.” It was their assumptions that were all a bit skewed.

lightisnotwhite · 17/04/2022 21:16

If I met them now I definitely wouldn’t be friends with them .I So they

This group seem to take it as an insult that I chose not to move away from our home town. There are some lovely places there - but I found it quite snobby and judgemental. I prefer more anonymity in the city. I also work in the city - and I can walk to my office from my house which is lovely.

My money if only you being coming across as smug and show off to people you don’t even like. And they know it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/04/2022 21:17

Jealously.

But these aren’t friends OP. These are old acquaintances you need to dump.

ThomasinaGallico · 17/04/2022 21:18

Tell ‘em to piss off back to Porpoise Spit OP.

VioletVesper · 17/04/2022 21:18

Leave them behind OP, you aren’t gaining anything positive from having them in your life. As other posters have said, they saw you as the inferior one in the group and you losing weight, doing well in your career and buying a house solo has shattered that making them question themselves and the stupid pecking order they’ve had in their heads!
Focus on your lovely friends who were happy for you.

mellicauli · 17/04/2022 21:21

My guess is that with you buying a fabulous new house in the city, with your great job, they realise that a vacancy has been created at the bottom of the pecking order . And they are worried that it's their turn next.

As everyone else has said, time to move on.

Saz12 · 17/04/2022 21:24

You’ve changed what “category” they can put you in, so they have to find a way to put you back in the “not as good as me” box.

Ditch them.

RantyAunty · 17/04/2022 21:24

They sound very jealous.
You have a successful career and bought the house on your own.
If they looked down on you in the past, they can't anymore.
Something they couldn't do.

It sounds like you have lovely new friends.

Ohbedhowimissyou · 17/04/2022 21:27

I think you sound lovely and not boastful at all - it just sounds like they are unable to change the dynamic from being mean teenagers to adults who should not only know better but feel embarrassed by their previous behaviour.

They seem to want to keep you in a role which wasn't nice back then and certainly isn't now.
Are you ok to continue with that? If not I'd go for a very subtle grey rock, anything else and it's likely they'll just use it against you, don't let them.

Original poster
Mellowyellow222 · 17/04/2022 21:33

@lightisnotwhite

If I met them now I definitely wouldn’t be friends with them .I So they

This group seem to take it as an insult that I chose not to move away from our home town. There are some lovely places there - but I found it quite snobby and judgemental. I prefer more anonymity in the city. I also work in the city - and I can walk to my office from my house which is lovely.

My money if only you being coming across as smug and show off to people you don’t even like. And they know it.

I admit I don’t really like the person I become around them. I am still the poor teen trying to prove I am good enough. I do t think it’s smug - but I maybe do try and show them that I am ‘good enough’ now. Which I know is pathetic.

I’m not like that with any other friends - just with them. So yes they probably don’t like me and if I am honest o don’t really like them. But they are like cousins - our mums still meet up for coffee etc - we have so many shared memories and experiences it’s hard make the break.

But I think it’s time. I am honestly not normally an asshole.

OP posts:
Genevieva · 17/04/2022 21:36

You sound like a fabulous, successful, hardworking woman with lots of friends. This lot are not your friends. I think you are better off just hearing about their news from your Mum or in Christmas cards.

Hollywolly1 · 17/04/2022 21:37

Congratulations on your new home and of course you wanted to show your new house to friends?very jealous ones and Hayle its because you nade it on your own.I imagine anyone bitchy like that are just not happy themselves

LoisLane66 · 17/04/2022 21:38

Why would they lie? You either take their comments or you don't but don't let it upset you.
As long as you're happy in your new home their comments shouldn't matter, although it's nice to receive some positivity when you were nice enough to welcome them into your home.
Enjoy...and I hope you have many happy years ahead where you can make new local friends who appreciate the area as much as you do.

Sidisawetlettuce · 17/04/2022 21:39

Bin the bitches off. Life is too short.

MRex · 17/04/2022 21:43

But yes I should keep my yeah me moments to myself.
Not really, but to one or two genuinely close friends you can admit how proud you are of how far you've come.

This lot aren't mates. Lesson learned. You're ever so busy next time, so sorry, repeat. Well done on your lovely new home, it sounds fabulous!!

BeardyButton · 17/04/2022 21:43

They sound like a holes. Would be the end of a friendship for me.

lightisnotwhite · 17/04/2022 21:54

@Mellowyellow222

Glad you worked out what I was trying to say! I don’t think you’re an asshole but clearly there’s history.
If you don’t care what they think, then maybe don’t ask their opinion. It can’t come across well if you aren’t real friends.
Just become the house with the very best parties/dinner parties/drinks if you want to show off the house without showing off. And don’t invite them more than once.

Winterflower84 · 17/04/2022 21:57

You are being unreasonable to call them friends.

Big congratulations! Enjoy this new chapter of your life without them.

Thestagshead · 17/04/2022 21:57

Op. You know what? Congratulations. Congrats on your home and your career and being able to do this and your house sounds wonderful.

They are jealous. They wanted to put you down. Because of what you’ve achieved. Do you know what it means? It means you’ve done fantastically and your home is awesome.

Feel smug, and there is nothing wrong with being proud of your home and your achievements, and everything right with it. Don’t let anyone who is bitter in real life or on here tell you otherwise.

jade9390 · 17/04/2022 21:58

Sounds like they own homes with their husbands. They are jealous that you bought on your own and are not really your friends.

OhDearMuriel · 17/04/2022 22:00

There wouldn’t be any coming back from that for me.
They’re not friends; they’re a nasty bunch of jealous bitches.

Fuck them and don’t waste another thought on them.

Most of all well done and enjoy your beautiful home.

WakeMeUpWhenTheyHaveGone · 17/04/2022 22:04

They’re not friends as that is not friendly behaviour.
They’re definitely jealous.
Bin them off.
You’ve got other nice friends.
Bloody well done re. your hard graft over the years and saving.
Congratulations on your new home. It sounds fab.

I had to cut contact with a toxic person I grew up with, as our parents’ were friends.

Be careful who you share your good news with. Experiences such as this help you to realise who those people are.

Dindundundundeeer · 17/04/2022 22:04

It’s a high 5 from me.

I think you’ve shown them. Now let them go. They DEFINITELY felt you’d stepped out of your role. Good for you. They were jealous as hell.

Yellowhase · 17/04/2022 22:06

They aren’t friends. Find new ones in your new area.

SwishSwishBisch · 17/04/2022 22:06

You’ve all clearly outgrown each other I think OP. From what you’ve said about how they treated you when you were younger/less successful it’s entirely likely your change in circumstances feels threatening to some of them. If they’re a bunch of Queen Bees they won’t like you changing up the social hierarchy!
Perhaps time to let the friendships drift a bit and focus on your kinder friends!