Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m too fat to go outside

163 replies

Applecottage1234 · 17/04/2022 16:47

I’m 5ft 9 and a size 20- 18 if I’m lucky.
I’m top heavy due to PCOS. My arms are disgusting- it looks like a have a rubber band around them.
It’s sunny today and my husband insisted we went out for a walk along the sea front. Hundreds of people out looking fab and I felt hideous!!!! I kept my cardigan on and just waiting until the moment I was safe back in the car.

I told my husband how I felt he said ‘well do something about your weight’

I’m now home hid in my room with the blinds closed wishing I was dead.

I don’t know what I want from this but I needed a space to vent

OP posts:
Comedycook · 17/04/2022 16:49

Oh love...give yourself a break Flowers

Ok, you're overweight. So am I. It's not a crime. Be nice to yourself

JustWantToCry000 · 17/04/2022 16:49

I’m so sorry for how you’re feeling
I have times I feel the same
I know I need to lose weight so could you make it so that you do an hours walk every evening now the weather is better? Flowers

Beachmummy23 · 17/04/2022 16:49

I'm bigger than you and a few years made the decision not to hide in jeans long sleeves all summer. I swim in the sea, wear swim suits, dresses etc. No one made any comments and I now enjoy life. Its hard but you either need to lose weight or embrace life x

Adeleskirts · 17/04/2022 16:49

You’re not too fat to go outside, clearly. But if you don’t like your size and feel uncomfortable, I’m with your husband, can you do something about it, or is there a back story as to why you cannot?

NrlySp · 17/04/2022 16:50

Oh love. I’m so sorry. Fellow PCOS lady here.
That’s not a helpful way to speak to you.
I look at chocolate and put in weight.
You have every right to be outside enjoying the lovely weather.

bumblefeline · 17/04/2022 16:51

Don't be silly I am bigger than you and wear what I want. People don't have to look if they don't like it.

You should go to Blackpool for the day you will feel slim in comparison.

Your husband could be more supportive. Don't hide in your room.

Flowers
Cakemumma33 · 17/04/2022 16:52

I also have pcos and know how very hard it can be to lose well. It took me 3 years to lose 6st so I could be eligible for IVF. I've put 2st back on since. Your husband probably didn't mean it to come out that way. What he said sounded harsh but he's probably meant that you are the only person who can actually change this about yourself. You just remember that you ARE beautiful and you are loved. Nobody is too fat to go outside. Unless they need to physically cut front thier house to do so

Bagelsandbrie · 17/04/2022 16:52

Wow your dh sounds horrid. Hardly a kind thing to say!

I’m about the same size as you and to be honest it doesn’t occur to me to worry about my weight. I know I should lose some and I’d probably look better and feel better for it but I have a lot of health issues and family issues and can’t be bothered right now. I wonder why you’ve become so focused on your weight? You’re more than how much you weigh and I bet there were LOTS of people at the beach either the same size as you or larger that you just didn’t notice because you were too worried about looking at the slimmer ones….! I say this kindly but you have to get out there and live your life regardless otherwise you will end up feeling life has passed you by and regretting it.

Cstring · 17/04/2022 16:53

You are not too fat to be outside!
Have you wanted to do anything about your weight before today? If so why not use today as a catalyst to introduce some positive changes rather than beating yourself up?
I’ve lost 2 stone in 3 months, just calorie counting and making sure I do 30 mins activity every day. I’m also 5’9 and started off a size 22/24.

fallfallfall · 17/04/2022 16:53

no one is too fat to go outside.

GeneLovesJezebel · 17/04/2022 16:53

No one is looking at you. Just go outside and enjoy the day.

Original poster
Applecottage1234 · 17/04/2022 16:54

I’ve got PCOS and insulin resistance. It makes feel hunger literally out of control which doesn’t help when I want to emotionally eat.
I’ve had depression in the past after loosing my dad and having very bad PND.

I wish my husband had given me more encouragement.
I feel he’s embarrassed of me which makes me feel even worse about myself.
He will deny that he feels embarrassed but I feel like he is.

I hate the summer so much!!!

OP posts:
HerRoyalHappiness · 17/04/2022 16:54

I'm shorter than you and a size 20 too, which means I don't carry it as well as you do.

If you do want to lose weight (or anyone for that matter) we're all very supportive over here it started as those with 10+ stone to lose but there are others with less to lose so don't let the title put you off

If you don't want to lose weight then your husband needs a stern talking to upsetting you like that. I'd speak to him anyway as upsetting you isn't on no matter how fat you think you are (you never look as bad as you think you do)

Hankunamatata · 17/04/2022 16:55

I think it's how you feel about yourself. I'm an 18/20 and it's never stopped me going anywhere or doing anything. I love a bike ride.

SuziSecondLaw · 17/04/2022 16:56

Please don't hate me for saying this, but I don't believe this to be a size issue, it's a self esteem issue. I've felt exactly how you describe before, and I'm 5"8 and a size 8.. Ridiculous I know. But so is feeling like that as a size 20!
Absolutely do something about your weight, because being healthy is good. But more importantly do something about your self esteem. You are way, way more than just a body to be looked at and judged. You are a whole person, and you deserve to feel good about yourself.

Comedycook · 17/04/2022 16:56

If your husband was embarrassed by you he wouldn't have insisted you went out for a walk together.

As for his comment...my DH talks the same way about weight when I'm moaning. Well, lose weight if you're not happy he says. He doesn't get the emotional side and how difficult it is. He cannot fathom that I have a problem, there's a solution and I can't manage it.

TheHoleNineYards · 17/04/2022 16:56

Of course you’re not too fat to be outside, but I guess you have two choices.

  1. embrace your weight and invest in clothes that flatter your shape and make you feel good

  2. lose weight.

Not because you’re ‘too fat’ according to anyone else, because you don’t sound happy as you are.

CharlotteRose90 · 17/04/2022 16:56

I have pcos also so I know it’s hard: but I’m with your husband if it bothers you to the extent you don’t want to go outside then do something about it. Look into a daily walk and look into what you eat if you don’t already.

SuziSecondLaw · 17/04/2022 16:57

Oh also, your husband? That's bloody horrible. He should make you feel beautiful.

Hankunamatata · 17/04/2022 16:57

I should add Iv started blood sugar diet and I'm moving onto fast 800. I'm determined to drop a stone to feel better

Bagelsandbrie · 17/04/2022 16:57

@Applecottage1234

I’ve got PCOS and insulin resistance. It makes feel hunger literally out of control which doesn’t help when I want to emotionally eat. I’ve had depression in the past after loosing my dad and having very bad PND.

I wish my husband had given me more encouragement.
I feel he’s embarrassed of me which makes me feel even worse about myself.
He will deny that he feels embarrassed but I feel like he is.

I hate the summer so much!!!

If your dh was embarrassed of you he wouldn’t have insisted going on a walk with you along the busy seafront.

It sounds like a lot of this is depression related. I am an emotional eater too. And I’m on long term steroids for lupus so I’m always hungry too. It’s really hard!

Lastqueenofscotland · 17/04/2022 16:57

@TheHoleNineYards

Of course you’re not too fat to be outside, but I guess you have two choices.

  1. embrace your weight and invest in clothes that flatter your shape and make you feel good

  2. lose weight.

Not because you’re ‘too fat’ according to anyone else, because you don’t sound happy as you are.

Yes agree with this. No one is too far to go out side but if you feel like you do you need to make changes, be it to your weight, mindset or both
TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/04/2022 16:58

I'm certain they weren't staring in a negative way. I'm in a playground and I'd say a third of the women here are your size (mostly without the height to go with it) and they are having a great time in the sunshine without anyone thinking twice about what size they are.

(Except me, but only in the name of research)

HikingforScenery · 17/04/2022 17:01

@SuziSecondLaw

Oh also, your husband? That's bloody horrible. He should make you feel beautiful.
I think it’s quite a lot to ask of her husband. He’s not a miracle worker. He’s told OP he’s not embarrassed to be seen with her, asked OP out for a walk and he insists she’s embarrassed.
SpikeGilesSandwich · 17/04/2022 17:02

That's my DH's response too, "Well do something about it then." Hmm It maybe true but it's hardly supportive.

I know how you feel, I like being able to hide in lots of clothes and feel so embarrassed when it's hot and I need to wear less. Blush
I miss little floaty summer dresses, I can't believe I've let myself get this big.

Swipe left for the next trending thread