To think I’m too fat to go outside

[Applecottage1234]

I’m 5ft 9 and a size 20- 18 if I’m lucky.
I’m top heavy due to PCOS. My arms are disgusting- it looks like a have a rubber band around them.
It’s sunny today and my husband insisted we went out for a walk along the sea front. Hundreds of people out looking fab and I felt hideous!!!! I kept my cardigan on and just waiting until the moment I was safe back in the car.

I told my husband how I felt he said ‘well do something about your weight’

I’m now home hid in my room with the blinds closed wishing I was dead.

I don’t know what I want from this but I needed a space to vent

I feel he’s embarrassed of me which makes me feel even worse about myself.

He definitely isn't if he wants to stroll the promenade with you. It sounds like he just wants to be able to do stuff outside the house, which is not unreasonable.

Fitness journey is a long old slog and it shouldn't be about how you look but about how you'll feel.

You can do it if you set your mind to it.

Small achievable goals and knock them off one by one.

I am also shorter than you and a size 20 - and I went swimming today in a swimming suit. You are not the only size 18-20 in the world. It’s easy to buy these size clothes so there must be lots of us. Learn to love yourself.

But your husband is right, if you are unhappy you need to do something about it rather than hiding in your room letting life pass you by.

I don't think the husband was horrible. A lot of men have a mindset of, here's a problem, what's the solution. My dh is like this with whatever it is I'm unhappy or upset about. He won't sit there and be my therapist...he comes up with solutions. He is baffled that I don't necessarily want a solution, but just want to talk.

I’m sorry you feel this way, OP. I reckon the only people too fat to go outside might be those who can’t manage it even with a major adjustment- hoist or a team of people, etc

Go out and have a lovely day. Fuck anyone else's opinions.

At this rate we'll all be nuked in a decade. Enjoy yourself while you're alive and well 🍻

I am not disgusted by overweight people being out in public. I know there are horrible people out there but many won't be judging you at all xxxx I have a disability, I hope I'm acceptable to be out too! I find bullet headed thugs extremely offensive but they're out all the time like the own the place!

It sounds like you are struggling with low self esteem. There are thousands of people bigger than you who go out every day. If you want to lose weight, by all means do, but there is nothing wrong with how you are right now .

If you’re feeling really low please talk to your GP. Take care OP.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. You deserve to enjoy a walk on a lovely day just as much as anyone else does.

Please know that your weight does not say anything about you as a person, despite what society or anyone who adds to this thread might go on to imply. Plenty of cunts are thin: there's no correlation between weight and worthiness.

Try not to compare yourself to others. You don't need to fit an approved set of specifications to take up your place in the world. You're a human being, not a car radio. You deserve to live your life to exactly the same extent as anyone else, no matter your size.

@fallfallfall

no one is too fat to go outside.

This

Honey, this is a self esteem issue. It's completely understandable that it's through the floor.

Most regular people do not look at other people who are overweight (or any other affliction, like bad skin, or a really crooked nose) and even see them. I mean, we're all pretty invisible to others. But this isn't really about how other people see you, it's about how you see you.

Why not have a search online and read up on ways to boost your self esteem?

Yes, I'm sure losing weight would help you in a number of ways, but today, to right here, right now, you are who you are. Learn to like yourself again. The world is a much better place when you like yourself.

To be fair to the husband, it is incredibly hard to make someone feel better about something like this when they aren’t helping themselves. It will have a negative effect on him too if he can’t do something as simple as enjoy a walk with his wife because she can’t wait for it to be over.

I agree with a PP that this isn’t a weight issue, it’s a self esteem one. No one else cares what you look like OP, and if you’re a nice person which you probably are, then you’re beautiful.

I'm also a size 18/20 with PCOS and I have no problem with going outside. The problem isn't your weight, it's your mental health.

Of course you're not. You are your own worst critic! No-one else ever sees you the way you see yourself, which so often is unduly harsh!

Being overweight is hardly unusual, I'll bet there were people of all shapes and sizes out and about that you didn't even notice.

It sounds like you could do with some emotional help, which your husband is definitely not helping with by making such comments.

Nobody is too fat to go outside! Be kind to yourself.

Dealing with weight struggles is hard, especially with insulin resistance PCOS making it more difficult.

If you do want to lose weight this is what helped me regulate hormones and control my hunger ( I have PCOS too )

• Eat a high protein breakfast- eggs, low calorie sausages, Greek yoghurt, smoothies etc.
• Low impact exercise. Walking, Pilates, yoga are all much more gentle on my body and help me be consistent whilst raising my heart rate each day.
• fill up on vegetables. Eat lots of them.

And find a supportive husband!!

At this rate we'll all be nuked in a decade. Enjoy yourself while you're alive and well 🍻

Honestly, fair point!

No one will think anything of it - people exist in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Go out and enjoy yourself.

I stopped giving a fudge what people thought of me/my body shape about a year ago. I can pinpoint it to a holiday with good friends where I just suddenly thought to myself that I didn’t want to miss out on swimming in the sea because I was worried about my wobbly bits.

Best thing I ever did, my (at the time) 10 year old daughter saw her mum swimming and enjoying herself in the water and still talks about me & my friend being the first out of us all to run into the water every day.

I now swim through the year, trussed up like an idiot in swimsuit, swim gloves & socks and a bobble hat, looking ridiculous and not giving a singular f*ck about it. It’s been liberating.

I decided to stop caring what people I’d never see again thought of me and my body, and start living my life. We go away every year with 7 other families, camping in the Gower, and I used to avoid going in the water, but I did last year and the sky didn’t fall in, the earth still turned and my friends still wanted to chat/laugh/drink gin with me, so my wobbly arse and cellulite clearly don’t define our friendship.

Please don’t let your perception of what people may think of you steal your joy, you’ve only got one life, don’t hide away.

If you fit through the door then you are not too fat to go outside.

Lots of people are fat and nobody will look twice.

But if it’s bothering you (which it clearly is) then lose some of the weight. I’m sure that’s what your husband meant. There’s a lot of good advice on here. You can do it!

No!! No one is too fat to leave the house unless you’re actually bed ridden and can’t fit through the door! That’s not a size 20, which is only a 4 sizes away from a 12.

This makes me feel so sad reading this. I can relate though. I’m a 14/16 but suffer from Lipedema so I’ll never have the lovely slender legs which most people my size have. It’s been difficult to deal with all my life, but at 45 I now have no choice but to live with it.

I think when it suddenly feels like the sun is out and you need to keep cool it can be quite exposing and an anxious time, but please don’t be so hard on yourself.

Even a lovely shapely size 10 looks pale coming out of winter and once you’ve got a bit of colour on you then it transforms things. Obviously fake tan is a good option for this!

I feel for you. It's horrible to think people are looking at you and judging you. But if you sit with that thought for a bit - it doesnt really matter one jot if they are. They might think, "she's chubby" as you walk past. And then ten seconds later, "I like that girl's sunglasses.... I wonder if the coffee kiosk is open... I'm really hot can't believe it's such a sunny day."

Your weight, or any other aspect of your appearance, makes almost no impression on these complete strangers you are walking past. Your arms, I would pretty much guarantee, will not raise even a flicker of interest.

I read something a little while ago about fear in children. That the first time you do something scary it feels awful. The second time it still feels awful. But over time it gets a little bit less scary each time; and even if you have one or two bad experiences, they don't stand out much if you have a hundred fair or good experiences.

So I say: take a walk every day. Drag your DH out with you; go on your own. Go early sometimes and experiment wearing slightly more revealing clothes when there are fewer people around.

PS you're going to get more funny looks I'd you're dressed up in six layers of clothing on a hot day.

As for your DH -is that absolutely the sum total of everything he said? You poured your heart out and he said, literally only, "well do something about your weight"? If that is all he said in response, that's pretty cold but also, perhaps he doesn't know how to fix things (men like to fix things). He wants to enjoy being outside with you; he has to drag you out for a walk and you probably evidently uncomfortable.

And maybe he IS a bit embarrassed. Or maybe that's you transferring your feelings. Or a bit of both.

But all these feelings can be managed and controlled, you just need to practice and learn to be comfortable in your own skin.

I feel he’s embarrassed of me which makes me feel even worse about myself.

If he was embarrassed, why would he ask to go out for a walk with you?

Honestly - this is about you, not him. If you're not happy, then you need to either boost your self-esteem or lose the weigh - not because you're too fat, but because you're miserable and hiding away in your room is absolutely no way to live.

Sorry you are feeling so grim. At your size and height it really isn’t that difficult to look good.

I understand you want to loose weight and that would be a healthy choice, but part of succeeding in that is accepting yourself as a worth while person right now.

Do you think you have an emotional dependence on food, or is it just an increased appetite. Either way, go see the doc.

If you can afford to I'd try and find some clothes that fit really well and are comfortable? I know it won't intrinsically change things, but my friends confidence shot up when she got some new summer clothes.