To think I’m too fat to go outside

[Applecottage1234]

I’m 5ft 9 and a size 20- 18 if I’m lucky.
I’m top heavy due to PCOS. My arms are disgusting- it looks like a have a rubber band around them.
It’s sunny today and my husband insisted we went out for a walk along the sea front. Hundreds of people out looking fab and I felt hideous!!!! I kept my cardigan on and just waiting until the moment I was safe back in the car.

I told my husband how I felt he said ‘well do something about your weight’

I’m now home hid in my room with the blinds closed wishing I was dead.

I don’t know what I want from this but I needed a space to vent

I’m am much bigger & shorter than you. I used to feel the same, then I realised most people are that focused on their own hang ups they don’t notice you. I work with models and they regularly disparage their own appearance too.

You are beautiful 🤩 be proud of you

I struggled with my weight, so decided to embrace it. I've since last two stone, forced myself to eat healthily and I don't know how or why but it's like I've flicked a switch and my relationship with food has changed.
Short term maxi dresses, or trousers/long top and a kaftan/kimono will keep you cool and still look summery. I shopped on Shein for different kaftans.

You've got to find motivation to lose weight. But I agree that no-one is paying you that much attention. Your size isn't in the minority.

Size 18-20 at 5'7" may be well over the BMI but it's not an unusual size. It certainly shouldn't stop you leaving the house. That mindset is way more damaging than the extra weight.

It is very hard to lose weight if you have PCOS. That doesn't mean you should spend your life in perpetual shame. Find some clothes you love that suit your body shape, make sure your hair and nails and brows are all looking good and go out. You may not be able to lose a lot of weight but that doesn't stop you from getting fit. Take up weight training, bootcamps, HIIT, yoga flow, hiking, swimming, cycling etc. Get active and strong and toned.

You could reduce refined carbs to ease the constant hunger.

And take a look at some women who haven't let their size stand in their way, like Lizzo or Jessamyn Srtanley both of whom are way bigger than you but exude energy and joy in themselves.

@speakout

Fewer people will judge you than you think. Many have been in your situation or love someone who is carrying weight. Please be proud of who you are. X

This

@Applecottage1234 - if I really didn't like my arms, I'd wear a vest top or t shirt in the summer with a thin cotton shirt over the top with the sleeves rolled up a bit. So it disguised my arms.

I've recently realised how much better and pulled together I look and feel in a jacket - or a shirt worn as a jacket.

Might be worth trying?

If you go for a walk along Brighton prom, you will feel "not good enough" unless you truly are one of the Body Beautiful - try Skegness or Burgess Hill swimming pool, and you will suddenly see a much bigger range of shapes and sizes....

And tbh your DH encouraged you to go for a walk (good idea) with him in a public place. He is not ashamed of you. And men do tend towards the practical rather than emotional advice...

@Applecottage1234 - my Mum’s advice:

If you are worried about what other people think about you, you'd probably be surprised about how little they do (think about you!)

Most people are just getting on with their own thing, involved in their own world and barely notice other people walking by...

I don't think there was anything wrong with your husband's comment. He saw you felt awful about your size so said you can both do something about it. Men are problem solvers. If he sees your size is a problem to you then he wants to work on it. If he was embarrassed by you he'd hardly insist on you going out together.
Size 18-20 is really common these days. Don't feel awful about yourself and hide away. If it makes you feel better make small changes.

Just came back on here as you reminded me of an incident. Last year I taught myself how to run. Last September I did my first 10k race. I was pretty proud of myself. That was until I saw the race photos of me. I looked way worse than I thought I did. It actually stopped me from running for 6 months! I have just gone out running today in bright shiny lycra. Partly inspired by your post. We should never hide away based on looks. Most people I jogged passed smiled or barely noticed. Only one woman looked me up and down (and I thought to myself she's not the one jogging) and only one person shouted at me (but that's cos I cut across a small piece of their land 😂😁)

Can I just say thank you to all the words of encouragement. I’ve felt so much better today. I’ve ordered myself some floaty dresses from Yours and I’ve booked to get my hair and nails done to make myself feel a bit better.

I was obviously super emotional yesterday but I appreciate everyone’s responses.

I followed a few body positive IG accounts - which have made me feel so much better

I will loose weight - I’m just not in the right headspace at the moment.

Applecottage1234 so glad to read your post.
Take your time and do what is right for you.
You are valuable and worthy no matter your weight.
I am sure your dresses will look beautiful.
Hold your head high!

sending you nothing but a huge hug Op xx

Hi; I’m a size 18 and very short. It doesn’t stop me going out. And I don’t think anyone would stop and stare at me for being this size. Please. Be kind to yourself

If nothing else OP see your GP