To think I’m too fat to go outside

[Applecottage1234]

I’m 5ft 9 and a size 20- 18 if I’m lucky.
I’m top heavy due to PCOS. My arms are disgusting- it looks like a have a rubber band around them.
It’s sunny today and my husband insisted we went out for a walk along the sea front. Hundreds of people out looking fab and I felt hideous!!!! I kept my cardigan on and just waiting until the moment I was safe back in the car.

I told my husband how I felt he said ‘well do something about your weight’

I’m now home hid in my room with the blinds closed wishing I was dead.

I don’t know what I want from this but I needed a space to vent

He will deny that he feels embarrassed but I feel like he is

But that’s you feeling like he’s embarrassed. He says he isn’t.

Take a look at this larger lady on TikTok, I can’t find the specific post where she says she wasted too much time feeling like she was too fat for her body builder husband, and she never believed him when he said he loved her as she was. The guy adores her.
vm.tiktok.com/ZMLq8JD7u/

I have Pcos and suffer with insulin resistance, simply put if we are insulin resistant our body is in fat storing mode. I’ve lost weight successfully with intermittent fasting (have a google to find some studies with pcos and the benefits of intermittent fasting). Please don’t be hard on yourself, you deserve to be able to go out and enjoy your life, most people are going about their day to day life and not even noticing others. Try to look at your body more kindly and don’t let your mind bully your body.

I sympathise OP

It's hard, but I made the decision last year to stop feeling so self-conscious and to go out and enjoy myself and wear clothes that make me feel physically comfortable rather than trying to cover my arms/legs out of embarrassment of being overweight and worrying about what others thought of me. It's made such a huge difference - I no longer care what people think about me and I've realised nobody cares anyway!!

Whatever size or shape you are you need to live your life!
Don't let life pass you by.

I just did a quick google and that tells me that 64% of UK adults are overweight and 28% obese - so you are in good company! Should all these people hide at home?!

Live your life it's the only one you've got.

Oh OP you have my sympathy, I had a similar crisis of confidence today, I got changed 3 times before leaving the house. I have the opposite problem, I have an ED and am several stones underweight. I look shit in summer clothes, particularly anything that shows my legs. I know I need to gain weight, I know I look crap, I love food, but the thought of gaining weight terrifies me so I don’t. I always worry that people are looking at me and quite often they are. But I have to keep telling myself ‘so what if they are?’ Their opinion doesn’t matter.

I find distraction best. By throwing myself into something my head has less time to worry. If I’m on my own I listen to a podcast. Also, repeat exposure. Keep on going out wearing whatever and over time it gets easier.
If it helps wear an accessory you love, or is a bit out there. Give them something else to look at!

I'm bigger then you op and it doesn't stop me going out except when it's really hot as I quickly overheat. There are so many obese people around, they are no all slim and looking great.

Just to add I am overweight!
I enjoy getting out and about with my family but definitely guilty of hiding in black t-shirts so I do need to take my own advice!

You have to decide on a plan to lose weight,, your Husband is telling you the same. It doesn't matter about any encouragement from other people, it' has to be a personal goal for you to achieve, one that might take some time, but has to be done, for your health mainly, and for you to look better.

This is a self esteem issue. I’m 5ft 10 and a 12/14 and have just scuttled in from outdoors and drawn the curtains. Been like this my whole life

I was in a changing room recently and a woman asked the sales assistant if she could get her the top she was trying on in a size 20 or 22. I was really surprised by how she didn't even look big to me.

Sreriously.... I dont know where you live but 100;s of woman are this size and bigger, me included. I'm 5ft and a size 22, I will show my arms and my legs be proud. Would you honestly stare at me and judge me if you saw me having a nice day with my family, just because I am little and fat?

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I also have PCOS and it is an absolute nightmare to lose weight.

Fewer people will judge you than you think.
Many have been in your situation or love someone who is carrying weight.
Please be proud of who you are. X

Would you honestly stare at me and judge me if you saw me having a nice day with my family, just because I am little and fat?

No- I would see a happy family having a fun day out.

Get outside op, loads of us are big.

It's ok out there. Some people are rude fucks but they'll be mean to thin people, short people, tall people, there's racists and other fucks about.

Nobody is safe from mockery - even skinny it girls get ripped apart by the scummy tabloids, we're not that conspicuous.

Fuck everyone else and enjoy life as much as possible.

#teambiglasses

@Applecottage1234

I’ve got PCOS and insulin resistance. It makes feel hunger literally out of control which doesn’t help when I want to emotionally eat. I’ve had depression in the past after loosing my dad and having very bad PND.

I wish my husband had given me more encouragement.
I feel he’s embarrassed of me which makes me feel even worse about myself.
He will deny that he feels embarrassed but I feel like he is.

I hate the summer so much!!!

I mean this gently, but it’s not his fault. It’s not his problem to solve. And if he was embarrassed of you he’d hardly be asking you to go out for a walk like this. This is something you need to get control of, Inc your feelings about your size, trying to make it his fault, that he’s the bad guy, and he’s to blame doesn’t solve any of your problems.

Bless you. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own worlds to critique how you look. 18-20 isn't unusual. I thought you were going to say you were 40 stone or so! Worrying about how you look isn't size dependent. I am 8-10 and hate summer clothes....I have scars, varicose veins and wonky boobs and yes I’ve hidden too at times. It boils down to realising that we are our own worst enemies. Fuck that critical voice! Get out there x

I grew a fat cloak years back to hide from myself and the world after my ex rearranged my face.

Do I regret it? Aye. The cloak and the hiding. Am I trying to work on it? Aye. With both. But I go out and most folk pay me no mind. Honestly.

I cover up with wafty tops - it doesn’t change the fact that I’m bigger than I should be but it does cover my arms. And a decent bra helps carry a gargantuan chest. I don’t find minimising ones comfy but they suit others.

Don’t limit yourself to being inside please. And don’t compare yourself to others. Because no matter how perfect you think they are, they may hold the same worries you do. We are all beautifully imperfectly perfect.

If you can, haul your inner goddess up to the light, hold your head up high and buff up your self esteem. And grab some sunshine.

I know it seems hard but it can be done. 🌻

I think people are being harsh on your husband.
Have you mentioned to him before that you are unhappy with your weight? If so, then it can get quite annoying when someone continually complains about their size but does nothing about it.
If you genuinely want to lose weight then you should set yourself a goal. Don’t try and do it all at once, it needs to be attainable. Such as - I will drink 2L of water every day this week. Then stick with it. Then move on to I will go for a walk for an hour 3x per week etc etc. if you try and do everything at once you will fail as it’s just too much.
Good luck - most importantly be kind to yourself.

@Applecottage1234 pcos sufferer with insulin resistance here too. I am 5ft4 and a 20-22 in clothing. Also boob and belly heavy.

Honestly my lovely I guarantee you don't look as bad as you think you do.

Key tips...don't go for tight fitting clothes, avoid skinny jeans etc. I find next tall range to be much kinder to my figure where tops are concern3d as they don't rise up over my boobs.

You hubby is an insensitive twat.

There are ways to manage your weight and the insulin. Have you talked to your gp about metformin? I lost a shit ton of weight on it about 10 years ago. I need to get put back on it as mine is flaring a lot since lock down.

Sending hugs

OP I feel like this too. Size 18-20. I’m having a gastric sleeve next month. I was always slim until I had a couple of bereavements in he last ten years. Having said that, even when I was slim, I was hard on myself. I know it is low self esteem and nothing to do with weight or looks. I bet your husband loves you so much. Focus on that.

Oh OP this is really about how you feel about your size, not your husband. There are plenty of people the same size and bigger than you who are out and about enjoying being out in public places. I was talking to a woman today at the heritage site I volunteer at. She was tall and of larger build but I thought to myself how fabulous she looked. Lovely bold design summer dress, strappy sparkly wedge shoes and and lovely big sun hat and bardot shades, all topped off with cherry red lipstick. The key is confidence. I know that's easy to say, but you need to address your low self esteem. Honestly nobody is looking at you and judging you, so please don't hide away.

You hubby is an insensitive twat.

Sadly you ruined it there, because you’ve no idea how much this man has listened to this, or dealt with it or even his own size. Hurling abuse at her husband doesn’t help the op.

@Applecottage1234

I’m 5ft 9 and a size 20- 18 if I’m lucky. I’m top heavy due to PCOS. My arms are disgusting- it looks like a have a rubber band around them. It’s sunny today and my husband insisted we went out for a walk along the sea front. Hundreds of people out looking fab and I felt hideous!!!! I kept my cardigan on and just waiting until the moment I was safe back in the car.

I told my husband how I felt he said ‘well do something about your weight’

I’m now home hid in my room with the blinds closed wishing I was dead.

I don’t know what I want from this but I needed a space to vent

You are 5 feet 9 so that's a great start:

-Don't hide, get some weights (mine are in my kitchen in the corner - I am not interested in going to gyms)

-Go on myfitnesspal (free) and get your eating and calories right and meet people like you (but you don't have to interact at all if you don't want to). I love that site.

I was size 22, 5 feet 7 and 210lb. I lost 70lb and transformed myself in 10 months. No expense at all, just a bit of putting yourself first sometimes. I am convinced that with a lot of women who carry a lot of weight, it is actually about self-neglect at the expense of others in their lives. It's not about self-indulgence but about self neglect.

You can do it - when you feel ready, you will.

I’m sorry you feel like this. I am smaller than you and heavier than you but don’t have Pcos. But some years ago there was a thread on here about clothes to makes us look good and I started by getting some clothes from Lagenlook which made me feel I could look good and feel comfortable even if I wasn’t slim. It made me feel much better about myself and I was able to rebuild my confidence. Good luck with losing weight - but don’t wait until you have to start enjoying things again