To think I’m too fat to go outside

[Applecottage1234]

I’m 5ft 9 and a size 20- 18 if I’m lucky.
I’m top heavy due to PCOS. My arms are disgusting- it looks like a have a rubber band around them.
It’s sunny today and my husband insisted we went out for a walk along the sea front. Hundreds of people out looking fab and I felt hideous!!!! I kept my cardigan on and just waiting until the moment I was safe back in the car.

I told my husband how I felt he said ‘well do something about your weight’

I’m now home hid in my room with the blinds closed wishing I was dead.

I don’t know what I want from this but I needed a space to vent

Hi there. I’m so sorry that you feel so sad about your weight. I am also 5 ft 9 and size 18. For a long time I was size 20 but just losing maybe 10lbs has made all the difference and I can now get into some nice clothes and not feel uncomfortable. Before I felt so sad that I didn’t think I was worth investing in But recently I have bought some lovely summer dresses from M and S with long sleeves. They are very light and comfortable and many people have complimented me on them. I think the key is starting to realise that you must value yourself and you deserve to feel nice. So why not just aim to lose something manageable like 7lbs and buy something that you feel attractive in. Also remember that being 5ft 9 you can get away with lovely long styles

I’m sorry, that sounds tough.
Your husband wasn’t kind but it’s possible he’s frustrated as your self esteem is affecting family life. Like you said he ‘insisted’ you went out, which implies you were reluctant to. I totally get it and what he said was probably more aimed at you being the person in the driving seat.
I’d start with a visit to the GP and talk about how you are feeling alongside your weight

You're 5 foot 9 which is quite tall. I'm that size and an 18 to 20 and I never hide myself away! Be comfy in your own skin. You are quite tall and so km sure you don't look as fat as you think. Confidence goes a long way!

Would you expect someone else to stay in and not do what they wanted because of their size? I’m assuming not.
Show yourself the kindness and respect you would show to them. The more you go out the more confident you will feel.

So many people are self conscious.

Because of your view of yourself you probably think everyone is slimmer and happier than you but it’s shocking how many people struggle to leave their homes beyond the stupid voice inside their head.

My friend is a size 6-8 and beautiful. But she’s in tears all of the time because she’s not ‘womanly’ enough.

Honestly life is too short to care what people think.

Make sure you buy clothes that make you feel good.
You can wear a maxi dress with long arms do you feel summery without feeling as self conscious.

Also make sure you do your hair, put a bit of make up and earrings on - all these small things will give you so much more confidence.

Please don’t put any blame on your husband.

It’s difficult to say anything right in that situation and if you’re upset about your weight saying he’ll help you lose it is a nice thing.
If he told you you didn’t need to lose any you may be upset that he’s not taking you seriously enough.

It’s Monday tomorrow. Wipe the slate clean and start having a healthier lifestyle.
Do not silly diet just track everything you eat so you know are more aware and go for a walk every day.

This time next year go to the exact same place and be proud of how far you’ve come.

He sounds matter of fact like my dh.If I moan about my weight I'm drawing attention to it and it's my responsibility to sort it out,as it is yours.He didn't mention it off his own back did he?

I don't think you're too fat to go outside. I think you should go out every day. You never know, the world might need you out there!

I'm in the same boat OP. I want to start running (I used to run for years) but feel embarrassed to as I'm a size 18/20 just now. I'm also dreading summer as I feel much more comfortable covered up in my coat just now. I also have PCOS so know that makes it harder to lose weight.

There are lots of other overweight people around so you really don't need to limit how much you go out AND actually the vast majority of people won't even look at you or think about what you're wearing/how you look.

When you go out you could try a 'Grounding technique' of pointing out things that you can see around and talking about them rather than focusing inwards on how you look. I know it's difficult but it does help.

In terms of weight loss, what have you tried recently? I've tried Slimming World, Weight Watchers but I'm finally managing to lose a bit just with Calorie counting and making sure that I don't have high calorie snacks in the house.

I'm 5ft 7 and a size 18. Jan 21 I started a walking challenge. Built up to five miles a day. I wore baggy tracksuit bottoms and fleeces. By summer I'd switched to baggy 3/4 joggers and a light weight fleece. By Sept I was in 3/4 lycra leggings and a baggy t shirt.
I'm still a size 18 now- but a stone and a half lighter. I huff and puff while I walk with a beetroot face. And I've reached the point where I don't really care what people think. I enjoy walking and people staring is not going to stop me.
It's self esteem. You need to learn to be comfortable in your skin and know you look OK.
I strut. Remember, I'm a size 18 strutter!🤣

How is OP’s husband ‘horrible’ for suggesting she does something about the thing that’s making her unhappy?

I wasn’t happy with my weight so I started going to the gym and eating properly. It’s basic science that if you move more and eat less, you will lose weight, medical condition or no medical condition. I wouldn’t have expected my DP to just say ‘oh poor you’ every time I whined about it whilst doing precisely nothing about it.

You say you would have hoped your DP would be more encouraging but what exactly do you mean? Do you want him to encourage you to do something about your weight or do you want him to encourage you to just go out as you are, because it actually sounds like he is doing both.

Do you want to lose weight @Applecottage1234 ? I am in a similar position and have started a thread in weightloss and if you fancy some support then please do come along.
The sun coming out reminds me of how shit I feel and I really want to change that.

Of course you're not too big to go outside.

Are you seeing anyone for depression?
Seeing your GP and then a counselor would probably be a good thing.

They can help you tackle your feelings and emotional eating.

@Adeleskirts

You hubby is an insensitive twat.

Sadly you ruined it there, because you’ve no idea how much this man has listened to this, or dealt with it or even his own size. Hurling abuse at her husband doesn’t help the op.

And you are making the assumption that he has been moaned at constantly. You have no proof to support that.

My point stands. Even if he has heard it a thousand towns, making her feel worse by being insensitive still makes him a twat.

May I suggest that anyone worried about running while overweight follows Bryony Gordon on insta. She's amazing.

instagram.com/bryonygordon?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Popsies are great for this, summery and easy to throw on with footless tights you'll be comfy and well covered up but still looking summer appropriate. I'm a 22 and I've regained loads of confidence since discovering them.

I don't think your husband did anything wrong, it's one of those situations where nothing he could have said would have been right really.

Please don’t give yourself a hard time (easier said sometimes, I know) - you are not your weight! And men tend to give practical advice, that’s usually them trying to be helpful .
Sorry to hear about you losing your dad x
You’re grieving, please try to be kind to yourself x

You husband wanted to go for a nice walk along the seafront with you and then you complained about how you look. I can understand how that must be really frustrating for him.

I felt like this I've yo yoed up and down I had weight loss surgery. I'm now living life again and i no longer feel like the fattest person !

Are you often reluctant to go outside? Does your h often have to persuade you to go out? If so, Maybe he's frustrated with that?

I don't think he was unkind; you are the only person who can do anything about your weight, so it is up to you.

But please don't feel like you should stay in - you have just as much right to be outside as anyone!! Put on some make up, wear a favourite top, take more exercise, eat healthily so you feel better about yourself. Don't waste the summer wishing you were thinner. Nobody else will bet paying you any attention; they're all too busy worrying about your own life. Honest.

And you are making the assumption that he has been moaned at constantly. You have no proof to support that.My point stands. Even if he has heard it a thousand towns, making her feel worse by being insensitive still makes him a twat.

How does “you have no idea” translate into he’s been moaned at constantly? I understand some people struggle with the English language and it’s not the first language of many posters, but honestly, “you have no idea “ means literally that. It doesn’t mean “he’s been moaned at constantly”. Is there other adults in the house with you who can explain it?

Follow fashion influencers on insta that are the same size as you. I love Poppy Adams and Louise McSharry they look incredible are wear great clothes.
Read up on intuitive eating and try to heal your relationship with your body.

Diets don't work. 90% of people on a diet will regain the weight they lost and 85% of them will regain that weight plus an extra stone.

You are not too day to go outside. You feel self conscious about your weight and that’s skewing your perception of things. You do have choices. You can continue the way you are and allow your weight to control you or you can do something about it. You can do it but you need to make a conscious decision to put yourself first.

Your husband sounds harsh and has approached this is the wrong way. However, he is right about one thing. You absolutely can make a change for the better.

@ I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I recommend you read the following books by Alisa Vitii:

Woman Code and In the Flow.

blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/9780062130792?gC=5a105e8b&gclid=CjwKCAjw9e6SBhB2EiwA5myr9kG_rhOLYI28cYjMr4I_yAvFtIVmbPJKNTI5Fni_JCdVxxwMLe0o2RoCfc8QAvD_BwE

In the Flo: Unlock Your Hormonal Advantage and Revolutionize Your Life www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0062870491/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_JYW5J2FFP0F4V19F8E3P?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

She herself suffered from PCOS.