Friend not giving me a lift ...

[crunchiebut]

Last week it was my friends birthday and I organised a night away.
I paid for everything coach /hotel etc as it was her birthday.
The coach was a early 6 am coach.
I live 5 min (if that ) drive from coach station and a 15 min walk away.
I had to leave the house at 5.30 am to walk there and grab a coffee from greggs.
She got a lift from her husband.

That morning I woke up and it was chucking it down and cold.
I tried to get a taxi but no luck.
I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

Aibu to think she could of easily picked me up?
Literally 3-4 mins from town so would only have added less than 10 mins altogether.
I arrived soaked

Sounds shitty but at that time in the morning maybe she was still half asleep 😴

Unless she is regularly thoughtless I would forgive and forget, friendships worth keeping can forgive minor things like these.

Happy Easter

@shiningstar2

I think I understand where you are coming from op. Most of us would offer s lift to even a slight acquaintance if we knew we would be travelling together. If we care about someone enough to go to a lot of trouble and expense for their birthday we like to think they care enough about us to be considerate towards us without prompting and it hurts if you discover differently. 💐

This

The way you’ve written it makes your friend look unreasonable BUT I wouldn’t have had a spare 10 minutes at 5:30 when getting the coach at 6. So collecting you would’ve meant us both missing the coach.
But, I possibly would’ve organised in advance to collect you unless my DH was grumbling about getting up at 5:45 or something and you’d not mentioned needing a lift.

It was first thing in the morning so she probably just didn't think. Bizarre you didn't feel able to just ask a close friend.

She doesn’t sound much of a friend tbh. I do agree it’s annoying when people hint things like you did - just ask outright. But I think my friends and I would always offer in those circumstances.

I would have offered to pick you up, but I also think that if you wanted a lift, you should have said "can you grab me on your way, as I dont want to walk in this weather"
If shes a good enough friend that youd pay out all that for, then surely you can actually be upfront. Dropping hints doesnt always work. People arent mindreaders and now you feel bad, and have got wet and are annoyed at her, when actually you dont know if she was being uncaring, or just a bit dense.
I think in most cases, unless you have reason to think otherwise, you should never put down to malice, things that could be better explained by stupidity

If I'd been the friend, I'd definitely have offered. I'd have found it hard to ask, I always hate asking for lifts.

Im so confused- are you on the wrong thread @Marmite17 ?

I guess the thing is, none of us here know how to judge the situation properly OP.

Was a lift discussed in advance and refused?
How far does your friend live from town?
At what time exactly did you contact her and did she see the message immediately?
Was she (and her DH) ready to leave when you texted...she said 'soon', but that's quite vague.
Did she just not understand what you were hinting at as the hour was so early and she wasn't yet fully awake?

It's very hard to know if she was being unreasonable or if you were. Better to plan lifts well in advance in future I think. I hope the incident didn't ruin your trip.

@Marmite17 are you the OP?

I ended a friendship because of a similar situation.

I had a friend I had done a lot for whom, knowing I didn't have a car because it was in repairs and my son was sick, didn't bother to offer a lift when she knew I was picking him up from school and she was literally going to drive pass the school 5 minutes later.

Good friends care about you. If it doesn't bother her you get soaked when could easily pick you up, she is NOT a good friend.

You should have asked. She may have other things on her mind and just didn’t think to ask you.

Yes it would have been nice to be offered. But you can’t be cross with your friend about this.

@Toothsil

If I'd been the friend, I'd definitely have offered. I'd have found it hard to ask, I always hate asking for lifts.

the downside of never being able to ask for things upfront, even when theyre perfectly reasonable, is you can miss out on things you need. I really struggle with hints. Often I dont get the hint, or I second guess myself that there is a hint when there isnt. It can be so stressful. Im autistic, and we arent exactly rare, but direct communication is the way forward. Just say it! Use your words

You didn't have to "grab a coffee from Greggs"!

Maybe she was half asleep and not thinking straight.

I really struggle with hints. Often I dont get the hint, or I second guess myself that there is a hint when there isnt.

I'm exactly like this. I'm neither thick nor selfish as suggested by previous posts, I just don't "get" hints.

I hate when people refuse to ask.

Psychologically, there's a difference between someone spontaneously/generously offering, and someone agreeing when asked. I suspect people are subconsciously well aware of it and don't like asking because they want to avoid the sense of owing a favour in return.

Sorry but I don't think you've said anywhere how much it would add to friends journey to pick you up ?

I generally give people lifts, but if it's super early in the morning I prioritise my own sleep.

If it added to her journey she probably assumed you were getting a taxi. Also she maybe didn't want her DH to have to get up even earlier than he was already doing.

If getting a lift from her was an important thing to you, you could have asked if you could stay the night before or indeed asked for the lift.

@crunchiebut

I didn't want to come out and ask for a lift. It was pretty obvious I wanted a lift as there was no taxis and I said the weathers awful I will get soaked.

Oh dear god just communicate