Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift ...

279 replies

crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 09:57

Last week it was my friends birthday and I organised a night away.
I paid for everything coach /hotel etc as it was her birthday.
The coach was a early 6 am coach.
I live 5 min (if that ) drive from coach station and a 15 min walk away.
I had to leave the house at 5.30 am to walk there and grab a coffee from greggs.
She got a lift from her husband.

That morning I woke up and it was chucking it down and cold.
I tried to get a taxi but no luck.
I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

Aibu to think she could of easily picked me up?
Literally 3-4 mins from town so would only have added less than 10 mins altogether.
I arrived soaked

OP posts:
Americano75 · 17/04/2022 14:02

If you were my friend you wouldn't even have to ask. She sounds delightful.

ilovesooty · 17/04/2022 14:08

You should have called her and asked, not texted her expecting her to pick up on hints.

Money4icecream · 17/04/2022 14:10

If I am going somewhere at that time then I've planned it out the night before exactly what time I need get up to make it out on time. I wouldn't have ten minutes to spare at the last minute. She could have offered before though to save you the walk.

ValerieCupcake · 17/04/2022 14:16

@MJ123

Sorry, your friend isn't bound go offer you a lift because you pay for other things. It'd be nice for her to offer but it feels very entitled to expect it
I think it is the friend who is acting entitled.
AryaStarkWolf · 17/04/2022 14:23

Actually I said you weren't BU originally but actually others are right about her not having enough time if you only contacted her at 5:30am, if you're leaving that early she probably didn't leave herself an extra 10 minutes to be able to collect you

Longsight2019 · 17/04/2022 14:25

She should have offered. Why would she leave you to get soaked.

Not very considerate.

Hollywolly1 · 17/04/2022 14:27

Maybe you should have missed the 6am coachWink,she should have offered and you could have asked znd if she said no just go back to bed

kateandme · 17/04/2022 14:31

Playing for her team a little tiny bit but only because of the time.this early in the morning half my family( bed people so do not expect anything coherent til gone 9!)could her mind literally not have been working and joined the dots.i could have a conversation with my mum at this time and she'd have no idea later.

clpsmum · 17/04/2022 14:33

You should've just asked

dumdumduuuummmmm · 17/04/2022 14:41

@fortifiedwithtea

This kind of thing was covered in a module my Dd studied last year. She is doing a language and linguistic degree, think it was about the only thing I’ve understood about her studies.

Its like when you say “ have you a pen?” You are not really asking do you possess a pen. Its either another way of saying can I borrow a pen or there is a form you need to complete, have you a pen? = complete the form now.

I think most people would understand you were asking for a lift. She chose to ignore it. Is she always so insensitive?

Unless friend is very literal. Many people don't operate in the realm of suggestion and nuance. Anyone on the spectrum for example. Which is very common
Dishwashersaurous · 17/04/2022 14:46

You didn't ask.

You are friends, going away together.

Just ask

GrandRapids · 17/04/2022 14:50

Omg for those saying 'use your words' the OP isn't 3 yrs old Hmm

Her response should have been 'we'll pick you up' not 'oh no you're going to get soaked' - what an awful fucking response! She's a self centred arse

returntoUK · 17/04/2022 14:51

I bet the friend is used to OP doing all the offering and giving, hence she didn’t even think to offer OP a lift.

SpilltheTea · 17/04/2022 14:52

She's a shit friend

ilovebrie8 · 17/04/2022 14:56

She ain’t no friend!

stripeyflowers · 17/04/2022 15:04

I get the think about 'just ask' but some people just aren't good at that. If she's a friend she would realise you may be like that and offer. I would have automatically offered you a lift in her position. The fact that she specifically stated you were going to get soaked yet didn't offer doesn't put her in a good light as a friend.

HyacynthBucket · 17/04/2022 15:04

Haven't read the whole thread OP, but I think you need to be more clear in your communications. Why did you not just ask her if she could give you a lift in view of the rain and no taxi. Just stating what you did and hoping she would offer is quite manipulative imo. Just say what you want. It works better and is more honest.

stripeyflowers · 17/04/2022 15:05

*the thing

Kennykenkencat · 17/04/2022 15:12

[quote mrziggycoco]@Kennykenkencat Nah! She said 'oh, you're going to get soaked'

She knew she was going to get soaked. Knew she was leaving soon, in a car, and that picking her up in that car would prevent the soaking.

She had plenty of time to come around whilst driving, oh, let's pick her up![/quote]
Even so for me it wouldn’t have even processed as wanting a lift.

That takes thought and time and my brain in that millisecond has moved on to other things.
If someone says they are walking even in the rain my brain just doesn’t process that information and realise the person is wanting a lift.
My brain hears they are going to be walking and going to get soaked. That’s what they have decided to do.

If they wanted a lift then they would ask for one
I really don’t do hints

WeAllHaveWings · 17/04/2022 15:13

@crunchiebut

I drive but I wasn't going to drive to the coach station waste money parking for two days (over £30 ) Also my partner drives but he was on night shift so not even home by 5.30 am
If you wanted a lift you should have asked directly. Maybe because you have a car and partner, she and her dh were half asleep getting themselves organised too, she just didnt think or thought if you really needed a lift would ask.
BettyNotVeronica · 17/04/2022 15:16

I would have offered in a heartbeat but you could have asked.

drawacircleroundit · 17/04/2022 15:17

Why didn't you ask her for a lift?
Or check the weather the night before and book a taxi?
Like a grown-up?

Shinyandnew1 · 17/04/2022 15:20

I think it’s pretty rude to text someone at five o’clock in the morning hinting they should have given you a lift when you had plenty of other options-all of which could have been organised in advance.

Kennykenkencat · 17/04/2022 15:21

Its like when you say “ have you a pen?” You are not really asking do you possess a pen. Its either another way of saying can I borrow a pen or there is a form you need to complete, have you a pen? = complete the form now

There is a form you need to complete. Have you a pen. I would think yes I have one at home. I will take the form home to complete.
It really wouldn’t occur to me that someone was asking me to complete the form there and then
If they did then I would assume that telling me the form needs to be completed now would be more clear.

I wonder sometimes if growing up in a multilingual household with family who had English as a second language (or very broken 2nd language) is the reason I don’t get the nuances of the language, the hints and saying one thing and meaning another.

Scoobydoobydo · 17/04/2022 15:23

Do not mention it to her
Bide your time
You will get an opportunity to return the favour at some point
She was a selfish cow

Swipe left for the next trending thread