Friend still insisting on meeting outside only

[Lemons1571]

Anyone else experiencing this? A meet up for coffee with a friend has been postponed several times because of bad weather, but she won’t go inside with anyone as is scared of catching covid. She helps her cv parent out, though is not a carer, so is still worried about the guilt of catching it and passing it to them.

She’s happy to rearrange a planned meet up at short notice (her kids are adults now) but short notice is a bit of a nightmare for me juggling younger kids and childcare and no local family to help.

She does office work, but won’t sit with her team if she can help it, always sits at a bank of desks on her own.

So I guess AIBU to think that she needs to seek some help to move on a little? We are in the UK not Shanghai. There is an underlying insinuation that im not being flexible or understanding enough, because I can’t magic up childcare for these very short notice date changes.

It's just a different way of living for me at the minute
Today I went on the peloton so that's exercise covered, did some cooking. Did a photo shoot (photographer LFT and has had covid recently) and then came home for a date (LFT again by him)
WFH, I do go to the library as there are times when nobody is in which is nice! Food shop online, prescriptions delivered, chat with my neighbours outside in the garden

@LaSoupe Thanks for laying this out so clearly to those who still don't get it.

Fwiw, during the last flu pandemic (swine flu), I did almost exactly the same level of shielding as during Covid, just informally with doctors' input rather than with direct government instruction. So the perception that CEV is just this new, made up thing is of course completely untrue.

@MrOllivander Can definitely relate to this! We get a lot of things delivered. My dad has started going to his book club again since they can now meet outside, which is lovely (and all triple vaccinated). I met up with a friend, at my home, for the first time in March! We both did LFTs and it was absolutely amazing to see her. I'm pretty unwell day to day so wasn't able to get out a lot before the pandemic either; I realise CEV restrictions are often a lot harder if you had a more normal social life beforehand.

@Imlovinglife

"So would you say that to a parent of a 4 year old little girl with leukaemia?"

@TalkingCat I'm happy for them to do what they want to do. While I, over here, do what I want to do. Live and let live. WTF is wrong with that? What don't you understand? Are you a professional offence-taker or one of those people who likes to impose their will on others?

@Imlovinglife It's your blanket attitude that all people who are shielding are hysterics. Without even taking into consideration why they are taking these precautions. There might be an innocent sick child. Are they still hysterical in that case?

To the people who insist on banging on about how we all need to get back to our normal lives, how those who are still cautious are in the wrong yada yada yada, what exactly is it you’re afraid of? Because there’s a saying: one doth protest too much.

If you want to go out and make merriment with all your equally so chilled mates then crack on. But that doesn’t make those who are still being cautious wrong.

Ironically I am now CV because of the flu 5.5 years ago, when due to an unknown underlying health condition, when I had the flu the virus attacked my heart.

When COVID first hit I was left in no doubt as to where I would likely end up if I caught it. I think the consultant’s words were “if you end up in hospital, it’s unlikely you will come out.” But I have now been triple vaccinated and for the most part have been leading a relatively normal life.

But even before COVID people would stay away from me if they even had a cold, so covid was nothing new.

And then this week my seemingly healthy parents came to see me. And on the Friday my mum felt unwell and did a lateral flow test which turned out to be positive. And then yesterday I tested positive after having cold symptoms since Saturday.

Thus far I have cold/flu symptoms, and if that’s how it ends up then I will be immensely grateful. I won’t smugly start throwing around the statement that “it’s just a cold,” because for many it really isn’t. And the amount of flem on my chest means I currently run the risk of fluid on my lungs, and if that happens I may well become ineligible for the heart transplant I am one day going to need.

But here’s the thing. I don’t give a shit if you’re going out there and mixing with all and sundry. So why do you care so much if I, or anyone else who is vulnerable, doesn’t follow your lead.

Nobody’s telling you to stay home, so why should you be telling us to go out.

I think you need to be clearer with her on what your own restrictions are regarding childcare.
I sympathise though as I also have a friend who is almost as cautious. In my opinion she also needs therapy but it's not easy to suggest such things.

@AlternativePerspective I hope you get over Covid without any lasting problems. I agree with you. It's up to each individual. My DP was very worried about catching Covid (although he isn't classed as CEV) because he ended up in hospital with Atrial Fibrillation following a bad cold which went into his chest and heart a few years ago. Three times after that he has had pericarditis following colds/viruses. So, in the normal run of things, he tries to keep away from anyone who has a cough or cold symptoms, including our children. He doesn't isolate from them when they're coughing and snotting everywhere (as children do!), but keeps a careful distance. He is just over Covid and seems ok thankfully, but we had every reason to be careful and concerned and certainly wouldn't tell other people not to just because it turned out fine for DP.

I think some (a lot of!) people don't understand the concept of allowing people to make their own choices for their own health and the health of their loved ones. If they want/need to be careful, let them - and with no judgement. We're not all the same or in the same lucky position of being blasé about common illnesses.

Frankly, I’ll be surprised if the OP now comes back to this thread.

I wonder if part of the problem is that the OP was always the younger, more flexible friend. Now that a few years have gone by, she has primary aged children so it isn’t the case any more. It’s probably worth telling this person that it isn’t possible to rearrange childcare at short notice.

I can’t work out whether this friend is someone the OP actually enjoys seeing. She isn’t very pro child and makes the OP uncomfortable when she needs to use the loo. I feel as though I’ve heard a lot about the friend but not about the OP. It may be worth deciding at what point it’s time to let this friendship drift. Seeing a friend is meant to make you feel good and it doesn’t sound as though this is the case here.

Invest in some other people. Make lots of plans with them.

@toomuchlaundry
does that make you a nice person?

As another thread reminded me, I spent a whole life being weird. Badly bullied as a child as a child when I learned that if I tried my very hardest to be nice and fit in... my peers still hated me & played constant mean tricks on me at every opportunity. So yeah, I gave up thinking I could convince anyone to like me. It doesn't work, does it?

Anyway, the hysterics I know (most hysterical is a middle-aged male) - They have self-appointed themselves as C(E)V due to chronic mild conditions they manage without medical care. They don't look after anyone vulnerable. Their decisions are out of proportion.

One person I know who is CEV because of 5 different clear risk factors (age, sex, conditions he takes daily pills for & gets monitoring for) -- just had mild no symptom SARS-CoV-2 infection (Bless vaccines). Which infection he caught in hospice after being allowed zero visitors for 5 weeks and where all staff test regularly & wear tonnes of PPE. So yeah, there's that. Who is being protected and how much is it working, by whatever casual socialising rules that ppl want to follow?

I am CEV and am living life normally. Your friend sounds a bit ridiculous - life has to go on. Is she usually anxious?

So I went to a party last Saturday -all of age 50 & over so far 6 people have tested positive all poorly enough that the Bank Holiday weekend has been a write off!
We haven't been out for dinner or to the pub or cinema or any of the things we would normally do over the Bank Holiday!

So tbh my thinking is that as the weather gets better sticking to as much outdoor socialising as possible isn't such a bad idea! 🤷‍♀️

I'm not sure that a written off Bank Holiday weekend because of feeling poorly, and missing the pub and the cinema is that much of a massive deal.

It is for me Hester! Was really looking forward to it! 🤣

@yogabbagabba134 - no, the majority of CEV people have not been offered 4 or 5 vaccines. It’s sadly the case that they’ve only offered the boosters to over 75s and a small subset of CEV who are severely immune-compromised. The rest of can just whistle.