Friend still insisting on meeting outside only

[Lemons1571]

Anyone else experiencing this? A meet up for coffee with a friend has been postponed several times because of bad weather, but she won’t go inside with anyone as is scared of catching covid. She helps her cv parent out, though is not a carer, so is still worried about the guilt of catching it and passing it to them.

She’s happy to rearrange a planned meet up at short notice (her kids are adults now) but short notice is a bit of a nightmare for me juggling younger kids and childcare and no local family to help.

She does office work, but won’t sit with her team if she can help it, always sits at a bank of desks on her own.

So I guess AIBU to think that she needs to seek some help to move on a little? We are in the UK not Shanghai. There is an underlying insinuation that im not being flexible or understanding enough, because I can’t magic up childcare for these very short notice date changes.

You have to remember that for over two years now, the media have been playing with people's minds, making them believe that by meeting up with people indoors they could kill their vulnerable relatives. That's a hard mindset to get out of.

I have a couple of friends who are still very, very cautious about going out and things like that, and as much as I'm just happy to be back to normal, I do also understand that some people can't just flick the switch that easily.

I suggest that you just live your life the best you can, and meet with your friend in the summer when the weather is a bit more reliable.

I think don’t engage with the date fiddling - so 7pm on Thursday and if you are rained off then reset for in 2 weeks rather than ooh how about tomorrow.

Unless it messes with your childcare in which no more meet-ups till she’s comfortable or someone buys a garden umbrella.

You can’t change her but you can avoid pandering.

@Imlovinglife It's not beside the point. It's an offensive and misogynistic term that implies people are overreacting when many of the CEV have been told by our doctors to continue shielding even though formal shielding is over. Are you incapable of understanding this? Do you not understand that people with loved ones who are CEV or CV are not willing to write us off as you are so casually able to do?

@yogabbagabba134

I don't understand the fear, vast majority of the population has been vaccinated AND we have the antivirals.

Because the media has spent years trying to scare people - and it's bound to have worked in some cases.

she needs to seek some help to move on a little

People only ever tell others to move on due to their own discomfort. Basically you want her to 'move on' because it bothers you. Nothing to do with it bothering her. All about how you feel about it.

@BritWifeInUSA

Move on and find a new friend. COVID isn’t going anywhere. It’s a virus. It’ll mutate continuously. We still have the flu virus 100 years after the first pandemic. Incidentally, how did she act during every flu season prior to March 2020? If she lives with someone with a serious medical issue that puts them at risk, this should be nothing new to her.

Please ask yourself, how contagious is flu compared to Omicron?

@fizzbo so were you not cautious around CEV people or other vulnerable people or not consider them in the last year?

[quote Fizzbo]@toomuchlaundry I threw caution to the wind a year ago and I’m exceedingly lovely and very kind so your statement can’t be true! 😉[/quote]
@Fizzbo What about CEV people?

[quote Innocenta]@myusernamewastakenbyme Yes, I love the "drama" of not being able to go anywhere because I'm CEV. It's so fun for me to be restricted like this; I'm only in my early thirties. Enjoying every minute of it. There was definitely nothing else I wanted to do with this time. [/quote]
Same. I'm avoiding pubs, restaurants, don't shop in store etc
I will meet people outside and I have a couple of friends who meet inside my house but will LFT every single time beforehand

Her views,her health, and her choices are her business.
If you don't want to meet her outdoors, just don't.

@MrOllivander r u still going to avoid places after your spring booster?

Just wear N95s (fitted) and double/triple mask + regular hand sanitize.

[quote yogabbagabba134]@MrOllivander r u still going to avoid places after your spring booster?

Just wear N95s (fitted) and double/triple mask + regular hand sanitize.[/quote]
I don't know. I wear FFP2 mask but that's not going to work for pubs etc
So it seems stupid to go to the supermarket when I can have it delivered
Had my 4th vaccine so depends when my next is and hoping to get the antibody test

@UnsuitableHat

This would annoy me tbh bur my principle all along has been to respect other people’s wishes even when they seemed a bit OTT compared to what I’d do. I guess you either suck up her requirements or avoid making social arrangements with her for a while. I’d perhaps also test before seeing her and tell her so.

What about them not respecting your wishes?

I've a close relative in the most vulnerable category.
Over 300 people died this week of Covid.
I think your friend is OK to be cautious.
You on the other hand sound insensitive and unaware.

I have a friend who is also refusing to go out and meet people again. She isn't CEV and doesn't have contact with anyone who is, she is just very anxious. We have coffee on Zoom occasionally and last time she was commenting on seeing photos on FB of her friends meeting up and out enjoying themselves and she is worried about getting left behind and forgotten about. I agreed that it is something that is not unlikely to happen. I think it will be the only thing that makes her rejoin life again.

@toomuchlaundry

It is interesting that the people on this thread who are still being cautious are generally much nicer than some of those who have thrown caution to the wind

I think that's quite funny. The narrative that the cautious are "nicer", "more sensible", "less selfish" etc.

Whereas I see them as being ravaged by anxieties, increasingly unhelpful eccentricities and obsessive tendencies made worse by their social isolation. Some have literally destroyed family relationships in their purist Covid avoidance behaviour. It is painful to watch someone harm themselves systematically. It is easier to give up on the friendship.

@outdooryone

I've a close relative in the most vulnerable category. Over 300 people died this week of Covid. I think your friend is OK to be cautious. You on the other hand sound insensitive and unaware.

with Covid not from it directly. In 2019 approx over 1000 died every day. Yes it's sad but we can't live in fear of seeing others indoor.

@lljkk so you see the posters on here who have been advised by healthcare professionals to still be cautious as eccentric and destroying families, does that make you a nice person?

@metumble

I do know one person like this- practically still living like it’s lockdown. I understand the anxiety to a certain extent but I do wonder when exactly they will begin to return to normal, considering covid is here for good.

Covid might be here for good, but probably not at the current very high rates. Over time, fewer people will have it and risk of catching it will be a lot lower.

The point is, it makes sense for people to hang out with people with whom they can agree terms.

This. If the friendship withers then so be it.

@SpidersAreShitheads

Some people on this thread are so bloody rude.

No one is in the wrong here. We are all entitled to make our own assessments of what is safe. And we all have our own attitude to risk. If your attitude doesn't match with someone else's you're under no obligation to force yourself to do something that doesn't work.

Cases are really high in some areas. Hospitalisations are increasing again. Vaccination immunity is wearing off. There are growing signs that COVID does more to the body than doctors initially realised (and certainly not comparable to a cold or flu).

I totally understand why people have had enough. I get it. I don't blame anyone for being back out there and mixing again. My close friends are. I'm not.

But I support a CEV elderly mum, and I'm a carer to two autistic DC, one with high needs. If I get ill wit COVID, I put my DM at serious risk. Also, if I get it, my DC will struggle to cope. I'm the one that needs to be providing care, they won't go to anyone else (shit situation but it is what it is). They struggle even if I get a headache for a few hours.

I can't afford to get ill myself (and I'm not in brilliant health so chances are that I'd be pretty poorly). Plus I really don't want to put my DM at risk.

For these reasons I'm choosing right now to not socialise indoors. I'll go to shops and I'd happily nip inside quickly to use the toilet, but I don't want to sit in a cafe, bar etc. I still wear a mask when I go shopping. My choices.

Obviously this won't be sustainable forever but while cases are so high, I'd rather be cautious. And if you want to sneer at that, you just crack on. I'm doing what feels right for my family. And luckily I've got friends who understand that when I feel able to socialise, I'll rejoin them at restaurants, and cinemas etc. But right now they understand that it's not for me.

The world has just been through a horrible pandemic that's killed thousands - a bit of fucking understanding about why some people are still anxious wouldn't go amiss from some of you.

This 👆🏻 I'm in a very similar position and could weep at some of the attitudes on this thread. A bit of thought and compassion goes a long way...

Maybe I’m not being clear enough with her as to where I stand with this.

I think this might help, along the lines of saying- look, you have constraints on meeting up and so do I. Yours are about staying outdoors, mine are about not being able to do last minute changes. So we have to respect each others limits, no blame either way, and accept that right now that makes it harder to meet up, but it won't always be like this.

Maybe I’m cynical but my first thought when someone nowadays is extremely cautious about covid is not that they’re extremely caring or less selfish. It’s more likely I’m thinking they have bought into the media panic, and are unable to risk assess properly.

There is definitely a performative and hypocritical element among some people as well - going on about how they could never live with themselves if they passed covid onto others, yet pre 2020 wouldn’t have given it a second thought to leave the house with a cold. Or are very happy to drive everywhere and increase air pollution (which also kills!) but because it’s not covid-related it’s all okay.

@CowboyFromHell CEV people exist.

[quote Innocenta]@CowboyFromHell CEV people exist. [/quote]
Haven't they been vaccinated 4 now soon to be 5 times? And they get the antivirals if they test +ve?