Friend still insisting on meeting outside only

[Lemons1571]

Anyone else experiencing this? A meet up for coffee with a friend has been postponed several times because of bad weather, but she won’t go inside with anyone as is scared of catching covid. She helps her cv parent out, though is not a carer, so is still worried about the guilt of catching it and passing it to them.

She’s happy to rearrange a planned meet up at short notice (her kids are adults now) but short notice is a bit of a nightmare for me juggling younger kids and childcare and no local family to help.

She does office work, but won’t sit with her team if she can help it, always sits at a bank of desks on her own.

So I guess AIBU to think that she needs to seek some help to move on a little? We are in the UK not Shanghai. There is an underlying insinuation that im not being flexible or understanding enough, because I can’t magic up childcare for these very short notice date changes.

@PAFMO

4.9 million people are believed to currently be Covid positive. She has a CV relative. I don't blame her.

Same here.

I have a relative with advanced cancer & I don't meet others indoors.

@TheArtfulBlogger

Why cant she come round to your garden? Then it doesnt matter if she cancels as kids are in the house so no childcare needed

Good question.

Yes CEV people exist, and they also existed prior to March 2020. Covid is not the only illness that impacts people.

@BritWifeInUSA

Move on and find a new friend. COVID isn’t going anywhere. It’s a virus. It’ll mutate continuously. We still have the flu virus 100 years after the first pandemic. Incidentally, how did she act during every flu season prior to March 2020? If she lives with someone with a serious medical issue that puts them at risk, this should be nothing new to her.

Flu doesn't effect most cev people the way that Covid does

This one just seemed to gain the political traction to enable them to act special and to give them some kind of moral high ground to tell people what to do and to guilt trip anyone who didn't fall into line.

That time is over as far as I'm concerned - and I don't think I'm the only one. I won't meet anyone wanting any kind of special treatment. No judgement on them and their reasons - happy for them to do what they want - I'm just not going along with it, so they can find friends/customers (whatever the circs are) who will.

@yogabbagabba134 yes but I still don't really want it!
I was out shopping once and thought I had a cold just starting, by the afternoon I rang OOH as it was rough and they said to come in
By the time I went in I was coughing continuously (turns out I couldn't breathe) and spent 4 days in and out on nebulisers, steroids, antibiotics, oxygen and had pneumonia

It's the time off work, the feeling grim, the antibiotic side effects, the risk of triggering yet another autoimmune condition, the fact I can't fight any bacterial infection so if I get pneumonia with covid. My body is so shit/unlucky that I would probably end up with lasting side effects...
Yes I've had 4 vaccines, I've no idea how sick I will be. Half of me wants to get it over with, the other half doesn't

@CowboyFromHell

Yes CEV people exist, and they also existed prior to March 2020. Covid is not the only illness that impacts people.

You seem to know absolutely nothing about what it's actually like. Learn some empathy. @CowboyFromHell

@Fluffycloudland77

Dh is CEV, in hospital and if I’m positive I can’t visit so I’m still meeting outside, wearing ppe etc.

Some of us don’t get to move onto the next stage of freeedom, we don’t get to book meals out or plan holidays and we’re not enjoying it.

I hope he is able to come home soon. you are so right, some didn’t get to enjoy being maskless or going out.

All the poster falling over themselves to say people still being cautious should get over themselves….covid’s not going anywhere….live with it…
Like we have some sort of choice or enjoy being so concerned.

Immunosuppressed people aren’t expected to have a full immune response so @yogabbagabba134 it doesn’t matter that they’ve had 4 vaccines & other threads are making it clear that the antiviral situation is a lottery wrt the organisation and actually getting them so no, CEV people and their loved ones still don’t feel safe.

@yogabbagabba134 The vaccines + antivirals make it less of a risk than at the beginning of the pandemic, but it's still very dangerous for us. Why do you think some of us are being told to continue shielding? Do you think we enjoy it? Be grateful you are healthy.

Amazing thread! Ive never read something with such a volume of completely polar opposite opinions.

Personally - live and let live. I wouldn’t judge your friend, but I would let them make the move when they are ready. I’ve basically made my own assessment of risk and used a common sense approach throughout this pandemic period. But it does feel like we went from insanely draconian to a free for all in a matter of weeks and that’s got to be weird for some to handle.

The whole thing has been handled stupidly imho, and what we have is some people now worried to an absurd degree when they don’t need to be*, and others acting with impunity and knowingly wandering around with Covid like it’s nothing. I guess I’m some way those latter idiots justify the actions of the fearful.

• I’m not talking about people with health issues, or people who have relatives with them - I’m talking about fit, healthy individuals who have become fearful of living their life. I know more than a few and it’s pretty tragic.

@Imlovinglife

This one just seemed to gain the political traction to enable them to act special and to give them some kind of moral high ground to tell people what to do and to guilt trip anyone who didn't fall into line.

That time is over as far as I'm concerned - and I don't think I'm the only one. I won't meet anyone wanting any kind of special treatment. No judgement on them and their reasons - happy for them to do what they want - I'm just not going along with it, so they can find friends/customers (whatever the circs are) who will.

@Imlovinglife So would you say that to a parent of a 4 year old little girl with leukaemia?

@TalkingCat I think what that poster, and me, and a few others are saying on this thread, is that we don’t understand why Covid is a special case in this situation.

Of course it’s tragic if someone is so clinically vulnerable that they are unable to take part in everyday life. That was tragic in 2019 and it’s still tragic now.

What I don’t understand is why some people, who prior to March 2020, weren’t overly bothered by this then became obsessed with this idea of ‘protecting the vulnerable’. And so I cynically suspect that for some people it’s an easy way of ‘performing’ what a good person they are.

I have nothing but sympathy for those who are clinically vulnerable.

"So would you say that to a parent of a 4 year old little girl with leukaemia?"

@TalkingCat I'm happy for them to do what they want to do. While I, over here, do what I want to do. Live and let live. WTF is wrong with that? What don't you understand? Are you a professional offence-taker or one of those people who likes to impose their will on others?

@CowboyFromHell People with CEV family members were taking these precautions at riskier times well before Covid, you just weren't aware of them. There are very high rates of an illness that is still extremely dangerous for CEV people. I really don't see what you find so surprising about the fact that, while this continues to be the case, those who love us want to take extra care.

@Imlovinglife You're being wilfully offensive. You might as well outright say that you don't care how many CEV people die. It was already obvious from your earlier posts, but I'm surprised you'd double down in response to the PP's example of a four year old.

"You're being wilfully offensive."

I am literally not. You are being wilfully ignorant. I am saying "live and let live". We can't all agree on everything, so the natural thing (and what we do in other areas of life) is that people who want to do 1 thing hang out together. People who want another thing, they hang out together.

What is wrong with that, please?

@Imlovinglife I have absolutely no problem with healthy people meeting up and having a nice time. None of my comments say that I do, so in that sense I literally am "letting live". But you are not, because you're contributing (heavily in this thread) to demonising those of us who have no choice about our medical situations, and our families who understandably just want us to stick around for as close to a normal lifespan as possible.

You are showing zero respect for the additional burden placed on CV and CEV people (and our families) by the pandemic, which, yes, for many is just yet another adverse circumstance on top of many previous ones.

@Imlovinglife Is my wife supposed to just, what, be chill about the prospect of me dying in my early 30s? When similar to @MrOllivander I can be hospitalised by a cold...? Do you actually think we chose this, or we enjoy it?

[quote Innocenta]**@Imlovinglife* I have absolutely no problem with healthy people meeting up and having a nice time. None of my comments say that I do, so in that sense I literally am "letting live". But you are not, because you're contributing (heavily in this thread) to demonising those of us who have no choice* about our medical situations, and our families who understandably just want us to stick around for as close to a normal lifespan as possible.

You are showing zero respect for the additional burden placed on CV and CEV people (and our families) by the pandemic, which, yes, for many is just yet another adverse circumstance on top of many previous ones. [/quote]
I'm not getting into this with you as you clearly are misunderstanding what I am saying and are enjoying acting all offended. Ok, no problem - but I'm not going to be your entertainment for the evening.

I get it. You have no choice. I get that, as a result, you have decided to live your life a certain way. That's fine.

It is also fine if you invite someone over, inform them of your T&Cs and they say "no thanks" and don't come.

As I say, no judgement on your illness or your rules. You do what you want. No one has to bend to your will, they can opt not to come over - that's fine too.

I don't get what is controversial about what I'm saying - and I don't really know what you are trying to say or propose - other than being determined to take offence - though at what I don't know.

Just backs up what I said. People who want/think 1 thing - they can hang out together. People who want/think another thing - they can hang out together. Then we're all happy. Yes?

[quote Innocenta]**@Imlovinglife* Is my wife supposed to just, what, be chill about the prospect of me dying in my early 30s? When similar to @MrOllivander I can be hospitalised by a cold...? Do you actually think we chose this, or we enjoy* it? [/quote]
Obviously I am not willing people to die. But what are you trying to say? I honestly don't know.

I'm saying - Just meet up with people who will respect your rules etc.

Live and let live. Easy really.

She's allowed to have this standard. Might be annoying but her choice and it sounds like a sacrifice that she feels she has to make. If you value her as a friend try working around her imo x

My mother is CV, so I totally get it. You sound like a shit friend. Really, think about it. If her mother catches Covid, she might die. There's a good possibility she could catch it from you since restrictions are gone, so have a heart and just be more understanding. If it's too difficult for you with the kids, explain it to her but be kind and understanding of her situation, too. Geez, some people.

@outdooryone

I've a close relative in the most vulnerable category. Over 300 people died this week of Covid. I think your friend is OK to be cautious. You on the other hand sound insensitive and unaware.

Depending what area you are referring to, I think that's a typo. 2000 people, so roughly 300 per day, died with covid (28 day rule, which is roughly equivalent to the numbers who turn out to have died with covid as a cause on their death certificate).

@Imlovinglife You know perfectly well what you're saying.

and are enjoying acting all offended.

No. I do not enjoy any of this. I am offended by the offensive things you are saying.

As I say, no judgement on your illness or your rules. You do what you want.

Again, nobody wants to be sick. Your implication is vile.

Then we're all happy.

Nobody wants to continue shielding. Those of us who are have been personally, individually advised by our doctors. It's not some casual difference of opinion. Of course we would infinitely prefer to have more freedom.

[quote CowboyFromHell]@TalkingCat I think what that poster, and me, and a few others are saying on this thread, is that we don’t understand why Covid is a special case in this situation.

Of course it’s tragic if someone is so clinically vulnerable that they are unable to take part in everyday life. That was tragic in 2019 and it’s still tragic now.

What I don’t understand is why some people, who prior to March 2020, weren’t overly bothered by this then became obsessed with this idea of ‘protecting the vulnerable’. And so I cynically suspect that for some people it’s an easy way of ‘performing’ what a good person they are.

I have nothing but sympathy for those who are clinically vulnerable.[/quote]
Because Covid is still at pandemic levels (i.e. a ton of people have it at any one time) but flu is rarely at pandemic levels. Therefore, it was much safer for CV people to be out and about before. Also, the incubation period for Covid is pretty special in that people can be passing it on even when they aren't ill. Some people are at their most contagious when they have no symptoms. That's what makes it different to before 2020.