Do you wake sleeping teens or leave them be?

[Meltinthemiddle]

I have two teens and both sleep in past pm if you let them and I was exactly the same. Dh (ex military) thinks they should up, dressed and fed by as soon as we are up. I think they need their sleep and waking a sleeping teen is like like waking sleeping baby! I do however stir them just before 12 so that they can eat at lunch and aren't skipping meals. What do you do?

If I don’t need my 2 for anything I leave them until 12

It's hormonal. They can't help it.

In brief, teenagers have a delayed production of melatonin in the sleep cycle, so they don't fall into restful sleep until several hours after they go to bed.

Apologies if this has already been discussed! Don't have time to RTFT.

I can’t see how waking up at 2pm is compatible with, for example, achieving good exam results or holding down a job.

I slept in until 1pm today, have a job and excelled in my exams

[quote Thepeopleversuswork]@fairylightsandwaxmelts

What do I hope to achieve? Inculcating habits that set you up well to manage your life well. I can’t see how waking up at 2pm is compatible with, for example, achieving good exam results or holding down a job. Shoot me if you think I am horribly cruel or authoritarian but I am not the only person to feel like this.

There’s obviously a middle ground here: I am not saying I would force a teen to be up at 9am just for the sake of it. But I’m not going to feel great about them literally sleeping all weekend. I think it’s a waste and if some of you feel judged by that so be it.

I also am not totally convinced that this “science” that dictates that they need to spend 24 hours a day in bed is credible. It seems to have appeared out of nowhere.

I’m not blaming or judging anyone whose teenagers don’t want to get up. But that doesn’t mean to say I can’t feel a sense of impending dread about it.[/quote]
What do I hope to achieve? Inculcating habits that set you up well to manage your life well. I can’t see how waking up at 2pm is compatible with, for example, achieving good exam results or holding down a job. Shoot me if you think I am horribly cruel or authoritarian but I am not the only person to feel like this.

Lots of people work shifts, night works or evening jobs. I used to work in a supermarket and never started work before 2pm - often it was 4pm. Nurses, truck drivers, doctors, warehouse workers, carers and millions of others all work "non traditional" hours - are their jobs less worthy because they sleep during the day?

There’s obviously a middle ground here: I am not saying I would force a teen to be up at 9am just for the sake of it. But I’m not going to feel great about them literally sleeping all weekend. I think it’s a waste and if some of you feel judged by that so be it.

I don't feel judged - I'm normally up by 9am as the dog needs a walk, but the point is - it's not your life or your weekend. If someone wants to spend their weekend/downtime sleeping, whether you think it's a waste (or not) is largely irrelevant. It's not your time - it's theirs.

I also am not totally convinced that this “science” that dictates that they need to spend 24 hours a day in bed is credible. It seems to have appeared out of nowhere.

Where has anyone said that teenagers need to spend 24 hours in bed? People have just said that it's completely natural for people's sleep patterns to change as they go through adolescence.

I’m not blaming or judging anyone whose teenagers don’t want to get up. But that doesn’t mean to say I can’t feel a sense of impending dread about it.

Of course you're judging. You've said it's a waste of a life, depressing and unnatural - what is that if not being judgemental?

I tiptoe around mine but they are always up and about by 8am. My older (17) has just mastered the art of going back to sleep and can sometimes stay asleep until 10am, but that's it.
They are also useless at staying up late, which I quite like. It means they get their sleep - just shunted into an earlier window than the stereotype.

[quote Thepeopleversuswork]@arethereanyleftatall

No, sleeping is not a hobby. By any stretch.

Sleep has many benefits but calling being unconscious a hobby is just not going to fly. You might as well say getting paralytically drunk is a hobby.[/quote]
In your opinion it's not a hobby. A hobby is something people enjoy doing in their free time.

If someone wants to spend their downtime sleeping or napping, why is that any less legitimate than someone who spends theirs rock-climbing, hiking or knitting jumpers for homeless kittens?

Sleeping is a hobby. We sleep longer than we need because we enjoy it!

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Sleep has many benefits but calling being unconscious a hobby is just not going to fly. You might as well say getting paralytically drunk is a hobby

You just named my two favourite hobbies.

😂😂😂

@Thepeopleversuswork
Of course sleeping IN (I note you omitted the pertinent word) is a hobby. A lie in is enjoyed by many many people as what they would like to do if they have a few hours spare - ie a hobby.

They're growing, their bodies get tired so I let them sleep.

They're always up and out the door on time to walk to school so I have no complaints and they walk back home again 30 mins each way so they're good

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Sleeping is a hobby. We sleep longer than we need because we enjoy it!

Exactly.

I'm up early for work everyday and I love a lie-in! Is it needed? No. Is it fun and relaxing? Abso-fucking-lutely, lol.

We let ours sleep.

I leave them to sleep. I enjoy the peace and quiet unless I have a lie in as well.
During the holidays they don't have a bed time either. They go back to their bedtimes a few days before going back to school.

My DD is 15. She gets up at 7am without fail and gets herself ready and to school in good time, every day for school. At weekends she likes to sleep in, and stay up late. She has a pt job after school 2 days/week that she gets to and from herself because I am at work. She did very well in her mock gcses and predicted (hopefully) will get good grades at the actual gcses. In fact one of the SLT at her school advised spending 2 days in bed over the Easter holidays !!

I can't see the point of waking her at 10am or whatever "just because". Because what? That's a conventional time to wake up? If she hasn't got to be anyway or do anything, then it's slightly pointless. She is always up and ready on the days that matter.

I'm so jealous of the pp who have kids that sleep that late. I would've LOVED all those hours of alone time in the morning but alas mine would wake by 6:30/7:00 no matter what and still does. It's so annoying lol

So obviously I'm in the let them sleep camp. But my DM was like your DH, she thought everyone should be up by 8:00 and she was in the military too. Oddly my DF was military but was like me, happy if we slept in cause it gave him kid free time.

It probably does depend on how it will affect their own bedtime. Mine are that knackered from life and growing that they'll wake up at 2pm (following 16 hours in bed) and still go to bed at 10pm that night.

I agree with this^. My DD loves to sleep later but then her whole routine out of the window and she really struggles when back to school/ college, she’s basically unwell because of it. She’s got additional needs so any extra problems are not welcome. So I leave her to sleep until 11 first few days and then move her wake up time slightly by producing more noise, putting TV on etc but never earlier then 8.30 at holidays, it’s too cruel.

It probably does depend on how it will affect their own bedtime. Mine are that knackered from life and growing that they'll wake up at 2pm (following 16 hours in bed) and still go to bed at 10pm that night

My dd nearly slept round the clock the other day

My parents were pretty chill, but lie-ins, and things like pyjama days were never even considered! Honestly, I don't think I EVER stayed in my pyjamas all day until I moved out!
I am 46 and have never had a pyjamas day even after having 2 babies, I'd rather be up and dressed. A lie in holds no allure for me I am and have always been a lark, give me a 9pm bedtime and a 6am run any day of the week. My teens are built like me although less extreme, usually surface around 9am at the weekend. I would let them sleep in as a one off but I think I'd get worried by about 11am and go in to check they were alive.

DH is a lark who would turn the teens out of bed. I’m an owl whose sleep patterns have remained similar to in my teens. So I have always argued they should be left alone.

i Dont buy the argument that they need to be forced to learn to get up because of a notional working day. I have worked quite a few jobs where I had shifts starting mid/late afternoon it worked very well for me.

I now work office hours but have a certain amount of freedom, so I tend to start later and finish later if I don’t have meetings. In this job I’m paid for my knowledge and expertise, and most colleagues acknowledge I’m more efficient and effective (and led grumpy) later in the day.

We are apex predators. We are closer to the big cats than to bees and ants. designed to want to spend a lot of time lounging around sleeping.

I wake mine by 10. At school he needs to be up at 6.30 so if I let him sleep until 2pm the first week back at school would be horrendous.

My mum always got us up early in the school holidays and it just seemed so silly. She was of the mind that if her and my dad were up we should be up. I understood it if we had plans but if not we just sat around the living room all day as we weren't allowed in our rooms until bedtime because 'bedrooms are for sleeping..'

My 16 year old gets up at 4.50am on Sat and Sun as he works part time as an online picker. He is HS though so in the week his schedule is more relaxed.
When he' s not working or studying, l just leave him be, l don't think theres anything wrong in allowing teenagers to sleep.

My dm sometimes used to bring the vacuum cleaner into my room to get me out of bed! Annoyingly my dbros got to sleep in until whenever they liked!
I let my dc sleep in, but I do like them to be up for lunch at least as I worry they're not eating enough otherwise. My ds (13) usually gets up by 10, but dd (16) often sleeps until midday and beyond. They're both nocturnal as was I. It's only now I fall asleep on the sofa by 9!

@CircusBaby

My mum always got us up early in the school holidays and it just seemed so silly. She was of the mind that if her and my dad were up we should be up. I understood it if we had plans but if not we just sat around the living room all day as we weren't allowed in our rooms until bedtime because 'bedrooms are for sleeping..'

Wow I couldn't have coped with that mentality, my bedroom was my favourite place to be!

When it gets to about half 11 I'll go in and say the time. By 12 I'd give another shoogle.

If they were wanting to sleep past 12 regularly I'd have a word about bedtimes.

But I'm assuming you mean early teens?

If they've left school age they can do as they please.