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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you wake sleeping teens or leave them be?

182 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 15/04/2022 10:59

I have two teens and both sleep in past pm if you let them and I was exactly the same. Dh (ex military) thinks they should up, dressed and fed by as soon as we are up. I think they need their sleep and waking a sleeping teen is like like waking sleeping baby! I do however stir them just before 12 so that they can eat at lunch and aren't skipping meals. What do you do?

OP posts:
kimfox · 15/04/2022 12:23

*too Hmm

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 15/04/2022 12:30

@C25kBecky

What does he want them to do once they are up and dressed at the crack of dawn?

Tell him to leave them to it.

Be on the Parade Ground ready for inspection, I would imagine.
BlackeyedSusan · 15/04/2022 12:31

Doesn't one have to be up and awake to be able to wake them up?

DS and I didn't wake today until 11.30. DD on the other hand has been up and revised already.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 15/04/2022 12:32

@iklboo

Let DS(16) sleep in the holidays. If we're going out anywhere I gently wake him up by stroking his arm / face. DH does the same. Then give him time to come round.

I don't know what would make my DC eye roll more - being woken up from teenage style sleep in general or being woken up by me "stroking his arm / face" Grin

There is normally no visible teenager under the duvet anyway Grinso I just give the duvet a few pulls if I need to wake them up.

My older teens are usually coming home as we are getting up! (Well when DH gets up, I am a bit of a teenager myself when it comes to sleep at the weekends)

I figure they have probably 50 years ahead where they will have to get up for work, let them sleep (and party) now whilst they can!

Kite22 · 15/04/2022 12:40

Let them sleep if they don't need to be there.

Depending on stage of life / if they are supposed to be revising, etc, I used to wake them around dinner time. (ie, the middle of the day).

SmallThingsEverywhere · 15/04/2022 12:44

OP does your DH think that they aren’t being productive because they aren’t up and about at 6am? Better to deal with a well rested teen in the afternoon than a grumpy bastard at 7am. Believe me! Mine are well rounded, high achieving teens, who do like a long lie in during the holidays. It really isn’t a big deal. They’re awake now and chores commence at 1300 hoursGrin

OfstedOffred · 15/04/2022 12:44

How old are they? If they are sleeping past noon they are probably staying up very very late.

Circadian rhythms shift in some teens, not all. I think it is more likely to shift where teens have no restrictions on bedtime and stay up extremely late. This wasnt routinely encouraged by my parents when I was a teen, only occasionally, so I never had any trouble waking at a normal hour. Teens don't suddenly need 14+ of sleep. If they are sound asleep til noon its likely they've been up til 1 or 2 in the morning.

Mangogogogo · 15/04/2022 12:47

I leave mine, he’s too grumpy 😂 the dog has just gone in and woke him up now, but tbh this is a record for him, he’s usually up around 11.

School days he’s up at 7 so I don’t really see an issue letting him sleep in the holidays

Mangogogogo · 15/04/2022 12:49

Mine does have a bedtime of around 12 in the holidays though. Which I know is not for others but as a family of 5 night owls we’ve just naturally fell into this rhythm.

Tiredalwaystired · 15/04/2022 12:57

@turtleturtle

I don't have teenagers but I vote to let them sleep! I feel like it's a right of passage, I loved those care free days where I could sleep in as long as I wanted. I guess I can do that again when my children get to the teenager years....
I thought that but my body wakes me at seven!!!

Another rhythm change as you get older. Now I just want to nap mid afternoon.

BiscuitLover3678 · 15/04/2022 13:00

I love my parents but have memories of being woken by 9 if I wasn’t up by then (parents up around 8). They would literally come in, do the curtains, the whole ‘lazy’ spiel.

When I have teens I’ll allow at least half 10/11. Also as a parent of a toddler, I can’t wait for mornings to myself 😂

MarriedThreeChildren · 15/04/2022 13:00

I’m not sure what I would do tbh! (Mines are still up around 8,30am lol).

But the issue I’d have is
1- no way to do anything together at the weekend
2- it would also mean them going to sleep much later in the evening so what’s the benefit?

Blossomtoes · 15/04/2022 13:00

@arethereanyleftatall

This isn't entirely relevant, but on OLD I have a growing list of things I swipe left for - being in the military or ex-military is one of those things. Just too regimented and narrow minded.
You might be missing out! They’re not all like that, mine certainly isn’t.
BanjoKnockers · 15/04/2022 13:01

@arethereanyleftatall

This isn't entirely relevant, but on OLD I have a growing list of things I swipe left for - being in the military or ex-military is one of those things. Just too regimented and narrow minded.
I totally agree! Can't stand that authoritarian "because-I-say-so" style of parenting, and there's a tendency for it to spill over into the relationship.

I guess that I'm the army you'll find yourself in the court martial for asking why, but that's not how I want to run my private life!

AlexaShutUp · 15/04/2022 13:02

I let dd sleep unless we have agreed the previous day that she wants to be woken up.

MarriedThreeChildren · 15/04/2022 13:02

@OfstedOffred

How old are they? If they are sleeping past noon they are probably staying up very very late.

Circadian rhythms shift in some teens, not all. I think it is more likely to shift where teens have no restrictions on bedtime and stay up extremely late. This wasnt routinely encouraged by my parents when I was a teen, only occasionally, so I never had any trouble waking at a normal hour. Teens don't suddenly need 14+ of sleep. If they are sound asleep til noon its likely they've been up til 1 or 2 in the morning.

I agree there and I think it has been my experience with my teens.

We’ve always had discussion about needing to get enough sleep etc… going to bed EARLY if you are tired rather than having a lie in etc….
Plus the fact THEY a want to be up and about during the weekend helps!

Blossomtoes · 15/04/2022 13:02

Teens don’t usually want to do family stuff at the weekend @MarriedThreeChildren. And mine spent all his time in his room, I rarely saw him.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/04/2022 13:03

Circadianrhythms shift in most. I was a teacher, there was lots of stuff on this.

DD’s school starts at 9:15 to accommodate this.

MarriedThreeChildren · 15/04/2022 13:04

Interestingly my teens will chose to get up early ish after a night out and then have a nap rather than getting up at 12.00pm~1.00pm.

Their comment has always been that getting up that late was like wasting a whole day 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

MarriedThreeChildren · 15/04/2022 13:04

@Blossomtoes

Teens don’t usually want to do family stuff at the weekend *@MarriedThreeChildren*. And mine spent all his time in his room, I rarely saw him.
Hahaha…

You’ll have to tell mine. Because they do. A LOT.

Porcupineintherough · 15/04/2022 13:06

Generally speaking Iet them aleep til 10am or so then wake them up. Theyve always got stuff to do, or there's stuff that needs doing and I just think sleeping all day and gaming/messing round on sm all night is a bit of a shit way to live.

TenoringBehind · 15/04/2022 13:10

I leave them for most of the holidays but on the last few mornings I wake them as part of a strategy to reprogramme them for a 6:45 alarm call.

CircusBaby · 15/04/2022 13:13

I let them sleep. If we don't have plans as a family, and they don't have plans themselves, then I don't see any reason to be waking them up unnecessarily.

AledsiPad · 15/04/2022 13:20

So glad to see these replies, I thought I was a bit lazy/awful for leaving mine! Blush

I honestly just let mine set their own routines/body clocks in the holidays. They're 14 and 15 and although they sometimes don't surface until gone 12, they're both absolutely fine at getting back into a routine for school so I leave them be.

TheChosenTwo · 15/04/2022 13:20

I let them sleep in. Haven’t seen either the 16yo or the 17yo yet today. I’ve heard them, one has been up for a shower and the other has been up and about in her room.
They usually surface around midday if we don’t have prior plans.
As I typed this out dd1 has just come downstairs looking for something to eat Grin
And mine do quite a lot of family stuff still, and I’m happy about it!