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Original poster

Do you wake sleeping teens or leave them be?

182 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 15/04/2022 10:59

I have two teens and both sleep in past pm if you let them and I was exactly the same. Dh (ex military) thinks they should up, dressed and fed by as soon as we are up. I think they need their sleep and waking a sleeping teen is like like waking sleeping baby! I do however stir them just before 12 so that they can eat at lunch and aren't skipping meals. What do you do?

OP posts:
TillyTopper · 15/04/2022 14:14

Mine are both 20 years old. I have always left them to sleep unless we need to be somewhere. Tell you DH they are not in the army!

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 15/04/2022 14:19

@Thepeopleversuswork perhaps come back when you have DC that age before judging other peoples' parenting of teenagers.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 15/04/2022 14:20

I'm going back to bed Smile

Wotrewelookinat · 15/04/2022 14:26

I leave mine, 18 year old is an adult and can make her own choices, plus she works full time with some 6am shifts so she definitely needs to catch up on sleep when she’s not working. 17 year old studying really hard on A levels and always sleeps in at the weekend and school hols. Again, old enough to make own choices. They’re both still very sporty and active and eat well so not concerned about their general health.

Deadringer · 15/04/2022 14:26

I sleep best if I go to bed late and get up late. When we first got married my dh would moan if I slept in at the weekend, he considered it a waste of time, yet he would get up early then sit in front of the TV in his dressing gown for the day. Confused

zingally · 15/04/2022 14:32

I'm not at the teens stage with mine yet, but growing up, my mum would come and wake me up by about 9:15-9:30 if I wasn't showing signs of life by then!

My parents were pretty chill, but lie-ins, and things like pyjama days were never even considered! Honestly, I don't think I EVER stayed in my pyjamas all day until I moved out!

TheMoreYouKnow · 15/04/2022 14:32

Mine ask me to wake them but I would prefer to leave them esp as they are up all hours and one in particular has problems with their sleep. Teenagers needs more sleep and their circadian cycles are different. One reason a uk school was trialling letting the their pupils start at 10am. I don't know whether they carried on with it. Its the holidays, I'd leave them to lie in.

Abraxan · 15/04/2022 14:32

Dd is home from university and sleeps loads during the day. If she needs to be up for a reason she will do so, otherwise she sleeps most of the morning. Mind nights out often involve not being home til morning time!

She woke earlier today - around 10:30 after an early night - she was asleep around 10pm last night. However she is now asleep in the sun on the garden sofa right now!

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/04/2022 14:40

[quote WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles]@Thepeopleversuswork perhaps come back when you have DC that age before judging other peoples' parenting of teenagers.

[/quote]
I’m not judging anyone: I know the drill with teenagers. I am just saying I am dreading it because I think sleeping all day is shit. Sorry if this offends some of you. I’m not going to demand everyone lives like me but I can’t help how I feel…

Welshmaenad · 15/04/2022 14:42

If she doesn't have anywhere to be, I leave her sleep.

She's hideously grumpy if she's woken for no reason.

cecilthehungryspider · 15/04/2022 14:43

I wake mine. One is autistic and had real problems with sleep when younger. We saw a sleep therapist who, amongst other things, told us it was really important to always get up at the same time. I actually let things drift for them post A levels last year and they have struggled to get into a good sleep pattern since which has made uni a bit tricky. These holidays I have woken them up every morning and it has made a big difference already and I'm hoping that will help with the return to uni life.

The other suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome so having a good night's sleep is really important. We're following the sleep advice we had above including waking up and getting up in the morning (OT fully agrees with this plan), and also keeping a good routine so the return to school won't completely wipe them out with the shock of a sudden change of routine. Even the clocks changing was a bit of a disaster!

This has all been discussed, explained and agreed with both teens though so it's not just me being a sergeant major. They are fully on board with the arrangement. I always wake them up with a cup of tea to make it less traumatic.

MermaidSwimming · 15/04/2022 14:47

If we don't have plans i Ieave them until 12ish

Newuser82 · 15/04/2022 14:50

My kids are young and so generally up pretty early. I'm interested to ask those with teens sleeping till 3pm what time do they go to sleep?

Bumply · 15/04/2022 14:54

I left mine to sleep. They'd go into their own night shift it there wasn't anything they were required for in normal hours.

Eldest is now 24 and in his first full time job where he does shift work: 2 days 7am -7pm and 2 nights 7pm - 7am then 4 days off. Suits him perfectly.

pointythings · 15/04/2022 14:59

I let mine sleep unless we have plans, and if we do the they set alarms and are up on time. One of mine has fibro and needs all the sleep they can get.

Kite22 · 15/04/2022 15:02

If they are sound asleep til noon its likely they've been up til 1 or 2 in the morning.

and ?

I am not sure why that is a problem.
Or are we back to the people who go to bed early and get up early being somehow more virtuous than those capable of staying up later and then sleeping in later ?

arethereanyleftatall · 15/04/2022 15:04

But @Thepeopleversuswork - isn't sleeping in a hobby like any other? People can do whatever they want with their own disposable time. You don't have to choose that as your hobby, sure, but other people can decide what's shit and what's not for themselves. For example, train spotting isn't my cup of tea at all, so I don't do it, but I don't think anyone who does is 'wasting their life'. Just different choices.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/04/2022 15:08

[quote Thepeopleversuswork]@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Well if it’s my kid it’s my business.[/quote]
I actually don't agree with you.

What do you think you're going to achieve by forcing your teens to get up at 9am for no reason? A good relationship? A happy teenager?

And you claim in your other posts that you're not being judgemental but you absolutely are. You call it:

"a waste of a life"
"depressing"
"unnatural"

And I'm not sure why you disagree with doctors either...it's well documented that teenagers body clocks change - or do you think the scientific community has just made it all up for shits and giggles?

www.sleepfoundation.org/circadian-rhythm/sleep-drive-and-your-body-clock

fizzypop100 · 15/04/2022 15:10

I wake my son up or he is hyper at nightime

cecilthehungryspider · 15/04/2022 15:24

And I'm not sure why you disagree with doctors either...it's well documented that teenagers body clocks change - or do you think the scientific community has just made it all up for shits and giggles?

www.sleepfoundation.org/circadian-rhythm/sleep-drive-and-your-body-clock

"In adolescence, up to 16% of teenagers experience a sleep phase delay9. Due to this circadian shift10, their melatonin levels don’t begin to rise until later in the evening. As a result, they naturally feel more alert at night, making it harder for them to fall asleep before 11:00 p.m. This wouldn’t be a problem if school start times weren’t so early, which makes it tough for teens to get the recommended 8 to 9 hours of sleep per night."

This is talking about them sleeping from 11 pm though. So 8 or 9 hours sleep would be 7 or 8 am to get up. It does not say they need to sleep until noon.

A lot of people are saying they let their teens sleep in because they have difficulties with sleep. Honestly, a lot of those difficulties would probably improve if they got up at a reasonable time every morning. That's my lived experience and the advice (amongst other advice) that I've had from a sleep therapist. Not a criticism of anyone, just food for thought perhaps.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/04/2022 15:26

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

What do I hope to achieve? Inculcating habits that set you up well to manage your life well. I can’t see how waking up at 2pm is compatible with, for example, achieving good exam results or holding down a job. Shoot me if you think I am horribly cruel or authoritarian but I am not the only person to feel like this.

There’s obviously a middle ground here: I am not saying I would force a teen to be up at 9am just for the sake of it. But I’m not going to feel great about them literally sleeping all weekend. I think it’s a waste and if some of you feel judged by that so be it.

I also am not totally convinced that this “science” that dictates that they need to spend 24 hours a day in bed is credible. It seems to have appeared out of nowhere.

I’m not blaming or judging anyone whose teenagers don’t want to get up. But that doesn’t mean to say I can’t feel a sense of impending dread about it.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/04/2022 15:35

@Newuser82

My kids are young and so generally up pretty early. I'm interested to ask those with teens sleeping till 3pm what time do they go to sleep?
No idea I am asleep way before they are
Thepeopleversuswork · 15/04/2022 15:38

@arethereanyleftatall

No, sleeping is not a hobby. By any stretch.

Sleep has many benefits but calling being unconscious a hobby is just not going to fly. You might as well say getting paralytically drunk is a hobby.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/04/2022 15:40

Sleep has many benefits but calling being unconscious a hobby is just not going to fly. You might as well say getting paralytically drunk is a hobby

You just named my two favourite hobbies.

TWmover · 15/04/2022 15:41

Absolutely agree with pp regarding physiology, I work with teens and it's part of brain development. Look it up and show your DH the evidence. Their brain is currently wired this way so their day is much later (they cannot help it, much like risk taking behaviour etc). Its biology not laziness. They will get up for jobs etc and when they have to but help them rest when they can by being flexible, arranging things later where possible. No one thinks twice about doing that for a baby or adult that needs rest.