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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to wedding of a close friend’s daughter

269 replies

Jazzaloon · 15/04/2022 06:36

I haven’t seen my friend for a while due to Covid but knew her daughter’s wedding was to take place this April. I was never told the date or the venue and assumed that perhaps the pandemic had altered their plans. I recently had a phone call during which she revealed that the wedding was in four days’ time, explaining away the fact I obviously hadn’t been invited by saying that she didn’t think I would want to come as I didn’t like that sort of thing. True in part, that I feel awkward at such events but I have met a lot of her family socially over the years who have always been welcoming and I would have liked to attend. We have been friends for over 30 years and I feel hurt that I was never on the guest list – and by this I mean for the evening reception not the ceremony or the wedding breakfast. As the wedding was to be held at a country house hotel some miles away there wasn’t even the opportunity to see the bride as she set off from home in her dress or arrived at the register office.

I know that as my friend is the one paying for everything on the big day she will have invited other friends to the evening reception. AIBU and should I just suck it up? At the moment I don’t feel I can meet up with this friend again, especially if it is to see photos of an event I wasn’t ever going to be a part of.

OP posts:
SandysMam · 15/04/2022 06:39

Weddings can be seriously limited in numbers and young people can have huge circles of friends. It is her daughters wedding, not hers, I wouldn’t expect you to be invited. Send a lovely card and wish them well.

TreacsPotNoodle · 15/04/2022 06:39

I think you're being very dramatic. It's not your friends wedding it's her daughters. She'll be inviting her own friends not her mothers.

I'm close to a few of my mums friends but wouldn't invite them to my wedding!

icklekid · 15/04/2022 06:39

I had this conversation with my mum 10 years ago - she expected to invite all her friends (about 20) which meant we had to limit out friends. The expectations have definitely shifted away from parents friends to bride and groom friends. I get it my parents wedding they didn’t have many of their friends so they felt this was their opportunity- we compromised but they also contributed to the wedding cost…

EnterFunnyNameHere · 15/04/2022 06:42

I know that as my friend is the one paying for everything on the big day she will have invited other friends to the evening reception

Really? Why are you friends with someone who would think financially supporting their daughters wedding means it becomes a jolly for her friends, and not a day for the bride and groom?

Assuming this isn't a wind up or a reverse, YABVU!

Caspianberg · 15/04/2022 06:42

Yours friends daughter? That’s a bit of a leap.

We haven’t even invited all friends and family. Just closest family and few friends, that’s still 40 people. I don’t want a huge wedding with people I rarely see or know.

Wnkingawalrus · 15/04/2022 06:43

It says a lot more about her relationship with her daughter than her relationship with you. You have no idea if she has invited other friends or not and perhaps her daughter dug her heels in and said no to inviting her parents friends?

TulipsGarden · 15/04/2022 06:44

That is definitely not a wedding I would expect to go to. People tend to pay for their own weddings nowadays, so they choose the guest list and invite their own friends, not their parents' friends.

Shoxfordian · 15/04/2022 06:44

Are you close to her daughter? It’s her wedding so she will have been inviting her own friends - yabu

Clymene · 15/04/2022 06:44

It's not your friend's wedding. It's her daughter's. It should be up to her and her fiancé to decide on the guest list.

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 06:45

It's not your friends wedding...

Haus1234 · 15/04/2022 06:47

Having parents friends is much less common these days, even if your friend is paying (do you know this for a fact or are you assuming?). Don’t fall out over this, it’s not worth it.

Newuser82 · 15/04/2022 06:47

I'm sorry you feel upset about this but I wouldn't expect to be invited to a wedding of a friends daughter. In fact my dad asked if he could invite friends to our wedding and I said no. We had a small ish wedding and I wanted the people there who meant the most to us, not friends of our parents. Sorry

UnsuitableHat · 15/04/2022 06:48

I get what you’re saying and think I’d feel a bit put out too, especially by the stated assumption that you ‘don’t like’ that sort of thing. However I do think it’s something to try and move on from - don’t let it get to you too much. You have, at least, been spared the time and expense of going to something you might not have particularly enjoyed. If this is symptomatic of bigger issues in the friendship though, that could be something to address later.

Alliswells · 15/04/2022 06:48

Yabu. I didn't invite any of my mum's friends to my wedding. With limits on numbers it's not really a priority to invite parents friends.

debbrianna · 15/04/2022 06:50

I would find out how many people went then think about whether you Want to remain friends or not. Sometime, even think about how uou value it. How many of her other friends were invited? Sometime we stick to relationships we feel closer to compared to what it actually is.

UnsuitableHat · 15/04/2022 06:51

By the way, do you know for sure that there’s an ‘evening reception’? I’ve been to a few ‘venue’ weddings where guests were only invited to the whole thing.

BrizzleGuts · 15/04/2022 06:53

YABU IMO.
One of my kids gets married soon. I am friends with a few people from school so for 30 years, who were at my wedding, have known my kids all their lives even babysat them. But we won't be inviting any of them to the wedding. The numbers are extremely limited and after immediate family and their close friends there just isn't the allocation available.
They don't care, and have even said they didn't expect to be invited when I have brought up that issue of numbers. I can't imagine why anyone would be upset not being invited in this situation. If it was your best friend for 30 years wedding I could understand but their child? I think that's unreasonable.

Shiningpath · 15/04/2022 06:53

YABVU parents’ friends just don’t go to weddings now. It’s - quite rightly - about the bride and groom and their friends.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/04/2022 06:53

My mum had a friend like this. We didn't invite her to our wedding (we weren't close to her) so she fell out with my mum.

YABVU to imagine it's the mum's decision and VU to think they know you don't like big gatherings but expect them to guess you would like this one.

SquirrelG · 15/04/2022 07:00

I agree, it's the daughter's wedding, not your friends. I think family and friends of the bride and groom take precedence here, it doesn't matter how long you have known your friend you aren't in that circle.

VeganGod · 15/04/2022 07:01

You don’t seem to be close to the bride so why would she invite her mums friend?

HumunaHey · 15/04/2022 07:02

@EnterFunnyNameHere

I know that as my friend is the one paying for everything on the big day she will have invited other friends to the evening reception

Really? Why are you friends with someone who would think financially supporting their daughters wedding means it becomes a jolly for her friends, and not a day for the bride and groom?

Assuming this isn't a wind up or a reverse, YABVU!

Agree.
OneToThree · 15/04/2022 07:03

Don’t be so ridiculous.

Pizzadreams · 15/04/2022 07:05

Gosh. That’s so over the top. You’re never going to meet your friend again because her daughter didn’t invite you to her wedding?

That’s unbelievable. It’s her daughters choice, and it’s not about uou. But if you are willing to bin off a friendship due to this then you were never her friend in the first place.

carefullycourageous · 15/04/2022 07:06

I would not expect to be invoted to the wedding of the child of my friend. I think YABU and very unsupportive.

I do not know you so am only guessing but I wonder if the remark your friend made about you not wanting to go was made because they knew you would be arsey about it?

Don't write off a friendship over this - be happy for them.

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