Not invited to wedding of a close friend’s daughter

[Jazzaloon]

I haven’t seen my friend for a while due to Covid but knew her daughter’s wedding was to take place this April. I was never told the date or the venue and assumed that perhaps the pandemic had altered their plans. I recently had a phone call during which she revealed that the wedding was in four days’ time, explaining away the fact I obviously hadn’t been invited by saying that she didn’t think I would want to come as I didn’t like that sort of thing. True in part, that I feel awkward at such events but I have met a lot of her family socially over the years who have always been welcoming and I would have liked to attend. We have been friends for over 30 years and I feel hurt that I was never on the guest list – and by this I mean for the evening reception not the ceremony or the wedding breakfast. As the wedding was to be held at a country house hotel some miles away there wasn’t even the opportunity to see the bride as she set off from home in her dress or arrived at the register office.

I know that as my friend is the one paying for everything on the big day she will have invited other friends to the evening reception. AIBU and should I just suck it up? At the moment I don’t feel I can meet up with this friend again, especially if it is to see photos of an event I wasn’t ever going to be a part of.

The OP knows she's being ridiculous and probably won't be back. Why should your friend's dd invite you,OP? Is she your buddy?

The OP seems to have fucked straight off after making the thread but yes, YABVU.

@SleeplessInEngland

The OP seems to have fucked straight off after making the thread but yes, YABVU.

Hmm seems to be a few of them around. I'll never learn not to fall for them until I'm pages in

Presumably those other friends made more I an effort over the past 2 years. I don’t think you can blame covid for “close” friends!!

YABVU. You sound like the sort of person who manages to make everything about yourself ("I don't want to look at photos of a wedding I wasn't invited to" -- gasp, what a hardship!). Expecting the bride and groom to invite their parents' friends instead of their own is crazy.

This is mental. The bride and groom have limited numbers. Why would their parents friends be included in those?

I know this is old, Jazzaloon, but I really understand where you’re coming from. We’re from a generation where it was absolutely normal for close friends of the parents to be invited to their children’s weddings. It appears things have changed now, and couples expect to choose all their own guests - even if their parents are footing the bill.

Some of the comments here are incredibly rude and ungracious. Of course you must have felt hurt and that’s completely understandable.

It all sounds strange OP. Why would it be up to your friend who goes to her daughters wedding, you aren't her daughters friend? She probably has many guests who she would like to come but who can't because of numbers. If you are really going to throw away years of friendship over this then that is really sad.

Her daughter probably allowed her a couple of friends. Or maybe the daughter knows these friends better. Either way get over it. It's not your friends wedding so you really aren't missing out on anything special.

Our DS is getting married in April, the only couple of my ‘friends ’ who are invited also happen to be his godparents. They don’t want separate evening only guests, if they did I might expect to include a few friends, but it would be difficult to choose.
I dislike being an evening reception guest so Im grateful if Im not included.

ZOMBIE THREAD

My MIl invited as many friends to my wedding as I did but she did contribute a lot financially and in terms of help and support too. I couldn’t have done without her! I was a bit stressed about numbers (I originally wanted a small wedding but husband really wanted a big affair and it was his day too so..) so implemented a rule about only inviting people we had both at least met. This meant that actually MiL didn’t invite a couple of people I met later and actually really got on with. Your friends DD may have implemented something similar I.e no one we haven’t seen in X amount of years. For her and her Grooms sanity.

DH and I weren’t invited to the wedding of an old friend’s daughter who had been one of my bridesmaids. I felt slightly disappointed, as I enjoy weddings. There were many guests, and I would have liked to catch up with people we don’t often see. But it’s no big deal. We sent a friendly card and I enthused at the wedding photos when her mum showed them.

I didn't think inviting parents friends was that common anymore. Even when parents are paying. However, if other friends are invited then that's a bit shit. "I didn't thibk you'd want to come" is lame excuse.

Dammit. Zombie thread.didnt notice. 🧟‍♂️

Onomatopea - Saying ‘get over it’ is terribly rude. You don’t know how well the OP knew her friend’s daughter. If it’s a 30-year friendship, chances are quite well and since she was small. As the OP has said, she’d like to just wish them well on their wedding day, not necessarily attend the reception. I wouldn’t have dreamed of getting married without my parents’ closest friends being there, because I cared about them too. It’s odd that so many people here appear dismissive of their parents’ friends, and rather sad. It’s very much an Anglo thing I think - other cultures don’t make these divisions.

Anyway, it will be in the past for the OP now, and hopefully it was all resolved happily.

Why would you get them a card and especially not a present?
If you arent important enough to get an invite then surely they wont want or expect a present from you. I wouldnt be at all interested in wedding pictures either.

We ended up having a micro wedding but even when originally planning one with guests, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to invite my mum's friends. Unless you are particularly friendly with the bride herself, I really think you're expecting too much here.

When I got married a couple of years ago, we had a limit on attendees at 120 people. My mother-in-law gave us a list of 100 people she wanted to invite. These included family but also people she worked with 20 years ago, her friends from hobby clubs, her friends children and grandchildren, all her neighbours, her neighbours children and grandchildren.
She got very angry when we edited her list just down to the 15 actual relatives and actually sent invites out herself to the others. We had to spend months contacting about 80 people to tell them they were not invited and had to hire doormen for the wedding.

😵

Note the OP says nothing about her actual relationship with 'the daughter', the person getting married. Only that 'others are being invited'.
Sounds like you have no relationship with her at all so why should she invite you?

I think the explaining it away bit and glossing it over as they didn’t think you’d be interested is upsetting. And the wedding being only 4 days away. That’s a lot on a call. And doesn’t leave much time to decide about sending your wishes to the couple etc

Assuming this is not a church wedding, where anyone may attend the ceremony. As others have said, unless you had a particularly close relationship with the bride, there is no reason why you would be invited, by default.
In the "olden" days, it was a de facto that neighbours etc. would go to the church, even if not actually invited to the formal part of the day.

I'd be hurt too @Jazzaloon well, especially if other friends of brides parents have been invited.

I'd practice your boundaries by saying no to looking after the dog.

You've only responded to the one person who agreed with you!
This perhaps indicates you only hear what you want to.
Perhaps you've missed out the fact that it's the bride and groom's choices and accept gracefully you are not their choice and be a friend to your mate don't flounce off in a huff from your friendship over this.