Notice of intention to marry appointment. I think I nearly failed.

[Yissie]

I mean in fairness I didn't research what this appointment actually was, I just bought the documents the registrar said to bring. I thought it would be quite exciting going in together and signing the documents together. No no. Get to the door. One sent back to car, separate interviews.They said they were going to ask me some questions. I fell apart

They compared our answers. My fiancé had gotten my job wrong. I said my job and they said it wasn't what he answered, is there something less specific he might of put? It felt like a riddle. I kept saying last minute wedding meaning just planned last minute, we've been engaged for years. Then I realised they might think that and kept over explaining that it's not that last minute we've been together years it's nothing concerning did I make it sound concerning?! It's not rushed or anything.

She asked if I wanted to put my parents details, I said no. She said your partner did, so I agreed. I couldn't remember my dads middle name. Total mind blank. Then his job. I just kept repeating civil servant and nervously laughing. I asked her if I was doing ok and said I hope I'm not being suspicious. I am who I say I am I just don't test well. She said it wasn't a test. Anyway. She seemed to think I was insane, she gave me a pen to sign the documents and I didn't realise I'd held on to it and at the end she put her hand out and I took it and shook it, she just wanted the pen.

Overall, not the romantic if not slightly boring appointment I thought it would be. Be prepared for a less cute and slightly more stressful game of Mr and Mrs. And brush up on your parental knowledge.

DH only knew my father worked in IT doing something DH didn't really understand or remember so his answer was quite vague and I had to give a more prescriptive answer and the registrar said "is that IT then, your fiancee wasn't quite sure, just that there were computers..."

I think this is more about making sure the details that go on the marriage certificate are correct rather than testing that you answer the same as each other.

I look at historic marriage certificates sometimes for research and those are the kind of details that help you to confirm you’ve got the right person.

I was a full-time student when I got married and they suggested I put my subject rather than just ‘student’ so it was more specific. She said it’s nice to have those details for the future. It was a weird but nice thought to think of someone in hundreds of years potentially looking at my marriage certificate to try to learn more about my life!

[quote PlainJaneEyre]This is a perfectly normal thing that takes place before a wedding - yes you go in together then answer your questions separately. You are asked about him and you and YOUR parents only. This is the information that will go on your marriage certificate. He has the same. You have to prove your nationality , your status and your place of residence. It is a legal requirement.

Previously in England your mother was NOT named on your marriage certificate - only your father - how disgraceful is that so the questions about the parents are so that both are on it ( as it has been since 1855 in Scotland)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56975357[/quote]
I was expecting questions about my family - I struggle with mum's birth year but know everything esle - and had all the ID they could want.

I was even fine in the informal chat going to office and first few minutes before we supposedly started - where I grew up, what my parents did, why I was in that part of UK -work - how I met DH - university - why I was one moving - bosses were increasingly being dicks- had I met his family yes many times over 8 years.

It was the tone and the question about future FIL in formal bit - I'd already answered my Dad's bit. Future FIL middle name and date of birth aren't common bits of everyday conversation - birthdays yes and significant ages so I could ball park gusses - which wasn't good enough.

TBH we had no questions on the wedding day - and DH had no question for his bit. I just wasn't expecting the accusatory tone and such obscure information about FIL.

I did wonder if there was some bet that should could get me to ring DH - which I had to do there and then in front of her - luckily he did pick up straight away.

England - Surrey 19 years ago British from British parents marrying British with British parents - very straight forward both late 20's.

This has been interesting reading.
I married in England in a register office over 26 years ago and my appointment was not like this at all!

I'm American and I was the only one who went to the appointment as my English fiancé couldn't get the time off. I just turned in our paperwork, which included my fiancée visa stamp in my passport and that was it.

My new husband and I had to attend an appointment together at the Home Office after the wedding to change my visa from fiancé to spousal visa but even then we just showed paperwork and signed forms.

I was sort of disappointed that it was all so dull. We prepared ourselves for an Andie McDowell/Gerard Depardieu interrogation like in the 1990 film (it was 1996, after all) "Green Card". Go figure.

We had to answer all the questions but we were actually in the same room when we did it. The fact that we were both getting on a bit (50s/60s) helped a bit I think! Also perhaps that I had arranged it very quickly, and when I was trying to arrange it I had told the person I was speaking to that my mother had been given a diagnosis of terminal cancer and was not likely to live longer than a month, so we wanted to do it before she died. It was all arranged and done within 3 weeks. We were very lucky. My husband forgot a few things and looked at me blankly a few times, but I didn't give him the answers. I didn't forget anything of course.... 😁. We had been together 10 years by then.

@Calennig we had no questions about each other's parents. Nothing about where I grew up or any of those extra questions you were asked. As you say though this was 19 YEARS ago - things have changed since then. Mine was a couple of months ago.

@PlainJaneEyre I never said my experience was universal - in fact I said despite knowing people at time - and incidental before and after - who's circumstances were much more complex than ours they didn't get questioned like this.

In fact that's why I found it so odd and so out the ordinary.

I'm clearly not alone in that either - many on this thread have had similar odd experiences - possibly down to area or just who the registrar was or just because.

I also said twice DH experience was very differnet and that was for the same wedding just different area of UK.

Just because your experience was more mundane doesn't mean mine did happen or OP, more recent experience than yours, wasn't what she expected.

Clearly some registrars sometimes are asking more questions than expected and/or have a adversarial tone to their interviews. Something you clearly didn't have to experience.

The point remains that things that happened 26 and 19 years ago are not relevant to the OP who is asking about now. It's good entertainment though.

Oh, I got married for the second time 10 years ago and it was like playtime with the KGB/the Hell version of Mr & Mrs (for anyone who remembers that)

I was seriously scared that husband to be would completely blow the whole thing, even though we were really quite old, both British and it was all very genuine.

Get married in Australia. I literally filled in a form which pretty much covered that we weren’t related or already married then we got it signed at the local police station (no appointment, just walked in and the guy at the desk signed it). Sent it off with birth certificates, etc and all done. I can’t believe having an interview is actually a thing! I thought it was just something from movies!

Oh god we practiced for days and then I forgot DH’s job, I could explain what he did but not what it was called. I kept expecting Lionel Blair to appear doing hand gestures.

@SoggyPaper

It's to stop sham marriages and forced marriages both of which are good enough reasons to do it.

I would sincerely doubt that asking couples each other’s names, dates of birth and occupation is effective in this. Especially when so many people get the answers wrong. And you can look up many people’s occupations on LinkedIn.

This stuff is easy enough to drill into someone before an appointment. I suspect it’s purely a pretext to talk to the couple separately. But one that’s probably not very effective.

It’s not like forced or sham marriages is a greater issue in Scotland than England, despite the lack of the interrogation. If my sister’s experience is anything to go by, the home office have their own processed for investigating when you marry (for example) an Algerian.

It's more about the way the answers are given than the actual content. Plenty of long-married couples forget dates or middle names, but it's still obvious that they know each other. With some people though, it becomes obvious very quickly that they've never met before.

@PlainJaneEyre

The point remains that things that happened 26 and 19 years ago are not relevant to the OP who is asking about now. It's good entertainment though.

I don't think you've understood my point at all.

Yup I did @Calennig.

The only thing I remember is we had to pay £20 (deposit or something? I don't know) and my now husband nodded towards me and said to her "it's amazing how much you can get for twenty quid"

(I'm a fatty)

I pissed myself laughing and after a split second of total shock, so did the registrar.

costs £70 bloody quid mow!

Don’t feel bad- I couldn’t remember all of my husband’s middle names and then got his birth year wrong!!! Hahaha!

Ours were posted in. Neither of us saw the registrar until the actual day. We weren't asked any of this

Nor me. I've been married twice - first time in church and second in register office. We didn't have to talk to the vicar and didn't see the registrar till the day of the wedding. Nobody asked us anything beyond what was required to do the booking, and that was over the phone.
My dd got married last year and again, none of this. All arranged over the phone and a couple of documents signed and returned by post.
It all sounds very strange to me!!

I can’t believe having an interview is actually a thing! I thought it was just something from movies!

I live in the UK and I've never heard of this type of carry-on either. Nobody I know has had to do this. Or if they have, they didn't mention it. Which sounds unlikely tbh

It is defo a thing but depends on councils as to how they do it. We had separate ‘interviews’ and random questions asked like where did we meet, what does your fiancé do as employment etc etc.

On the day of my wedding the registrar asked if all details were correct, they weren’t the address was wrong but I was so scared of not being able to get married I just lied, my husband didn’t even notice.

We were quite excited about ours and agreed to make a bit of occasion of it as part of the wedding build up. The appointment was in the morning and was in the school hols (dh and I are both teachers) and we picked somewhere for a nice lunch afterwards. Anyway DH's dad left his mum during pregnancy. His name isn't on DH's birth certificate and he has never laid eyes on him. His mum had told him his dad's name but there is nothing official to say this man is his father. At our notice of intention to marry meeting the registrar put quite a lot of pressure on DH to use this name on our marriage certificate even though it's not on his birth certificate and he's had absolutely no involvement in his life. DH stood his ground but came out of the appointment feeling quite upset. It was difficult.

I got married in england a couple of years ago and never had this?

It was a church wedding, we did however need to attend a "preparing for marriage course" so maybe the vicar sniffs out fakes that way. Although even then it wasnt personal qs

How long has this been going on? We got married over 30 years ago and DH went to get our marriage licence (to get married in RC church) while I was at work. He just needed both our birth certificates.

www.surreycc.gov.uk/birth-death-and-ceremonies/ceremonies/your-wedding/plan/book-your-appointment

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou

How long has this been going on? We got married over 30 years ago and DH went to get our marriage licence (to get married in RC church) while I was at work. He just needed both our birth certificates.

Did you get married in Scotland? None of this applies to Scottish marriages.