Notice of intention to marry appointment. I think I nearly failed.

[Yissie]

I mean in fairness I didn't research what this appointment actually was, I just bought the documents the registrar said to bring. I thought it would be quite exciting going in together and signing the documents together. No no. Get to the door. One sent back to car, separate interviews.They said they were going to ask me some questions. I fell apart

They compared our answers. My fiancé had gotten my job wrong. I said my job and they said it wasn't what he answered, is there something less specific he might of put? It felt like a riddle. I kept saying last minute wedding meaning just planned last minute, we've been engaged for years. Then I realised they might think that and kept over explaining that it's not that last minute we've been together years it's nothing concerning did I make it sound concerning?! It's not rushed or anything.

She asked if I wanted to put my parents details, I said no. She said your partner did, so I agreed. I couldn't remember my dads middle name. Total mind blank. Then his job. I just kept repeating civil servant and nervously laughing. I asked her if I was doing ok and said I hope I'm not being suspicious. I am who I say I am I just don't test well. She said it wasn't a test. Anyway. She seemed to think I was insane, she gave me a pen to sign the documents and I didn't realise I'd held on to it and at the end she put her hand out and I took it and shook it, she just wanted the pen.

Overall, not the romantic if not slightly boring appointment I thought it would be. Be prepared for a less cute and slightly more stressful game of Mr and Mrs. And brush up on your parental knowledge.

I got told similar at my passport interview. I was achingly bad at the questions grin

Oh, the questions about my father were intense.

'I don't know. My mother wouldn't tell me anything. I'd guess he was about the same age as her, give or take twenty years'.

and then finding out that I'd been initially registered under a different name - turned out that was because he registered the birth of his son three days later with his wife and it was hastily 'corrected' when the poor bloody woman got told 'oh, congratulations on your twins -- a boy AND a girl' was - interesting.

'Well, that explains why I've always failed to pass security checks when I've applied to the Civil Service, then, as they've asked if I've ever been known as any other name and I've said no' seemed to be good enough for them to approve my ID.

Bet that wouldn't fly these days, though. Hostile environment and all.

@ThatPosterIsSoRight

What are you talking about? Are you in England? Is this when one spouse-to-be is from another country?

We had this, in England, 10 years ago. DH is Welsh though so maybe they were just really cracking down on immigration 😂

DH forgot my birthday when asked. The registrar made him sit awkwardly thinking for a full 2 minutes before sighing and just asking me to tell her. My dad was deceased but they still wanted his job title. Which I knew, but the registrar deemed it obscure and just put civil servant instead. They weren't bothered about mum's job even though she was (and is!) still alive.

This is hilarious!

And it makes me so glad that DH and I (we are from different countries) got married in a third, completely different country! We just went to the courthouse and filled in a firm. I think we were told we could get married by a judge then and there if we wanted but we had already arranged for a friend to become ordained (?) to legally marry us.

Although, the questions and paperwork we have had to do since then for immigration……

My husband got his own birthdate wrong at his. I got it right…

My DH didn’t know my middle name. The registrar kept giving him clues. “It begins with C”. “No, Ca”. He gave up in the end. 🙄

I don't know how I feel about this. Is this practice regulated by law or is this just a custom and the bureaucrats have blown it out of proportion? I can understand asking about marital status and whether or not you are related because those conditions affect the legal status of the marriage but your occupation does not. Legal name and birthdate also relate to establishing one's identity but why is it an examination, especially if you are in possession of substantiating documents. Why does the registrar have to be convinced as to the validity of the relationship? It's a free country, people can get married on a whim if they want. Who is the government to decide if that's a good idea or not?

I had this a few months ago. I couldn’t remember his birthday! I got the month right, but I got the day wrong thrice. I had to get my phone out and check. He was in the hallway outside and could hear me being an idiot, so was cracking up. THIS DID NOT HELP! 😂

@Boxowine

I don't know how I feel about this. Is this practice regulated by law or is this just a custom and the bureaucrats have blown it out of proportion? I can understand asking about marital status and whether or not you are related because those conditions affect the legal status of the marriage but your occupation does not. Legal name and birthdate also relate to establishing one's identity but why is it an examination, especially if you are in possession of substantiating documents. Why does the registrar have to be convinced as to the validity of the relationship? It's a free country, people can get married on a whim if they want. Who is the government to decide if that's a good idea or not?

Another married in Scotland poster here. I've never even heard of this.

Oh OP, you've given me a real chuckle.

My DH got stuff wrong, when it was my turn, I scratched my head and said "he said what?!" Mainly to do with my job title and father but he got mixed up when asked if we were related and said yes then changed his answer. We're not related!

My DH panics in situations like that too.

@Boxowine

I don't know how I feel about this. Is this practice regulated by law or is this just a custom and the bureaucrats have blown it out of proportion? I can understand asking about marital status and whether or not you are related because those conditions affect the legal status of the marriage but your occupation does not. Legal name and birthdate also relate to establishing one's identity but why is it an examination, especially if you are in possession of substantiating documents. Why does the registrar have to be convinced as to the validity of the relationship? It's a free country, people can get married on a whim if they want. Who is the government to decide if that's a good idea or not?

Exactly Nanny state

Awwww op bless you sounds stressful xx

This is a perfectly normal thing that takes place before a wedding - yes you go in together then answer your questions separately. You are asked about him and you and YOUR parents only. This is the information that will go on your marriage certificate. He has the same. You have to prove your nationality , your status and your place of residence. It is a legal requirement.

Previously in England your mother was NOT named on your marriage certificate - only your father - how disgraceful is that so the questions about the parents are so that both are on it ( as it has been since 1855 in Scotland)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56975357

I didn't know this was even a thing

[quote PlainJaneEyre]This is a perfectly normal thing that takes place before a wedding - yes you go in together then answer your questions separately. You are asked about him and you and YOUR parents only. This is the information that will go on your marriage certificate. He has the same. You have to prove your nationality , your status and your place of residence. It is a legal requirement.

Previously in England your mother was NOT named on your marriage certificate - only your father - how disgraceful is that so the questions about the parents are so that both are on it ( as it has been since 1855 in Scotland)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56975357[/quote]
This thread makes it sound as though very different questions are being asked?

DH is eastern European and at the time didn't have UK citizenship and they went HARD on us. Mother's maiden names, star signs etc. I knew it all (because I'm nosey and have a good memory) but I think DH missed a few answers. They still let us get married though!

Yes, when they asked if we were related DH said "I don't think so but no one really knows". WTF?!?

I got my own birthday wrong, I didn't know DH job (he works in the same company!) and I forgot my parents middle names
They still let us get married

I just tried DH. He got two words of my job title. I got one word and the place. We win.

Immigration once sent us a letter turning me down based on our relationship not being 'serious or long lasting'. Reader, we have now been together 18 years. I do feel like sending them anniversary cards every year.

@Moody123

I got my own birthday wrong, I didn't know DH job (he works in the same company!) and I forgot my parents middle names They still let us get married

I got my birthday and DHs job wrong too! I mean, how does that even happen?! (The birthday thing?!) Our registrar was a bloody awful woman who made me cry too.

Is this really standard practice now for two British-born people? 😵 We were married two decades ago in England - not questioned separately, we just sat together and were asked the basic questions about ourselves and the parents’ details required on the certificate.

Oh I had this with XH. I assumed it was because I was foreign.

They asked me what street he lived on and I'd only been the once (we always stayed at mine) and it was a super Welsh street name and I swear I started correctly and then just made up random words .. "It's 14 Cae Pen Pant Rhys Daffodil Lane". I was so flustered.

My friend was a registrar. He did marriages, civil partnerships and citizenships. He loved it. But he did get cases where it was clear the bride and groom didn't even seem to know each other and then he was obliged to refuse to marry them. So maybe its quite obvious when people are in genuine relationships and when they're not. A bit like the police develop a good radar for when people are not being truthful.

@EmmaH2022

I am flummoxed I didn't know this was a thing

How ridicuous.

It's to stop sham marriages and forced marriages both of which are good enough reasons to do it.

Marrying a British (and until recently and possibly now EU) citizen gives a non EU citizen rights.

Who is the government to decide if that's a good idea or not?

If you are happy to have teenagers forced to get married to older relatives or for an illegal immigrant to pay someone to marry them.

I forgot my own birthday at ours....

Friends have said their interviews when giving notice were equally as awkward.

We got married in a church (not religious but everyone in my family has been married therr so I wanted to) and it was lovely. No interviews, no doing things separately, just having a nice cup of tea with the vicar and filling in some forms.