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Original poster

Notice of intention to marry appointment. I think I nearly failed.

183 replies

Yissie · 13/04/2022 21:21

I mean in fairness I didn't research what this appointment actually was, I just bought the documents the registrar said to bring. I thought it would be quite exciting going in together and signing the documents together. No no. Get to the door. One sent back to car, separate interviews.They said they were going to ask me some questions. I fell apart Grin

They compared our answers. My fiancé had gotten my job wrong. I said my job and they said it wasn't what he answered, is there something less specific he might of put? It felt like a riddle. I kept saying last minute wedding meaning just planned last minute, we've been engaged for years. Then I realised they might think that and kept over explaining that it's not that last minute we've been together years it's nothing concerning did I make it sound concerning?! It's not rushed or anything.

She asked if I wanted to put my parents details, I said no. She said your partner did, so I agreed. I couldn't remember my dads middle name. Total mind blank. Then his job. I just kept repeating civil servant and nervously laughing. I asked her if I was doing ok and said I hope I'm not being suspicious. I am who I say I am I just don't test well. She said it wasn't a test. Anyway. She seemed to think I was insane, she gave me a pen to sign the documents and I didn't realise I'd held on to it and at the end she put her hand out and I took it and shook it, she just wanted the pen.

Overall, not the romantic if not slightly boring appointment I thought it would be. Be prepared for a less cute and slightly more stressful game of Mr and Mrs. And brush up on your parental knowledge.

OP posts:
Bb16103 · 13/04/2022 21:52

I did exactly this! My husband at the time was in a dual role at work & I gave the details of the original position he signed up for, he gave the newer part of the role but it was easily explained. Same for dads job, I said something about utilities manager but on the wedding day interview told them he managed a team of electricians (both true but not the same as what I’d initially stated)
They were fine about it, & we even cracked a joke about how am I supposed to know my dads job when he’s so absent that he wasn’t there on the day to walk me down the aisle.
They’re nice people I thought & are used to nerves.
I hope you have a fantastic wedding!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/04/2022 21:54

Christ. They're going to ask DP about my family? He wouldn't have a clue, the living ones being utter arseholes and not part of my life in any shape or form.

I suppose at least I know his family. And I think he knows my job - he can definitely say where it is, as he goes past it on his way to work on the bus.

Oh well, not likely to be happening any time soon - suppose I could brief him on them at some point, assuming he'd remember any of it.

ThatPosterIsSoRight · 13/04/2022 21:54

What are you talking about? Are you in England? Is this when one spouse-to-be is from another country?

ShowOfHands · 13/04/2022 21:56

Blimey, DH and I went in together and we only answered a couple of questions.

FloraPostePosts · 13/04/2022 21:57

@ThatPosterIsSoRight

What are you talking about? Are you in England? Is this when one spouse-to-be is from another country?
Mine was in England, both of us born here. It’s to guard against fake marriages for immigration purposes, or to give women the chance to tell the registrar in private if it’s a forced marriage.

It’s a good thing, if slightly terrifying!

ScoobyGrew · 13/04/2022 21:58

You would just say that you didn't have a relationship with them @NeverDropYourMooncup . Then your answers would match and they will ask him about other things instead.

PattyMelt · 13/04/2022 21:58

I had no idea that they do this in the UK. I'm glad I got married in the US, Full name, date of birth, and have you ever been married before. That's all we were asked and we were together.

ThatPosterIsSoRight · 13/04/2022 21:58

We didn’t have this when I got married, 12 years ago. Definitely not seen separately anyway.

Neverreturntoathread · 13/04/2022 21:59

We had a church wedding. I don’t remember any questions like those. But the vicar did demand to know of my fiance (a) why it had taken him a decade to propose to me and (b) was I pregnant (I wasn’t). It was soooooo much fun watching my fiance squirm.

QuebecBagnet · 13/04/2022 21:59

I’ve been married over 20 years and still no idea what dh’s job title is!

MsAwesomeDragon · 13/04/2022 21:59

DH forgot my middle name. I forgot his birthday. We both had decent guesses and eventually got it right. Stupid thing is, my middle name is his mum's name AND our dd's name. He thought it couldn't possibly be that because there's no way we've got that many people called the same thing.

Original poster
Yissie · 13/04/2022 21:59

Yes the are you marrying of your own free will question amused me at the time, I said I hoped my fiancé had said yes and at that point started internally telling myself to shut the hell up.

But definitely see the need for such questions and it is good that it's asked and women are given an opportunity to get help.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yissie · 13/04/2022 22:00

@MsAwesomeDragon

DH forgot my middle name. I forgot his birthday. We both had decent guesses and eventually got it right. Stupid thing is, my middle name is his mum's name AND our dd's name. He thought it couldn't possibly be that because there's no way we've got that many people called the same thing.
That really made me laugh Grin
OP posts:
ScoobyGrew · 13/04/2022 22:01

@ThatPosterIsSoRight

We didn’t have this when I got married, 12 years ago. Definitely not seen separately anyway.

I've been married twenty one years and we had it.

Original poster
Yissie · 13/04/2022 22:01

Both English yes! How odd that some people have had similar and others so different. Did we look dodgy so got referred for additional questioning? Grin

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 13/04/2022 22:03

I am never sure of DH's job title but they just laughed and asked him

Firefliess · 13/04/2022 22:03

I was surprised by how detailed and serious that appointment is too. And I'd never realised you had to do that until we turned to for it tbh. DH nearly screwed it up by telling them we were related - we had both been getting into ancestry research at the time and only related via some knight in the 12th century!

Original poster
Yissie · 13/04/2022 22:05

@Firefliess

I was surprised by how detailed and serious that appointment is too. And I'd never realised you had to do that until we turned to for it tbh. DH nearly screwed it up by telling them we were related - we had both been getting into ancestry research at the time and only related via some knight in the 12th century!
😂😂😂
OP posts:
ExplodingCarrots · 13/04/2022 22:05

First question they asked DH was the date of our wedding and he went blank 😂 apparently the lady laughed and said 'well that's a good start'

Thatswhyimacat · 13/04/2022 22:08

Because of covid, we did ours together. He had to go first and get all the answers wrong and then I got a perfect score from repeating all the correct ones Grin

KyieveMii · 13/04/2022 22:08

Funnily we aren’t British by birth, and only one of us even had a passport at the time… but no separate interviews.

Hopspinach · 13/04/2022 22:11

I almost failed at the most basic question "what is your fiance's name?". Because he comes from a country where there's a national version, a Russian version, an international version, and a diminutive of his name , and he uses them all in different contexts. Think Pavel, Pavlo, Pasha and Paul. So when I was asked his name I got really befuddled.

RewildingAmbridge · 13/04/2022 22:11

They asked me what DHs dad does for work and I said oh I'm not really sure something to do with IT but not computers, the woman laughed and said I shouldn't say this but your fiance said something very similar but looked more bewildered 😁

ikeepseeingit · 13/04/2022 22:12

I forgot my husband's birthday when we went 😂 I also expected us to be going in together and for it to be cute and romantic 😅 He was standing outside the room listening to my blunder instead lol

Thursday37 · 13/04/2022 22:12

We had to do it, we started off together then had to do a couple of minutes on our own each. But it was really quick. I was expecting it so had rehearsed and probably sounded really dodgy for being overly accurate. This was 2014, we’re both British.
I think some registrars are more subtle so some people might not have noticed it in the same way and Covid has changed the process too.