Page 9 | IABU - anger over new neighbours

OnTheGoAlways · 2022-04-13T17:10:53+00:00

I know I'm being unreasonable, I know I sound awful, and even my right leaning Mother told me off. We live in a private rented semi-detached 3 bedroom house which costs 70% of my shitty wage. I am in situation after leaving a violent relationship over 300 miles away. I was homeless, but It never occurred to me to join a social housing register, we needed somewhere to live so I worked hard and found somewhere. I am burnt out, grumpy, envious, bitter...basically all round ugly. I went back to uni and got a PG degree, I have a shitty car which needs multiple repairs. It's booked in for a service on Saturday which I can't afford so will cancel tomorrow. My children run around in clothes with holes or too small..I work full time, house is freezing..I've stopped showering, haven't done since Sunday (and that was at public pool) because of costs. I didn't realise next door was a council house, there had been an elderly man living there who recently died. Council have painted, cleaned, re-carpeted...now a new family are here. They drive a huge brand new car. And I am so angry I could cry. I know this is displaced...I just needed to vent.

Boaby · 13/04/2022 23:40

We sold our house back to the council (was a council house about 30 years ago, had been privately owned since then) and I found out from our old neighbours the council re-carpeted the whole house, new kitchen, bathroom & boiler. Even though we’d just had a new boiler put in 5 months before we moved.

Tigertigertigertiger · 13/04/2022 23:42

Yanbu

It sucks
I spoke to a (very lovely ) man at work today who is unemployed and has a council house and is getting a new kitchen, bathroom and carpets . He doesn’t have to contribute a penny

glinner4prez · 13/04/2022 23:50

Where I live there's a maximum threshold for what you can earn before you're allowed to apply for social housing (Republic of Ireland). One of my neighbours is being asked to leave by her landlord but has been told by her local councillor that her partner earns slightly too much to get a social house. Even if she was on the list, the average wait is 9 years. She has two small children. Average rents here are 1700 euro pcm so is unattainable for her. She can maybe try and claim housing assistance payment but basically she's screwed. Housing is incredibly difficult for people just over the threshold of pay or needs but who are not very high earners. It's incredibly tough.

TheBigFatMermaid · 13/04/2022 23:51

Maybe the trick is to stop paying my rent, save the money, then get housed by the council

Do NOT do this. You will be considered to have made yourself intentionally homeless and will get no help at all.

Abitofalark · 13/04/2022 23:58

@OnTheGoAlways

Myself, lack of housing, my low wages even though I'm in a professional environment in higher education surrounded by middle class, my landlord for constantly choosing to have repairs done by a bloke she knows (I had to finish painting and sealing the bathroom after his last visit), the fact the Father's are allowed to pay a shitty sum of £80 a week for 2 kids and refuse to engage with solicitors, cost of living, the fact that I Worked so hard for PG degree to then work so hard in a fucking job to be able to stand in a cold house, then drive a shit car In the red to work. And then there's next door...

I can't read this anymore. I'm alive, I'm able-bodied, I have a job, I should be grateful.

I know you're having it tough and I hope posting here is a first step to feeling a little better and a little less alone. One step leads to another. Small steps maybe, but still...

Any scope to raise your wages? Work extra hours? Could you do something self-employed connected to the education field in which you work, for extra earnings? Private tuition for example. Or set up as a consultant of some sort connected to education, even initially as a side line? Start something online on a topic on which you have knowledge, experience or ideas - a blog or website? Use your current position in the education environment to make a switch into local or regional government on the education side, for better pay and conditions? Do you have any hobby or artistic or craft skills that you could earn a bit from?

You do sound to me like a strong and capable person, albeit worn down and angry with everything. And you probably have plenty of potential to do other things, even though your situation is not easy.

Angrymum22 · 14/04/2022 00:14

Vent away, OP. Life is pretty shit at the moment. It’s hard seeing others having what appears to be an easy time when you are struggling.
I’m not struggling financially but having had breast cancer treatment and still recovering DH had a stroke a month ago. He is on course for a full recovery but it’s like living with a stranger. I long to come home and be greeted by my husband but instead I’m faced by this bloke who looks like my husband but just isn’t. I lost it with him tonight and feel so guilty.
It’s ok to feel totally irrational about your new neighbours when you are just worn out and facing what seems to be a long road of same old same old.
I have no words of wisdom. I don’t think you are being unreasonable.
Vent as much as you want, probably like me everyone thinks you are doing fine because the face you present to your real life world is your “fine” one. On mn you can be as unreasonable as you want.

Patchbatch · 14/04/2022 01:33

I wonder if this resentment/tension will become more common. Not necessarily between in work/out work, but for anyone experiencing increasing hardship as the focus on wages/haves/have not becomes magnified. I'm going to lay off the news/mumsnet and put my head down

Yes probably, I'm sure bitter, judgemental and ignorant people will start throwing shade at their neighbours instead of directing it toward the government that had made this mess. I know you're venting but you have had 7 years to look into getting on the social housing list, you have no clue about your neighbours and you're misdirecting your ire.

Original poster

OnTheGoAlways · 14/04/2022 06:11

you had 7 years to look into getting a social house....I didn't realise anyone could apply, I thought there was strict criteria, like having a disability or illness that prohibited a person from working and so heavily subsidised housing was a necessity. Or any life circumstance which prohibited a person from working. And I know some people have said what's the car got to do with it...my car is a huge source of worry, although we are close to Edinburgh there is a very sporadic bus service here, and to get to the city takes over an hour, I couldn't get to work unless I took 2 buses. I have to be at office at 9. I've been looking at a new car for weeks and just don't know how I can afford it.

As I said, I've been naive. And if I was happy in myself, if I was earning enough, or even subsidised enough myself, instead of sitting in the dark eating my breakfast on hardly any sleep, I wouldn't have even given next door a second thought. I know how I'm feeling is a reflection of me.

OP posts:

Mumofsend · 14/04/2022 06:51

@OnTheGoAlways

you had 7 years to look into getting a social house....I didn't realise anyone could apply, I thought there was strict criteria, like having a disability or illness that prohibited a person from working and so heavily subsidised housing was a necessity. Or any life circumstance which prohibited a person from working. And I know some people have said what's the car got to do with it...my car is a huge source of worry, although we are close to Edinburgh there is a very sporadic bus service here, and to get to the city takes over an hour, I couldn't get to work unless I took 2 buses. I have to be at office at 9. I've been looking at a new car for weeks and just don't know how I can afford it.

As I said, I've been naive. And if I was happy in myself, if I was earning enough, or even subsidised enough myself, instead of sitting in the dark eating my breakfast on hardly any sleep, I wouldn't have even given next door a second thought. I know how I'm feeling is a reflection of me.

That is no one else's fault that you assumed you wouldn't be eligible. The likes of CAB etc all reiterate consistently to check entitlements rather than assume.

Billandben444 · 14/04/2022 07:28

Just coming on to send you a hug and a big pat on the back - you've done so well for your little family and should be proud. I know this doesn't pay for car repairs but didn't want to read and run 💐

AchillesPoirot · 14/04/2022 07:33

@OnTheGoAlways

you had 7 years to look into getting a social house....I didn't realise anyone could apply, I thought there was strict criteria, like having a disability or illness that prohibited a person from working and so heavily subsidised housing was a necessity. Or any life circumstance which prohibited a person from working. And I know some people have said what's the car got to do with it...my car is a huge source of worry, although we are close to Edinburgh there is a very sporadic bus service here, and to get to the city takes over an hour, I couldn't get to work unless I took 2 buses. I have to be at office at 9. I've been looking at a new car for weeks and just don't know how I can afford it.

As I said, I've been naive. And if I was happy in myself, if I was earning enough, or even subsidised enough myself, instead of sitting in the dark eating my breakfast on hardly any sleep, I wouldn't have even given next door a second thought. I know how I'm feeling is a reflection of me.

Social housing isn’t heavily subsidised.

It’s on you to have found out though. You could’ve even just googled.

RussianSpy101 · 14/04/2022 08:45

@whyohehy how do you know they aren’t “working very hard and paying taxes” to pay for their car? Do you know OPs neighbours personally?
Also, you pay taxes whether you work hard at your job or not. You could be very mediocre at work and you’d still pay tax. How hard you work is completely irrelevant.

whyohehy · 14/04/2022 08:48

@RussianSpy101 you think people actually declare their taxes? You've missed my point completely!

RussianSpy101 · 14/04/2022 09:39

@whyohehy well you’re claiming to! Or are you the martyr of the UK?
I haven’t missed “the point” (couldn’t find one)
You are assuming these people don’t work because they’re in a council house. I can’t work out if you’re thick or naive, or both.

whyohehy · 14/04/2022 09:48

@RussianSpy101 I've already said that I work hard and pay my taxes. I'm just pointing out that many people in society (not just those in council assisted housing) don't pay tax. I think it would be naive to think that everyone in society fairly follows the 'rules'. Just look at our own government as individuals for an example. The OP has a right to look at the brand new car in the driveway next door and wonder what is going on as it doesn't fit with the idea that her neighbours require assisted housing. You weaken your argument with the personal attacks, this is a debate and so you don't need to fling personal comments at me simply because you don't agree with my point of view.

Samcro · 14/04/2022 09:50

i would have had sympathy with the op if this had not become such a council/SH bash.
people live in SH for lots of reasons. not always because they are poor or out of work.
we do as we have a severely disabled child(now adult). we also have a shiney motobilty car.
just the kind of people the op would throw shade on.

Samcro · 14/04/2022 09:51

oh and we pay rent. its not free

RussianSpy101 · 14/04/2022 10:07

@whyohehy you are making assumptions about people in council housing.

They don’t work
If they do work, they don’t declare their taxes.

Of course not everyone follows the rules, but not everyone assumes people in a council house don’t work and therefore can’t afford a nice car!

whyohehy · 14/04/2022 10:15

@RussianSpy101 I have said "many people in society". I've not targeted people in social housing and in fact my example has been focused on government ministers.

myteethwerefine · 14/04/2022 10:22

@Samcro

i would have had sympathy with the op if this had not become such a council/SH bash. people live in SH for lots of reasons. not always because they are poor or out of work. we do as we have a severely disabled child(now adult). we also have a shiney motobilty car. just the kind of people the op would throw shade on.

Exactly the above. And so it begins. The inevitable attacking of those in council houses/SH, on benefits and which will end up including the sick and the disabled and most vulnerable (because not every disability is visible). This instead of attacking those privileged people in power, you know, like the current chancellor who has 12 homes along with his millions. Yet the op is choosing to direct her anger at the people in the house next door she knows absolutely nothing about due to their mythical glowing 4×4, the new beacon of the scrounger. If I was a cynical cow who'd seen the deliberate smearing and demonising of those on welfare by the tories before I might even start to wonder if this was a cleverly put together post by Tory HQ themselves. Get the plebs arguing over the scant resources while we continue hoarding the majority of the wealth. If Rishi and co do it well enough we'll be so busy fighting over the last loaf of bread in the supermarket we won't have noticed they've run off with our rights, our power and our ability to live a comfortable life without choosing between heating and eating. Op you're either RIshi's PR or you're a fool who's fallen for it. Either way you are propagating a dangerous and poisonous narrative.

worriedatthistime · 14/04/2022 10:40

Really !! Its very very rare for a council to provide carpets , some paint but many do not unless in a bad way
Maybe they have a mobility car, just because you never applied for an ha house thats on you

Lovemusic33 · 14/04/2022 10:45

When we moved in we were given carpet upstairs but not downstairs, apparently it’s rare that they supply carpet but the previous tenants left the floors in such a bad condition that they needed to put carpet down to hide what ever condition the floorboards are underneath 😬

Samcro · 14/04/2022 10:45

@myteethwerefine really good post.

worriedatthistime · 14/04/2022 10:48

Its understandable though to feel hard done by are you sure you are getting al the help you are entitled
Maybe on the scotsnet board people may know the system better ?

RedHelenB · 14/04/2022 11:14

@OnTheGoAlways

I'm trying to pull us up, I'm spending my evenings just now accessing free CPD courses, I have asked for a fee waiver for a course at work.

How can I ever afford secure housing for us. This is just ridiculous, I've actually allowed myself to get to a point where I'm jealous and angry at a family for accessing social housing. Honestly fml.

Put your name on the list now.