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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU - anger over new neighbours

225 replies

OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 18:10

I know I'm being unreasonable, I know I sound awful, and even my right leaning Mother told me off.

We live in a private rented semi-detached 3 bedroom house which costs 70% of my shitty wage. I am in situation after leaving a violent relationship over 300 miles away. I was homeless, but It never occurred to me to join a social housing register, we needed somewhere to live so I worked hard and found somewhere.

I am burnt out, grumpy, envious, bitter...basically all round ugly. I went back to uni and got a PG degree, I have a shitty car which needs multiple repairs. It's booked in for a service on Saturday which I can't afford so will cancel tomorrow. My children run around in clothes with holes or too small..I work full time, house is freezing..I've stopped showering, haven't done since Sunday (and that was at public pool) because of costs.

I didn't realise next door was a council house, there had been an elderly man living there who recently died.

Council have painted, cleaned, re-carpeted...now a new family are here. They drive a huge brand new car. And I am so angry I could cry. I know this is displaced...I just needed to vent.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 21:28

My Nanna lives in a flat in Edinburgh, a good area, and I would happily look after her, but I think she would struggle with the noise we create (my youngest has tourettes and some behavioural challenges).

I'm going to see if I csn book a CAB appointment. Maybe I could talk to a bank about what I need to be doing to apply for mortgage or shared equity. I need up my Knowledge.

OP posts:
Rewis · 13/04/2022 21:29

I've stopped showering, haven't done since Sunday

And...this is bad...? Asking for a friend.

No, but seriously. You have misplaced your anger Lome you admit. Time to sit down and search for all the systems in place and see what you are entitled to and what changes you can make. Good luck!

Original poster
OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 21:32

Given the state of accessing secure housing, why are people Still able to buy social housing ? Do the LA then replace the bought house ? I don't think they do do they!

OP posts:
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 13/04/2022 21:35

Definitely phone CAB, but don't be surprised if there's not a lot they can help you with. Edinburgh CAB stopped doing welfare and benefits work years ago because they didn't have enough qualified staff to meet the huge upsurge in demand post the switch to UC.

If it's benefits and housing advice, your LA should have their own in-house 'advice shop' that you can book an appointment with. They are obviously Council-run, but in my experience they are extremely knowledgeable and helpful, more so than CAB who can be a bit hit-or-miss depending on the particular expertise of the volunteer who is meeting with you.

You will absolutely be able to apply for LA housing in your current circumstances. Job situation isn't relevant, working and non-working people are treated the same. You will not get homeless priority because they will consider you adequately housed at the moment, but you can still go on the waiting list and bid for properties.

Greyarea12 · 13/04/2022 21:36

I get where you are coming from.

I live in a housing association flat. I got it through a mutual exchange where my original house was council. The housing association re-paint every single house APART from a mutual exchange .. therefore my flat was an absolute shithole (like you I was escaping DA and desperate to move) and I when I see them painting every house that a tenant leaves (before a new one moves in) it slightly enrages me. I have literally broke my back having the paint this flat top to bottom.

VyeBrator · 13/04/2022 21:38

What is the problem with them having a new car? Are you assuming because they're in a council house they're on benefits or something??

whyohehy · 13/04/2022 21:38

@MsPavlichenko

I am astonished that they have decorated and put in new carpets and not sure how you know this?

No idea what your neighbour’s choice of car has to do with anything either. Yes, yabu.

Because it indicates spare cash. Likely because their housing is cheaper. It indicates that they are probably not on the breadline because their housing is partially funded by the taxes that I pay from working very very hard. That's what the car 'has to do with anything'.
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 13/04/2022 21:38

@OnTheGoAlways

Given the state of accessing secure housing, why are people Still able to buy social housing ? Do the LA then replace the bought house ? I don't think they do do they!
Right to buy was, thankfully, revoked in Scotland years ago.
Unocard · 13/04/2022 21:41

I think the social housing system is so messed up. I know lots of people who were given lifetime tenancies when they were on their arses, then within a year or so they had a new partner, or a promotion etc and now enjoy the cheap rent with huge disposable income - whilst others sleep in b&b’s waiting for a house to come available.

It should be a support system for those who need it and then the houses need to start being handed back. You were helped when you were down - now pass it on to whoever needs it next. There’s not enough for this to be a lifetime choice anymore, it’s a crisis.

BoredZelda · 13/04/2022 21:42

I know it could be a mobility 44 car, i thought that too, and they are only taking what is available.*

That’s not how motability works.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 13/04/2022 21:43

I get what you mean. Even when I have been on the lowest income I have ever had, I did not qualify for social housing. It was very hard scrimping and scraping to get by and then seeing people on benefits in paid for housing who were buying takeaways every night, going on holiday, had massive tvs etc etc. I know that most people are not in that situation when on benes but I saw plenty of people who seemed to be having a nice life with little effort on their part and it was really hard not to be angry.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 13/04/2022 21:43

Because it indicates spare cash. Likely because their housing is cheaper. It indicates that they are probably not on the breadline because their housing is partially funded by the taxes that I pay from working very very hard. That's what the car 'has to do with anything'

The government sends you a detailed breakdown of what they spend your specific tax contributions on then, do they?

How considerate of them. I'll have to enquire about the same.

BTW, people pay tax regardless of how hard they work or otherwise. You're not some sort of martyr simply because you abide by the implied contract between yourself and the State. Perhaps other people who work even harder than you, and pay more tax than you should have the right to deny you any welfare help should you ever need it?

Iggly · 13/04/2022 21:46

This thread makes me think more and more that the privatisation of rented housing was a massive mistake.

It should have been kept in public ownership and the idea of private landlords should be abolished.

Having private landlords means that those who need to rent are the ones who lose out and the ones who benefit are the banks. It gives them more prey/victims/people to give mortgages to (landlords), so of course they whispered in the ears of the conservatives and voila = right to buy.

Housing should be a staple and shouldn’t be a way to profiteer.

FlissyPaps · 13/04/2022 21:49

Hope you’re okay OP.

Life isn’t fair. The system is flawed. Our government is corrupt. Everything rising. Not a nice time for a lot of people most definitely Flowers

However, you can’t judge people’s financial situations from what you see on the outside. (E.g, the type of car they drive, or the type of house the live in, or even the type of clothes they wear). We all have no idea about our neighbours, friends or even families finances. How much debt they’re in. Or even their mental state.

Talk to citizens advice to see if you are entitled to any help. My mum used to be an adviser for CAB, they are so helpful.

Take care of yourself, and hopefully things start to look up soonFlowers

COPPER3 · 13/04/2022 21:50

Bless you love, you sound exhausted and I totally feel your pain and resentment. Most people I know who are on benefits and live in SH seem to have the money to live an easy life and it is not fair. Please try and get some advice, get a cheaper rental, name on council list and go from there. Good luck xx

Iggly · 13/04/2022 21:50

@Unocard

I think the social housing system is so messed up. I know lots of people who were given lifetime tenancies when they were on their arses, then within a year or so they had a new partner, or a promotion etc and now enjoy the cheap rent with huge disposable income - whilst others sleep in b&b’s waiting for a house to come available.

It should be a support system for those who need it and then the houses need to start being handed back. You were helped when you were down - now pass it on to whoever needs it next. There’s not enough for this to be a lifetime choice anymore, it’s a crisis.

I disagree. I genuinely think rented accommodation should be either highly regulated or owned by social housing providers who are not for profit and plough the money back into housing.

By introducing a profit motive you have sky high rents.

saraclara · 13/04/2022 21:52

I'm so sorry, OP. Your feelings are entirely natural, and your despair leaps from my screen.

I think that making an appointment with the CAB or the council is a good idea. It doesn't hurt to have someone do a sweep of that you might be entitled to. And it's a good idea to do it soon, before more and more families reach the point of despair as all these new expenses kick in and they feel the extra pain. Get your name on whatever lists are available, and soon.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/04/2022 21:52

Hang on, you'd never said hello to your neighbour, let alone knowing that he had DIED?

Why on earth are you not asking for all the help you are entitled to instead of being so bitter that other people get it?

adriftabroad · 13/04/2022 21:54

My first thought was that someone elderly had died in the house and they would have had to give it a bit of TLC.

OP, I really feel your pain.

LetHimHaveIt · 13/04/2022 21:54

@Iggly

This thread makes me think more and more that the privatisation of rented housing was a massive mistake.

It should have been kept in public ownership and the idea of private landlords should be abolished.

Having private landlords means that those who need to rent are the ones who lose out and the ones who benefit are the banks. It gives them more prey/victims/people to give mortgages to (landlords), so of course they whispered in the ears of the conservatives and voila = right to buy.

Housing should be a staple and shouldn’t be a way to profiteer.

Hot take.
Notsaltandsauce · 13/04/2022 21:55

I've had a wee name change for this as I think I might get flammed.
I knew you were going to say you lived in Edinburgh. That city can be an absolute nightmare to live in, its almost like its two cities - a very rich one floating on top of a very poor one. There is a lot of money but its very unevenly distributed and it makes it so expensive and stressful to live in if you're just an average person. I can totally identify with what you're feeling and I have to say I never really felt it other than when I lived there although it was the New Town student set that did it for me. I hated being so jealous all the time and it was relief to leave.
Could you consider moving to the Western side of the Central Belt? It can be cheaper in terms of housing, its markedly warmer so less heating costs and if you are WFH most of the time it might not even be that much more expensive to get to work if you are just beetling up and down the M8 once a week.

Knittingchamp · 13/04/2022 21:56

OP I go to the gym three times a week and never ever miss it. It's my 'me' time. I had a very good looking personal trainer who wrote me a programme with machines in it that work muscles, as well as cardio stuff. It's really good but also there are lovely looking men who work out at the gym and it's a great motivation to go. It gets results if you just always go and never miss a session.

He also told me this which made a massive difference - take all the vitamin and mineral supplements so you don't crave anything, halve everything you eat, make sure there's always fibre in what you eat and do sit ups every time you crave sugar.

Honestly it works for me.

ItsDinah · 13/04/2022 21:56

What a scunner. I'd be crying too. Edinburgh is the worst place in Scotland you could have wound up for affordability. I wouldn't bank on it ever getting affordable. It's been too expensive for most folk for decades now. It sounds like you need a 3 or 5 year plan to move to a job in cheaper location where house prices align with what you will ever be able to afford . I'd put my name down for Social Housing on the off-chance it might be of future use. I'd also try putting the word round at work that you are looking for a rental. You might find an "accidental" landlord whose primary motive is finding a responsible tenant.

Knittingchamp · 13/04/2022 21:57

Oh God sorry Mumsnet this was meant to be on the thread about losing weight.

nonevernotever · 13/04/2022 21:57

You are not wrong to be angry about your situation and about the overall lack of social housing. You are a bit unreasonable to blame these individual tenants. I'm glad you are trying to make an appointment with cab. Can I also suggest you contact your council's welfare services/benefits team. East lothian west Lothian and Midlothian each have one to help you work out if you are getting everything you are eligible for. I really hope that things improve for you. at least the right to buy was scrapped in Scotland about 6 years ago now, and I think some councils up here have started a reverse right to buy where they buy back ex council houses. I am also in Edinburgh and get really cross when I see more and more huge housing estates being built for sale privately with even the percentage of supposedly affordable housing included not actually being genuinely affordable and not nearly enough social housing being built. And that's before I get started on the buy to let and buy to air b and b people buying up the cheaper properties and pricing the low paid out of more and more areas .