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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU - anger over new neighbours

225 replies

OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 18:10

I know I'm being unreasonable, I know I sound awful, and even my right leaning Mother told me off.

We live in a private rented semi-detached 3 bedroom house which costs 70% of my shitty wage. I am in situation after leaving a violent relationship over 300 miles away. I was homeless, but It never occurred to me to join a social housing register, we needed somewhere to live so I worked hard and found somewhere.

I am burnt out, grumpy, envious, bitter...basically all round ugly. I went back to uni and got a PG degree, I have a shitty car which needs multiple repairs. It's booked in for a service on Saturday which I can't afford so will cancel tomorrow. My children run around in clothes with holes or too small..I work full time, house is freezing..I've stopped showering, haven't done since Sunday (and that was at public pool) because of costs.

I didn't realise next door was a council house, there had been an elderly man living there who recently died.

Council have painted, cleaned, re-carpeted...now a new family are here. They drive a huge brand new car. And I am so angry I could cry. I know this is displaced...I just needed to vent.

OP posts:
OakPine · 13/04/2022 19:08

Edinburgh has a chronic shortage of good housing for families.
Not helped by the huge number of homes being let out short term for tourists. The only homes being built at the moment in any numbers seem to be student accommodation, and very expensive Cala boxes on the outskirts.
You've done amazingly. Try to focus on that. You live in an amazing city with lots of free things to do for kids. We even have sunshine today!
There are chancers out there, no doubt about that, but also you have no idea of the other family's circumstance. Try not to blame them.

Best wishes xx

ThinWomansBrain · 13/04/2022 19:08

Do you know how long your neighbours were on the housing waiting list for?
What is stopping you for applying to go on the list now?

CorinaB · 13/04/2022 19:08

I absolutely know how you feel OP, I earn relatively good money in an extremely stressful job, I am not entitled to any benefits and am a single parent to 3 children whose father has never paid 1 pence in maintenance.

I look like a haggard old tramp, tatty clothes, greying straggly hair. I was already in debt before the fuel rise, now I am really in shit street, its so depressing. I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat worrying about money.

I feel so much bitterness and misplaced resentment, I need to get a grip. I have always been an optimistic person, but at the moment I just feel hopeless

I just hope and pray things get better for people like us 🙏

Original poster
OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 19:09

@LemonPledge555 that's so lovely, will drop you a message, thank you.

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 13/04/2022 19:13

I work for a charity and we fund carpets, furniture, and white goods as here Housing Associations are not obliged to provide anything other than the building. I can only think of one council in our area that still owns properties. They will provide some carpet and furniture for women and children, but not everything.

I'm sorry you for what you have been through and I'm sorry you didn't get the right advice and support when you left.

Original poster
OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 19:13

I'm the same, my mum paid for me to get my hair done for my birthday, and now I have roots, I need several fillings and a new crown...haggered is the exact word. So sorry you're going through the same.

I don't even know if I'm eligible for SH, I've had a look on council page and will have to print a form off so Will need to go to library for that. I've been in this house for 7 years, never managed to save money.

OP posts:
Mrsmch123 · 13/04/2022 19:23

I don't think there is enough help for working parents. It baffles my why a 2yr old would need to be in nursery when their parents don't work but I struggle to get my child a place as a baby when my maternity leave is finished.

WinterCarlisle · 13/04/2022 19:24

Oh OP I really feel for you. You’re allowed to vent. Flowers and Cake and Gin

Springhassprung86 · 13/04/2022 19:32

Op you do realise you are able to apply for social housing st any point, don’t you?
If you’re working that puts you in a higher band than someone who is unemployed. If you’re unable to feasibly afford your current rent that will move you up too. YABVU and judgemental. They may work every hour god sends for a shitty wage for all you know.

Springhassprung86 · 13/04/2022 19:33

@Mrsmch123

I don't think there is enough help for working parents. It baffles my why a 2yr old would need to be in nursery when their parents don't work but I struggle to get my child a place as a baby when my maternity leave is finished.
This is to afford children of non working parents the same opportunities, socialisation and developmentally wise, as children of parents from higher socioeconomic backgrounds. really shitty to begrudge this of a two year old IMO.
littlelowerdown · 13/04/2022 19:36

I completely understand how you feel.

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 19:37

Council here actually rip out carpets. I’m surprised the council have put in carpets.

LittleMissTeacup · 13/04/2022 19:41

Oh OP, I feel for you! You are allowed to vent and, as you recognised yourself, you don’t know the full situation of your neighbours.

ArcheryAnnie · 13/04/2022 19:43

@HirplesWithHaggis

I'm surprised they've painted and carpeted, that's not usual. But I completely understand how you feel. :(
They do this where I am.
bozzabollix · 13/04/2022 19:46

I really feel for you. Yes you don’t know the circumstances of your neighbours but you’re allowed to be knackered and fed up. Life can be bloody tough at times.

Meanwhile the super rich get to pay no tax, wankers.

Ohbuggeritsme · 13/04/2022 19:47

I've known the council around my area to decorate and put new carpets in if needed x

TyrannosaurusRegina · 13/04/2022 19:48

@HailAdrian

Councils don't do that.
Mine did for me when I was in council housing. The man before me had severe mental health issues i gathered from talking to the neighbours. He had destroyed the house. The council had to replaster and they painted all the walls a fresh white. They also put neutral carpets in throughout apart from the bathroom and kitchen where they put lino.
LBFseBrom · 13/04/2022 19:51

Get it out, OnTheGo, you'll feel less angry tomorrow. You are not really angry at your new neighbours (who may have had some very hard times for all you know), but for being hard up despite your efforts. I can remember that feeling very well though not anger, just a sadness. You have my sympathy which doesn't help much but a lot of people on here are, or have been, in your position so we empathise.

No cliches from me. I just hope things improve before too long and that there is some joy in your life.

FlowersWine

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2022 19:52

@AchillesPoirot

Council here actually rip out carpets. I’m surprised the council have put in carpets.
Was it definitely the council who laid the new carpets? It sounds like something the tenants would do.
TyrannosaurusRegina · 13/04/2022 19:53

OP in Edinburgh, try for mid market rent properties ie hillcrest enterprises. You won't get council housing unfortunately as you're currently classed as adequately housed.

MandieMandie · 13/04/2022 19:54

I heard about someone being housed by the council, into a property which the council redecorated and carpeted, put blinds up and supplied beds for the new tenant and her children. This was because she was being rehoused due to having 4 children and living with her parents. The house was let to her as temporary housing. So it does happen.

ChiswickFlo · 13/04/2022 19:55

@Mrsmch123

I don't think there is enough help for working parents. It baffles my why a 2yr old would need to be in nursery when their parents don't work but I struggle to get my child a place as a baby when my maternity leave is finished.
Because ALL children deserve decent Early years education

Ffs

MarvelMrs · 13/04/2022 20:00

Rant away OP. Life sucks sometimes and this situation really does. I understand completely where you are coming from.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 13/04/2022 20:04

It's easy to envy others and be angry. But what does that do to you? Nothing productive.
It's easy to say than done, but count your lucky stars, you are out of horrible relationship. You have lovely children.

Isonthecase · 13/04/2022 20:04

It's difficult isn't it? I know I found it hard enough living in an ex council house that we're spending our own money on and having to put a load of effort in to whilst working full time and spending all of our money on childcare, and watching council tenants move in to identical houses that had just been done up in the time between tenancies whilst one of them didn't need to work and could still get some childcare covered. It doesn't need to be reasonable, when you're struggling it's hard seeing other people who look like they aren't. Hopefully they'll be nice enough people that you'll get to a place where you're happy for them, and may even be able to give you some tips on how to get there too?