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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU - anger over new neighbours

225 replies

OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 18:10

I know I'm being unreasonable, I know I sound awful, and even my right leaning Mother told me off.

We live in a private rented semi-detached 3 bedroom house which costs 70% of my shitty wage. I am in situation after leaving a violent relationship over 300 miles away. I was homeless, but It never occurred to me to join a social housing register, we needed somewhere to live so I worked hard and found somewhere.

I am burnt out, grumpy, envious, bitter...basically all round ugly. I went back to uni and got a PG degree, I have a shitty car which needs multiple repairs. It's booked in for a service on Saturday which I can't afford so will cancel tomorrow. My children run around in clothes with holes or too small..I work full time, house is freezing..I've stopped showering, haven't done since Sunday (and that was at public pool) because of costs.

I didn't realise next door was a council house, there had been an elderly man living there who recently died.

Council have painted, cleaned, re-carpeted...now a new family are here. They drive a huge brand new car. And I am so angry I could cry. I know this is displaced...I just needed to vent.

OP posts:
Mrsmch123 · 13/04/2022 20:06

Yes all children need an education but why do they need a funded place at two but everyone else needs to wait till three??

HELLITHURT · 13/04/2022 20:07

@OnTheGoAlways sorry it didn't occur to you to go for social housing, but it's not other peoples fault.

Original poster
OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 20:08

Midmarket rents unattainable. My best friend is a Social Worker, she is aware of one midmarket landlord who awarded a flat to a PhD couple who paid 12 months in advance.

There are currently on average 70 applicants per flat/house in the city. I live on the outskirts, so a different LA, and it's getting worse here too.

My Nanna is in desperate need of care so want to move into Edinburgh to help, but I'd happily just take any secure housing.

I'm going to look into shared equity.

I'm just finished a CIPD course from my desk overlooking next doors shiny 4*4 and freshly cut grass. Should have gone on register.

I wonder if this resentment/tension will become more common. Not necessarily between in work/out work, but for anyone experiencing increasing hardship as the focus on wages/haves/have not becomes magnified. I'm going to lay off the news/mumsnet and put my head down.

I keep thinking of the poster living in a house which used oil for fuel, her house was 8 degrees and no money for oil, stuck in a private rent loop. I've thought about her a lot.

OP posts:
SpeedofaSloth · 13/04/2022 20:09
Flowers
riceuten · 13/04/2022 20:15

@ImJustNotMeAnymore

Never heard of a council.place being painted and decorated and carpeted for new tenants. Usually the council/ha too everything out and leave the place bare. you have my empathy and sympathy. Some people really know how to swing the system. Hang on in there 💐
No, it does happen, usually only magnolia and to minimum levels where it may otherwise take a while to let and subsequent rent loss.
gamerchick · 13/04/2022 20:15

@HailAdrian

Councils don't do that.
They paint everywhere magnolia but they definitely dont fit carpets.
Cheeseandlobster · 13/04/2022 20:16

@vodkaredbullgirl

What is spitefully about a no comment?
But you didn't scroll past and not comment did you? HmmInstead you were spiteful and unkind
Namesrus · 13/04/2022 20:16

Our local council, also in Scotland have a scheme for certain clients newly in council properties whereby you can rent white goods, furniture and even carpets up to a certain value. I don’t really understand how you can rent carpet ( my relative opted for white goods) but anyhow for people who can’t afford essentials upfront it’s a good way of getting the basics, the items can be handed back if you want to buy your own. The council brings and fits the things maybe Edinburgh has a similar scheme and that’s why they are fitting the carpets?

Pistepersistence · 13/04/2022 20:24

I hear you Op. This is how the Tories get in, there’s a lot of unfairness.
There needs be an overhaul of the system.
I lived opposite housing association who made a point of not working (no disability, they were very honest about that) because ‘no one in their family worked’/‘she went to a job and didn’t like it’.
It winds me up but 1) shouldn’t over Shadow the genuine need and 2) we really shouldn’t vote Tory because of it

Sls1992 · 13/04/2022 20:24

Hi just to give my perspective. Things aren’t always as they seem and this family may work incredibly hard for what they have. I am a full time social worker, I have worked hard to to qualify to work in my job by putting my 6 month old into nursery whilst I studied for my masters degree and now I continue to work hard in my job. I too live in a council owned property in one of the most sought after areas of our city which I nodded on for years prior to studying for my degree. I have a decent enough car. I know for a fact simply through being a social worker that our local authority would absolutely not under any circumstance re carpet or paint a council property. I often secure grants for these things for my service users but this comes from various charities never the council. Could it be that this family are also working very hard for what they have? Rather than having it handed to them?

Mumofsend · 13/04/2022 20:31

Our council/HA will do a quick lick of paint only if it's really really grim (aka hide mould) and they don't do flooring.

I can imagine it's really tough but likewise, there's nothing to suggest they don't need the house desperately or are swinging the system. Lots of disabled people have motabilty cars etc.

Thatsplentyjack · 13/04/2022 20:32

@HailAdrian

Councils don't do that.
Well my council does. Not when I moved into mine 12 years ago as a 20 year old single mother and was given 60 quid "decorating allowence" and absolute nothing else. There were bare floor boards and crumbling plaster all over the walls. Now they put in new carpet/flooring. Paint the walls and put in new bathroom/kitchen if needed. I know this because my sil got one about 4 years ago.
LakieLady · 13/04/2022 20:32

@Namesrus

Our local council, also in Scotland have a scheme for certain clients newly in council properties whereby you can rent white goods, furniture and even carpets up to a certain value. I don’t really understand how you can rent carpet ( my relative opted for white goods) but anyhow for people who can’t afford essentials upfront it’s a good way of getting the basics, the items can be handed back if you want to buy your own. The council brings and fits the things maybe Edinburgh has a similar scheme and that’s why they are fitting the carpets?
The HA I work for will fit carpets and purchase and install white goods for new tenants who have no stuff or funds of their own, but the tenants pay for them by paying a bit extra on their rent over a few years (5, iirc). And the resettlement team apply to charities for grants for beds for tenants, if they haven't got their own.
thisplaceisweird · 13/04/2022 20:32

OP i just wanted to say well done you for escaping a horrible relationship and working hard for your kids. Life seems really unfair when you work so hard and others seem to get an easy ride.

Wishing you all the best and I hope you find some additional resources/benefits that can help.

This too shall pass.

Thatsplentyjack · 13/04/2022 20:33

Oh yes and you can get, I think it's 3 white goods.

Ugzbugz · 13/04/2022 20:34

Its really unfair when people in the same dire situation are paying double or triple the price because the council house has been sold and rented out. Why its okay for some people to pay lower rent is beyond me. The entire hosuing, rental and mortgage scheme is corrupt. You can pay someone else's mortgage but not your own to.

doggyweewee · 13/04/2022 20:38

So sorry op

I don’t think you are completely unreasonable this seems unfair. Is there no way you could look at social housing?

That tv show swap my council house makes me so mad. Woman in London wants more space for her art while a family of 5 share 2 bedrooms… surely there is a farer solution for everyone?

I keep going op sounds like you really do the best for your kids Biscuit

Original poster
OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 20:41

Maybe the trick is to stop paying my rent, save the money, then get housed by the council...

OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 13/04/2022 20:43

@OnTheGoAlways

Maybe the trick is to stop paying my rent, save the money, then get housed by the council...
I think you'd need to go into emergency housing first? Not sure though.
Original poster
OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 20:43

I feel horrible, it's coming in waves. I calm down and become more rational, then I'm overwhelmed with anger, sadness, frustration and bitterness....I don't even want to go to work tomorrow, what's the point of it all. Its like being a teenager again.

Just heard the heating come on, excuse me whilst I turn my thermostat to 14degrees ahhhhhhh

OP posts:
spuddy56 · 13/04/2022 20:44

I completely understand. We are currently paying a fortune in private rent for a crumbling house with worn out carpets, mould and really marked paint. Someone at work who got paid 3k less than me had a council house and the council bought them tins of paint to repaint in the colours they chose. We are not even allowed to hang a picture up, never mind repaint walls at our own expense. He wouldn't work any over time either, even when the business needed it, as he would lose some of his benefits and had way more disposable income than me. Yes I'm jealous, I want a secure home where I can paint the walls/hang up a picture and know that I could be there for years. I don't want to pay so much money for a crappy private rental with tons of issues that I could be kicked out of with two months notice or have the rent hiked beyond my means.

Anyone who can't understand that the housing system in this country breeds anger and resentment needs to open their eyes.

petshihtzu · 13/04/2022 20:46

Your feelings are completely valid, don't be hard on yourself!

Original poster
OnTheGoAlways · 13/04/2022 20:47

Absolutely, the whole private rent / social rent is dire.

And as pp said, how is it that I can pay, and never miss a payment, on someone else's fucking mortgage and somehow not my own.

OP posts:
Tilltheend99 · 13/04/2022 20:48

I don’t own a car but from what I gather few people own a car outright these days. Could be on finance, could be a company car. As others have said, it could be a disability car.

You said yourself that your previous neighbour was elderly. It’s likely that the carpets were not changed for the many years he lived there. You didn’t say if your neighbours had children but I doubt you would want a family living in inhabitable condition.

Watch some of the ITV news reports in how many people in council housing live in slum conditions with water pouring from the ceiling for years.

I really sympathise with what you have said but you shouldn’t begrudge others basic living standards.

There is also no reason that as someone who has paid into the system through taxes that you shouldn’t look into your families eligibility for a council house yourself

Echobelly · 13/04/2022 20:48

I used to be puzzled why people clearly less well off than me drove expensive cars - we're wealthy by national standards but have never even owned (or leased) a new car.

Then I realised it's just different priorities for different people - we don't care about what our car 'says' about us, we just want it to get from A to B and fit our stuff. But for a lot of people, at all incomes levels, the car they drive really is part of their identity and their self worth - family, job, home, car.

It's not something I get personally but I've come to realise it really is a big thing for a lot of people to have a 'nice' car. And they find ways to afford that if it's important to them.