IABU - anger over new neighbours

[OnTheGoAlways]

I know I'm being unreasonable, I know I sound awful, and even my right leaning Mother told me off.

We live in a private rented semi-detached 3 bedroom house which costs 70% of my shitty wage. I am in situation after leaving a violent relationship over 300 miles away. I was homeless, but It never occurred to me to join a social housing register, we needed somewhere to live so I worked hard and found somewhere.

I am burnt out, grumpy, envious, bitter...basically all round ugly. I went back to uni and got a PG degree, I have a shitty car which needs multiple repairs. It's booked in for a service on Saturday which I can't afford so will cancel tomorrow. My children run around in clothes with holes or too small..I work full time, house is freezing..I've stopped showering, haven't done since Sunday (and that was at public pool) because of costs.

I didn't realise next door was a council house, there had been an elderly man living there who recently died.

Council have painted, cleaned, re-carpeted...now a new family are here. They drive a huge brand new car. And I am so angry I could cry. I know this is displaced...I just needed to vent.

That sounds horribly hard and no judgement here!
Can you apply to your local council for welfare funding for new carpets or white goods yourself? If you get UC top ups your application will be considered especially if it’s impacting you and your families living! There are also a lovely group of support workers within the council who will arrange clothes for your little ones with zero judgement. Please reach out for the help as it’ll get you out of a fix and take some weight from your shoulders

I live in a council house, I have a brand new car….it’s a mobility car (on lease) but no one knows that as my car hasn’t got a big sticker on it saying “mobility car”, they don’t anymore.

A lot of people are struggling and it sucks but you can’t judge a family by what car they drive.

@OnTheGoAlways

Maybe the trick is to stop paying my rent, save the money, then get housed by the council...

If you make yourself homeless like this they won't help you

Councils do not do that. My sibling is housed in a flat by the council. He had no carpets or flooring for two years. They apparently rip up any flooring however new it is before a new tenant moves in, worried about pests or bed bugs etc. My sibling was on an ESA and UC (i think, not versed in all the terms) and eventually me and my family paid to get the flat carpeted for her. She did get a small amount of money on a store card for paint etc but other than that the decor and furnishing of the flat was down to her to fund.

OP either keep venting here or write things down like a journal. It stops things running around in your head causing havoc.

I’m glad you got away from the violent relationship.

I get why you'd be angry at the government (and successive ones at that) for decimating the public housing stock.

I get why you'd be annoyed at the CMS and the men who skirt round their commitments. I even get why you'd be jealous that other people seem to have an easier life or better 'stuff'.

But I genuinely don't get why a social housing tenant is the object of your ire. I really don't.

Nobody said council tenants aren't allowed shiny cars. Nobody said renting from social landlords was only for people who couldn't afford to buy.

There's still a lot of people in Scotland on the political left who think it's important to access social housing because it's the only way governments will ever prioritise it. There are lots of people who didn't buy into Maggie Thatcher's push to make the UK a nation of home owners rather than renters.

Entirely valid feelings, OP. You don't even need to feel ashamed of them. I am furious about the council housing system in the UK on a constant basis.

People can game the system, people can buy their council properties for massively reduced prices and then sell them on and make a fortune, people can stay in a property forever with no reassessment of their eligibility if their wages go up, people can inherit tenancies despite not meeting the criteria if they had to apply for housing directly to the council, etc. All of this coupled with a chronic shortage of properties means that so many people who need council housing can't get it, and many people who could afford to rent privately can benefit from cut price housing.

I'm not saying it's individual people's faults. If I could game the system, I'm sure I would. But the whole system needs to be overhauled. We don't have enough council housing to guarantee homes for life anymore, and we need to be strict about it going to people who are genuinely in need.

I live in a council block - I bought my flat off the previous owner who bought it through the right to buy scheme. It's a central London flat. He paid £80k for it and two years later sold it to me for £680k. That's madness. I don't begrudge him anything - what he did was entirely legal. But should it be?

Moreover, downstairs from me are a couple who've lived in the building for forty years. They still rent off the council, despite both of them earning good money in professional jobs. They pay £500 a month rent. The market rate for our flats is £2500. They could afford that - but they don't have to pay it. Again, they're not the problem - the system is. That flat should be available fo a family who desperately needs it. We don't have enough council housing to allow people to stay forever in properties they can afford to leave.

My next door neighbours are a lovely young couple with two kids. They both work and get a decent wage. She inherited the tenancy from her grandmother. Could they afford to rent privately? Yes, easily. Do I blame them for taking advantage of a system that allows them to have massively reduced living costs? No, of course not. I blame the system.

It is infuriating that we have an outdated and nonsensical system of council housing that bars people genuinely in need from getting housed. When you don't have enough properties, you have to ration them for those who need them the most. That's the reality. My friend runs the council housing provision in my central London borough and she says the council housing waiting list is 25 years long. That is madness.

OP, you're amazing. Your kids have a mother they can be so proud of.

Op are you able to live with your nanna while looking after her? Could split the bills if she only needs a bit of help each day.

It sounds reall hard and I understand as it’s heartbreaking to be constantly working so hard and not getting anywhere.
Have you checked you are getting everything you are entitled to? Consult your local cab if necessary. Are you eligible for warm home discount?
I live in a different area where there is a baby bank type charity but they will help anyone in need of childrens clothing or school uniforms etc is there something similar near you?
Are there any community fridges or Other food waste projects near you?
Freecycle and freegle are worth keeping an eye on.

For those posters saying councils don't do that. They absolutely do. The house next door to us is council and has just been completely ripped out and refitted with new kitchen, bathroom, boiler, electric fire, carpets and all freshly painted.
What was there before was completely fine to live with too as my neighbour has only left 6 weeks ago so it's not like it was in a state of disrepair

I get your anger. I was once really upset after a week of working full time and still skint to see an uber eats delivery to the council house over the road for the family who doesn't work when I was knackered and cooking beans on toast as that's all we could afford. Life's bloody unfair. No advice but I get it.

I always get a stab of envy when I see someone who earns less than I do and lives a life with more luxuries. I have to remind myself that I don't always know their full situation so can't comment... But DH and I are in medium paying jobs with no option to improve (can't afford retraining or further, further education ) but we both work full time, desperately claw at family time with our DS and rarely get the luxurious lifestyle I see others have.
We've never been in holiday together other than The Sun £9.50 holidays and even that was through gritted teeth as we hate The Sun, yet I know someone who doesn't work, is a single mum of 3 and is off to Disney Paris this summer. Yeah I know, as I say, I have no idea about her situation or how she's getting that holiday, but that doesn't stop me feeling envious.

If it helps to know, my cousin and her son are in a council house in Edinburgh, but it took her three years to get it. She had to declare she was homeless and go live in a shitty B&B where most of the other residents were junkies/drunk a lot. It was awful. She says it was the worst time of her life. She had to put applications in to shabby places or places out in the sticks every week even though she didn't really want to live there because you have to apply to places to stay on the list, or something like that, I don't remember the exact details. Even now she still struggles to cover the rent/bills of the place they're in (which isn't in the best neighborhood). Edinburgh is so expensive, and there's apparently such a huge demand on council houses there. My point being I don't think people from elsewhere in the country realise how difficult the getting a council house thing is in Edinburgh! Also, it probably means the family who moved in next to you have been waiting a long time and have gone through some shitty times.

I hope things ease up for you

When you move into an empty council or HA property in Scotland, depending on circumstance, you can apply for a Community Care Grant for basics like white goods, flooring, beds and so on, and most HA's will give you a small allowance or pre-paid voucher for decorating materials and paint if the property requires it.

So while it's essentially true that Scots Councils 'don't do that', it's not uncommon for someone to move into Social housing here and have the place freshly carpeted and decorated. It doesn't mean they are 'at it' or 'taking the piss', on the contrary, because it's usually only people on benefits and those in absolute penury who will qualify for the most help.

It sounds like it’s been really tough for you OP.

If the car is brand new it could be mobility. My friend with a life limiting illness just claimed PIP for the first time and although she can’t drive her husband can so they got a brand new Hyundai SUV which although I love her to pieces and am pleased for her I am slightly jealous of their brand new car with insurance included for just the two of them when I had a £500 car until it died and then my mum helped me buy a 10 year old car and I paid her back monthly.

I’m surprised that if it’s a council house it had new carpet put in and was redecorated. That is definitely not the norm. I just moved into a social housing house that belonged to an ex-smoker and there is no new flooring and the only two rooms that were painted were the bathroom and kitchen. Everything else I had to do myself while still paying rent on my previous property, which was also social and also had to be decorated and floored by me.

However. I would definitely contact your local citizens advice to check if there’s any help you’re entitled to.

I get you, OP. You’re sold a myth that you work hard and you should be able to live a decent life. It’s simply not true in today’s economic climate. And there are people who take the piss. What is the incentive to work when, in some circumstances, it would be better off to be on benefits? And why is the system so set against women, who are literally left holding the baby? Why aren’t men made to pay 50% of all costs associated with every child they sire? It’s ridiculous that the welfare system pays out to single mothers when every single one of their children has a father somewhere along the line. Make them pay and keep the benefits for the elderly and the disabled!

Hugs to you OP. It sounds awful, and you are allowed to vent. When I read of some of the trivial things which give so many on MN "the rage" and then I read a post like yours - well, it almost gives me "the rage". I'm not in the UK so can't offer any practical advice unfortunately. Life can be so unfair, and when you are doing all the right things it sucks.

As for all the posters who can offer nothing more than "councils don't do that" - I'm speechless.

Everyone should be allowed a bout of unreasonableness now and then. You sound worn out and no wonder with all the shit you're dealing with. As other PPs have said check the benefits calculator because 60%of your income going on rent sounds very difficult to manage. We sometimes have months where everything needs to be shaved to the bone and I have what some people call a tarts bath...sink of warmish water, flannel , soap start at the top and work down..face ,neck, tits and bits ,throw on clothes and brush teeth while swilling the sink out. I choose to find the cold exhilarating and I'm saving myself from all the phenol..benze..sulphate stuff in the products I don't use. Lidls deodorants are pretty good. Really though, you're doing great, you got yourself and your kids away from a horrible situation and you aren't just moping about waiting for things to be handed to you. I hope you find yourself able to think positively soon and try to be kind to yourself 💐

Have you applied for social housing now?

If you spend all your time focusing on other peoples purses you'll send yourself mad.

Theres always someone worse off or better off than you

I live in Deeside, Flintshire. The council clean and repaint before a new tenant moves in, and sometimes they put down new carpets if the floors are bare.

@Minniem2020

For those posters saying councils don't do that. They absolutely do. The house next door to us is council and has just been completely ripped out and refitted with new kitchen, bathroom, boiler, electric fire, carpets and all freshly painted. What was there before was completely fine to live with too as my neighbour has only left 6 weeks ago so it's not like it was in a state of disrepair

If the Council put in a new kitchen, bathroom and boiler then the previous ones probably didn't meet tolerable living standards or new electricity/gas safety standards. Councils do not put in new kitchens, bathrooms and boilers for new tenants. They do put them in if they are unsafe or have poor energy ratings or they are adapting the house to meet disability and accessibility standards.

No, it doesn't make me feel better that some people are living in entirely inappropriate or unsafe housing. That's awful, and I'm sorry there weren't other options open to your cousin.

This isn't one though, this is a three bedroom semi-detached with front and back gardens and a driveway..we are about a 10 minute drive from Edinburgh.

And yes, lots of people lease cars now, me included. But the monthly cost of my 8 year old car with a fuel gauge this doesn't work so I never know how much is in the tank is a lot shitter than a 21 plate sporty 4*4. I couldn't afford the monthly repayments on that type of car.

I'm clearly naive. I've been poor my whole life, my mother had two Jobs and we were moved out of our house when the landlord sold.

Ok we get it they have a shiny new car. Honestly your anger at people you know nothing about sounds like you've been watching too many of those My Cushy Life on Benefits shows. So somebody has it better than you because they legally applied for and was allocated a council house. Somebody else also has it better because they picked winning lotto numbers or because they were born to millionaire parents, the list goes on. The point is there will always be someone doing better. I get it that you're down in the pit of despair at the moment but you could have applied for a council property 7 years ago. You could have done it when you couldn't replace your children's clothes or when you started this thread. It's not a scales, your neighbours good luck didn't cause your misfortune.

Hi OP,

You don't have to be homeless to get a HA house, find your local site and register, you won't be a priority but you will still be able to bid for HA properties and if you are quick you might get one regardless of you working

I hear you OP. The housing system sucks. We live on a street that’s half council and are private tenants. Our neighbours in a council place pay less than half of what we do, plus they have the security of a long term tenancy. We have moved so much and had so much stress it has been awful. I love our neighbours, they are a nice older couple, and don’t want it to be a race to the bottom, but it feels so unfair that we can’t have the same as they had. Even if we had a few years in a council place we could save a deposit and get out of the rental hole. Or I could work fewer hours and not have my youngest in nursery all day. It’s sad.