To have such a visceral reaction to being called by my name?

[Nameproblemsagain]

I probably am BU about this, but when my parents named me they gave me a totally different name to the one I’ve always been named and while on a logical sort of level I know this wasn’t the intent, it’s always felt a bit like a cruel joke.

Went into the bank today and was greeted by the wrong name. It just really fills me with annoyance.

I know people will say to change it but I’ve never been sure that this doesn’t create more problems than it solves. Plus, I think actually doing this would make me angry too!

So hit me - AIBU?

I understand being annoyed by “but it’s your name” comments.

I have always been known by a different name to the one on my birth certificate. My parents have never, ever called me by the name on my birth certificate but gave it to me as a “back up” in case the name they actually call me by proved to be too off-the-wall. It’s a definitively feminine version of the name they actually call me, which was considered masculine at the time but is now androgynous.

Ask me or my parents what my “real” name is and we’d all give you the name they’ve always used- which isn’t the one on my birth certificate.

People call me by my birth certificate name very rarely. They often say it twice because I don’t acknowledge them the first time and forget it’s me! I can’t say it bothers me too much, really.

If you change your name by deed poll then you update the bank/GP/employer etc then you won’t have to repeatedly explain the change.

It’s really easy to change your legal name, you definitely don’t need a solicitor.

I nearly changed mine on a whim when I was angry with my family and drunk on the internet, some years ago. Was getting emails for months urging me to complete my application.

I agree. It's not that hard to change your name, why are you hanging on to it?

Seriously Op I have deed polled my name online and once it's done use the document to change your passport, bank and driving license. It it's a bit annoying sending off the copy as then you have to wait but things are improving with online update to things so should be easier.

Occasionally a form says have you ever been known as another name and you write in the name. End of. No issues. This is only usually applying for DBS type checks or to work in a school. Had zero issues financially. And there is no need to explain anything.

However you could check with you bank if they have a please call me xxx section and get up that updated instead.

If your parents turned your birth certificate into a joke you should direct your anger at them or hire a solicitor and send them the bill. Or perhaps you should contact “Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii” and see if there is a support group.

I dont get why you keep refusing to go down the deed poll route

and then saying you hate your name

very frustrating

Actually I'm not sure that I believe you. If it annoyed you that much, you would have done it. Do you just want something to be cross with the world about? Or do you feel it somehow makes you seem more interesting?

@Nameproblemsagain

I’ve just skimmed through the responses and while I’ve seen before it claimed that you don’t need a solicitor to change your name, the bank will only accept a passport or driving licence as ID and I genuinely have no idea how I’d change my name on there without some sort of formality.

I realise most people don’t think it’s a big deal and I do get that but to me it is. To be clear, I’ve never been called the name that is on my birth certificate. So yes it might be my name in a legal sense but since I’ve never been called it and since it was only put there to try to be funny I do think it’s fair to not accept it as my name.

The deed poll form IS the formality. You do not need a solicitor for that. I changed my name via deed poll and used that to alter it on my passport and driving licence.

Thanks @MelvinThePenguin

As I’ve said I have looked into changing it by deed poll but I really don’t want to have to be explaining this in the future on job applications mainly and also, despite what people are saying, I did actually change it online a few years ago and it just wasn’t accepted by DVLA etc. I know people are saying otherwise but that genuinely wasn’t the case. This was maybe in 2011.

Now I am married the first name has lost its “humour” so it’s just a bit strange. To be honest, this is more annoyance over historic stuff. Booking to go abroad is a pain, I was called the wrong name on my driving tests, going in for my C section, first day at a new school. If you like, any stressful moment in life is compounded by being called a (stupid) name that isn’t mine!

I also had two pensions at one point as one was in my name and one was in the name on birth certificate. Unfortunately they ran concurrently rather than both being paid into!

I still don't get the joke comment.

As many of us have said you don't get asked all time time about previous names. I've only been asked when it was for something like a DBS or when it was less than 5 years.

When I renewed my passport I had to give my maiden name as well as my married name, but that was on a form that no one questions you about.

Seriously, change it legally and all these issues go away.

@Nameproblemsagain while I’ve seen before it claimed that you don’t need a solicitor to change your name, the bank will only accept a passport or driving licence as ID and I genuinely have no idea how I’d change my name on there without some sort of formality.

You don’t need a solicitor. Make up a deed poll, get it signed by a friend, use that to change your driving licence and passport, then take those to the bank. Done.

Correct wording is here: www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/make-an-adult-deed-poll

You're making a massive fuss about something that you could change easily. Loads of people change their names by deed poll. Loads of people have a name that is formal and are known by another name,it's not a unique situation by any means . If it pissed you off that much you'd have changed it by now.

I had the same thing: my official name was rarely used except by teachers & in formal situations, & so I disliked it as a name.

I was always known by a nickname which made it sound as though my official name was something else: suppose my official name was Lisa & everyone who actually knew me called me Liz, so people who heard me referred to as Liz would think my real name was Elizabeth. It helped that my actual real name & nickname had the same initial.

This worked as people go along with it if you immediately say at work, etc when you have to give an official name, "But I'm always known as X". It's a bit cringeworthy, though, to hear the original name shouted across a hospital waiting room or whatever & so I decided to change my name officially to my nickname.

Before I could do that, however, I discovered a long-kept family secret which included the fact that someone unpleasant but connected to me had that name. I was so fed up with this & with the secret being kept from me for so long that I thought, 'To hell with the lot of them!' & changed ALL my names!

It was surprisingly easy. I used a company online & they sorted it with lots of advice, for £50-100. It's made life a lot simpler.

If you want to do it, go for it. It was quite fun in the end. Don't be angry. Or rather, point your anger in the right direction & make use of it in the right way.

You're getting annoyed at bank clerks, driving instructors, medical staff etc for calling you by your name as if they supposed to somehow know you go by a nickname

So you've changed your surname already. You know that no one asks you about it or really cares.

Did you complete the deedpoll process to change your name?

I feel that there is another issue here and you've decided to always complain but never actually sort the issue.

This is why I always use madam or sir. Although that isn't always okay now!

I have the same issue. Well, for me it's even more complicated but it all results in me being called by a name that I only legally use.

It used to make me very cross, then one day I just stopped caring. I cannot explain how but hopefully one day this will happen for you also. I don't see another solution.

Now I only mind if someone is intentionally calling me by the wrong name.

As I’ve said I still have to refer to it on job apps etc and I need to explain why I changed it and tbh I don’t particularly want to get into it.

I speak from personal experience, having been in more or less the same situation and deed poll changed the name I was never called as an adult.

On rare occasions, I have to cite my birth name on official forms. Definitely not frequently. Am trying to think of when I've had to EXPLAIN the reasons why and drawing a complete blank. Even on the Deed poll form itself, there was a section you could tick for the reason for change of name, and it said something like "name change in childhood".

They put one name on my birth certificate but always called me by my middle name

That's even easier then, surely. I knew quite a few people who go by only their middle name. One girl at my school was called "Emma Claire". Hated the Emma and went by Claire. All her paperwork was "E. Claire". If she continued to hate it that much past the age of 18, presumably she'd have taken the obvious step of having it officially changed.

This is a non-issue that is easily resolved.

What is the name? May we ask?

I think i used to work with you - or if not you, someone else who had the EXACT issue, right down to finding eleventy-billion excuses as to why she couldn't just do a deed poll, and change her name that way!

I just realized my comment might have sounded glib. It wasn’t meant to be. I legit mean your anger is misdirected .

So basically you’re mis directing your anger towards your parents’ twattery at the rest of the world.
Which you’re compounding by not taking the simple step of doing a deed poll.
My xdh was known by his middle rather than his first name and didn’t get upset by it, he also didn’t bother doing deed poll as he only had to say “actually I’m known as S, it’s my middle name” and it was never an issue

@PonyPatter44

I think i used to work with you - or if not you, someone else who had the EXACT issue, right down to finding eleventy-billion excuses as to why she couldn't just do a deed poll, and change her name that way!

Some people just really like the smell of burning wood.

You're not alone it really irritated Rumpelstiltskin too!