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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 8am to 6pm at nursery/school+wraparound is just too much

571 replies

magicsoosh · 13/04/2022 03:57

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs

OP posts:
Original poster
magicsoosh · 13/04/2022 07:49

I posted at 3am while feeding my baby...

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 13/04/2022 07:50

@magicsoosh

I posted at 3am while feeding my baby...
And??

What's the purpose of your post?

likemindedarseholes · 13/04/2022 07:51

@HardbackWriter and being in an office on a sunny day knowing your children are in an after school club, also hating it isn't any better. Same as being unemployed and praying that on said sunny day your child doesn't notice that all their classmates are having ice cream and you don't have a penny to your name. I've been both and I know which I prefer.

Heronwatcher · 13/04/2022 07:51

No it’s fine. Nurseries in a childcare setting are generally very calm and pleasant especially for younger kids, who will also be having at least one decent nap a day. How many did you look round before voicing this concern? Most parents would prefer not to do 5 days of 8-6 but some have to because, you know, money, food, heating etc. Better than 6 hours in front of CBeebies anyway. And, smelling salts at the ready, some in my area start at 7.30… Shock

hangrylady · 13/04/2022 07:52

@magicsoosh

I posted at 3am while feeding my baby...
So? Doesn't make it any less of a shit post, designed to make other women feel bad.
likemindedarseholes · 13/04/2022 07:54

@magicsoosh I don't think you wrote this to be judgemental. I think you have a young baby and you're considering your options. And yes when you've been on maternity the idea of putting your darling baby into 40 hours plus of childcare per week seems awful and you wonder how others do it. I've been there. You either make changes, or you do it and it gets easier. There's lots of remote working roles about, would that help you?

HardbackWriter · 13/04/2022 07:56

[quote likemindedarseholes]@HardbackWriter and being in an office on a sunny day knowing your children are in an after school club, also hating it isn't any better. Same as being unemployed and praying that on said sunny day your child doesn't notice that all their classmates are having ice cream and you don't have a penny to your name. I've been both and I know which I prefer.[/quote]
Mine are nursery age so perhaps I'll feel differently when they're older, but right now if it's a sunny day I know they'll be having a lovely time outdoors in a place they enjoy.

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 07:57

Ok so in the interests of giving you the benefit of the doubt OP. What were you hoping to get out of this thread?

bibliomania · 13/04/2022 07:57

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers

“More hours than full time jobs”… that would be exactly the point. Drop the kids off, go to work, pick the kids up. If toddlers were booted out of daycare BEFORE the end of the workday, they would be in a bit of a pickle!
That made me laugh, Elbows.

Thanks for the faux concern, OP.

BIWI · 13/04/2022 07:58

I'm so glad that you joined a parenting site, which exists to make parents' lives easier, to post this pile of shit.

What on earth do you suggest working parents do? Or are you about to argue that women should stay at home tied to the kitchen/nursery to look after their children, and how dare they work?

FFS.

Jobconfused · 13/04/2022 07:58

OP if this is your first child, please don’t become that kind of sanctimonious and judgmental mum everyone hates. Do your thing and leave everyone else alone

ReceptionTA · 13/04/2022 08:02

I think it totally depends on the setting. There are some wonderful gentle settings where small children can calmly spend their days having small adventures while their parents work.

I do feel for the nursery year children where I work who are dropped off at before school club, do a whole day of nursery class and then do after school club again until 6pm. I have raised with other staff that the nursery children don't have anywhere to sleep if they crash out, for example- fine if children are just attending for half a day but not so fine for those that are there for 10 hours. It's even a tough day for a lot of Reception children. Other settings will be slower paced, but aren't always available, so every parent chooses the best available to them locally.

Parents who need to work don't like to hear that not all settings are perfect, though. I once mentioned on MN that I missed my DM terribly when I was a toddler - she went back to work when I was 10 weeks old and I went to a child minder, but it didn't stop me missing my mum. Apparently it's not something that should be mentioned on MN incase you make people who have to feed their children feel guilty. That certainly wasn't my intention, but a lot of posters made it about them them and their guilt, ignoring the fact that my own DM needed to earn money. I got totally flamed Grin

The issue, OP, is whether all childcare settings are providing effectively for the needs of small children

Abraxan · 13/04/2022 08:03

@magicsoosh

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs
It's more hours than your average full time job to allow parents to travel to and from their work places, in addition to their work hours. And I know plenty that open from 7-7:30am in areas where commutes are longer.

Whilst it's not ideal for children and babies to be in nursery full time every day, I can understand why nurseries need to be open that long.

Not everyone can, nor wants to be, full time stay at home parents sacrificing their careers.

Daisy03 · 13/04/2022 08:04

Well good for you if you are in a situation where you don't have to go this but for some of us it's essential if we want to afford to feed and house our kids.
We have no family to help with childcare so there's no other option.
Yes I feel guilty and you've touched a sore point but really don't judge unless you've walked in another's shoes

Wallywobbles · 13/04/2022 08:05

Normal in France for pretty much all kids from 13 weeks. This is a cultural issue not a real issue.

99% of parents here go back to work after each child at 3 month. Childcare is affordable and good so why wouldn't they? Children here are not more damaged than in the UK - I'd say there is an argument for the opposite being true anecdotally.

TeethingProblems123 · 13/04/2022 08:09

My first child was unplanned. I didn't stay with the father and I didn't have much in the way of a career. I didn't have much at all tbh, was a bit lost, drifting. I chose to keep her and really tried to get my act together. I completed my degree in pregnancy and was fortunate enough to get my first 'proper' job when she was six months old. It was full time. I moved us into our first proper home and found her a lovely nursery that she was in 8-6 five days a week.
That baby - who is now 15 - has brought me a happiness and purpose I never thought possible everyday since. She is the absolute sunshine of my life and I'm so grateful tor her. I went on to train further, inspired by wanting to give her all I could and with this sense of purpose she gave me.
Now I'm finally part time! She is a thriving, gorgeous, kind and intelligent young woman and I'm so proud of us.
I'm sharing my experience just to bring another position to the discussion. I felt guilty for years that I worked so much but then one day decided...I won't feel guilty for another moment and I don't.
There are nuances to every situation that we should think about and I hope my experience adds to the debate.

tokyotolondon · 13/04/2022 08:13

DC does these hours two days a week and it works really well for us. They have naps (2 hrs) and quiet time throughout the day. He loves it and chats about nursery on the way there and tells me about his friends. Don't see an issue. If you don't like it then don't send your kids.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 08:23

I feel so torn about this subject. I do know that this is a necessary service and that for a lot of people it is a need and not a luxury of choice. So while yes on one hand I do feel sad especially for the very young ones (I used to work at a nursery and some of these babies were 6 months old) I know this is not the first choice for any parent.

At an older age so much does depend on the nursery and personality of the child. Not all nurseries are equally good and a good nursery will actually be a benefit for social skills etc.

Hesma · 13/04/2022 08:24

Of course it’s more hours than a full time job… you have to drop off then travel to work, work a full day then travel to pick up.. duh! Unfortunately most people have no choice

likemindedarseholes · 13/04/2022 08:35

@tokyotolondon the difference is your DC's do it twice a week, five days a week is very different.

Chocolatefreak · 13/04/2022 08:38

Childcare is necessary but the alternative has to be a shorter working day. Working hours are too long, I feel. I have done both - stayed at home for a while with my son, feeling depressed at my lack of independence but equally loving the time time spent with him.

Then, working full time, always with one eye in the clock, panicking at workload, rushing to pick him up from childcare, the guilt when he was the last one to be collected, it's horrible. I was also constantly calculating who was actually raising my son. When he was at school followed by childcare (7.30-6.30), and I had only that one precious hour before bedtime it was them, not me, who was bringing him up.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 13/04/2022 08:48

What's the alternative that's realistic for most people? Did you post to a) make full time working parents feel shit or b) justify why you want to be a SAHM?

Cos I wouldn't do the latter. You'll likely be fucked if your relationship breaks down. Definitely keep your job and financial independence.

We're fortunate to have a full time nanny from 7am to 6pm, as nursery hours weren't long enough. We still use a nursery for 2 mornings a week though as young kids benefit from the socialisation.

Interested to read your next post on this.

NothingIsWrong · 13/04/2022 08:49

Don't do it then. Some of us have no choice. Stop trying to make others feel guilty for their choices

SafelySoftly · 13/04/2022 08:59

There’s a lot of judging on mumsnet but this is one of the best. And ultimately clearly a wind up. Working parents without family support have little choice.

crossstitchingnana · 13/04/2022 09:06

I agree OP, even if needs must, it's a long time. There have been studies to show that seemingly content children have raised cortisol levels at day care. They are separated from primary care givers. But, with cost of living what it is what choice do parents have? Although nursery fees often wipe out one person's wages, from those around me.

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