To think 8am to 6pm at nursery/school+wraparound is just too much

[magicsoosh]

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs

@Ohmnomnom a very valid point. I did similar and am clawing my way back to having a career again.

My DS is in nursery 8-4(ish) for five days a week and I also agree it’s more than ideal. He doesn’t seem to be suffering any adverse effects but I just think it would be better three days, ideally.

But it is what it is.

@OfstedOffred tbh I didn’t really want DS to be cared for by a childminder; and none of my friends made this choice either. I don’t really see it as necessarily a calmer environment. My main concern was him bundled in the pushchair or car twice a day for school runs.

@KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa are you taking the piss? surely if you didn’t have your lovely family childcare 4 days a week you would NEED to look at other options, eh like 90% of parents.

OP, it’s 7 till 6.30 at my DS’s nursery and I must admit I think it’s a long, long day but what’s the alternative for some people. Nobody is going to be paying their bills.

We are fortunate he is only in 1 day a week 9.30 till 2.30 (upping to 2 soon) but I recognise that’s fortunate. I have family to look after him and as I WFH it makes things easier. I am one of the lucky ones with a company who do flexible working but it’s just not how it should be yet. Working parents need more flexibility and more options!

Some parents are not blessed with "the choice" ... no point in discussion/ shaming then!

My kids done it for years and is fine but sure, tell me how bad it is.

So what’s my option? I’m a lone parent with no family near by, and an ex that never has her. I work full time in a job where I earn too much to get any benefits, but the compromise is she goes to wrap around care.

What’s my option? I give up a good career and stop being able to provide for us, and stop being able to save for my child’s future? I find a job that pays less for less hours? We financially struggle but that’s ok, because she’s not at wrap around care so much.

Please tell me what the solution is, seeing as you clearly have one as you believe wrap around care is so terrible.

My son is at nursery 9-6, 4 days a week. He plays for the entire day and can have a nap if he wants. He doesn't find it too arduous. My daughter goes to afterschool club until 5:30. They have a snack then just play and do anything they want. I have to drag her away.
Maybe it's not ideal but my kids are happy and I need to work.

You're right OP, it's a lot.

Sadly very few have an alternative. I've been there and know both my kids would have benefitted from a few extra hours at home but it just wasn't feasible money wise.

Your post comes across as rather judgemental though, I hope that judgement is reserved for those responsible for making a two parent full time working household struggle to afford basics and not for two parents struggling to provide for their kids so having them in wrap around care.

I think we can all agree that these a very long hours.

If we don't get defensive about our alleged childcare "choices", which aren't really choices at all, we can examine things critically.

Long nursery hours shouldn't be the only option for the children of working parents.

For example, other European countries have longer paid maternity leaves, more affordable one-one care, better part-time jobs and/or the ability to compress hours.

In other cultures, the extended family also step in to help to raise children and care for elderly family.

If enough families pushed back, the government and businesses would have to come up with a better solution for small children than 50-hours of nursery per week.

@MissEDashwood19 I agree! When this topic comes up everyone gets so angry, the response is always 'it's great, my kid loves it!'
I'm astounded that after the pandemic we are looking at going back to the same old rat race of commuting for hours to answer emails in a horrible office.
Yesterday I had a rare WFH day (I'm in healthcare so not practical all the time) told my boss at two I was taking the kids out, logged back on and made up those three hours at 8. I'm sure this could be the way for most industries to allow a better work life balance for most working parents. And no I'm not advocating working whilst looking after small children but more flexibility with dads in particular asking for hybrid working rather than expecting mums to be the ones to cut hours and lose out on promotions.

Yes it is a long day but the children in my foundation 2 class that go to wraparound care everyday, cope with it and are thriving.
They are by far the most enthusiastic and outgoing members of the class, they are excelling in all areas of the curriculum and are full of confidence.

A coincidence possibly but I see this every year so maybe not!

Your post is unpleasant. Purely written to make other parents feel guilty.
I see parents like you every single day and frankly find them way more concerning/offensive than the parents who use wraparound care!

I'm sure UC would be really understanding if single Mums said they can't accept jobs because it would be "cruel" to send their kids to wraparound care. They wouldn't apply sanctions at all.

I was the child in nursery/school and wraparound from 8am-6pm (sometimes even later)- from the age of 1 until I was old enough to let myself in at around 11. My parents both worked full time with no family support and had no other option. It was fine. I’d just make sure the wraparound was really good.

@crosbystillsandmash interestingly I also would have been described as being like one of those kids. Top of my class, confident, a high achiever.

most children love to be socialising, playing and having fun in a child friendly environment.

I think this is the key, although it is a lot of hours and ideally they would have more time at home. But what about the kids that don't love it?

My DC hates after school club. Hates school too.

What am I meant to do? Family are hundreds of miles away. No childminders that have space. I've already reduced my hours so DC only has to go there three times a week. Even that's tricky. I'm constantly having to turn down meetings that start at 3 or 4pm. The type of job I do isn't compatible with school hours only. So it's quit work, or send DC.

There was no before school care when I was at Primary school. However the school did allow parents to drop off at 8am with permission... but there was no watching us. Teachers could use us for jobs though. Generally older juniors In Yr6 however I was presented with a reception aged child and told she was my responsibility in the mornings until her teacher fetched her...

So at least its formal childcare now!

It is a lot but most working parents have no choice. We don't all have the luxury or supportive family around to offer childcare alternatives. Also it's pretty difficult to find a part time job in many if not most industries I've found.

Yesterday I had a rare WFH day (I'm in healthcare so not practical all the time) told my boss at two I was taking the kids out, logged back on and made up those three hours at 8. I'm sure this could be the way for most industries to allow a better work life balance for most working parents

People recommend this all the time - if you WFH then you can pick the kids up early and then make up the hours in the evening! I do this from time to time for a specific reason but surely people can see that the adult having absolutely no downtime in this way isn't a permanent solution?

I also remember that the only upsetting thing about it for me was how unusual it was. I was the only kid in my primary class being collected by the childminder while all of the other kids were being collected by their mums at 3.30 every day (this was the 90’s and I seem to remember most/all mums either worked part time or didn’t work at all). I think if more children had been doing it and it had been the ‘norm’ I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid.

That's more hours than most full time jobs

You realise people have to get from the childcare facility to their full time job and back again? How would it work if they were in childcare for less time than the parents worked?

Nope its fine. It's not a loud environment. Maybe your nursery is but mine was lovely, they got time in the sensory room and garden. Snacks and meals. Not any full time jobs where you get a nap twice a day either.

Mine are older now. They are fine.

@KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa

I think it's a bit sad babies are put in childcare for these hours, I'm not sure I'd have had children if I had to do it. I returned from maternity leave recently and I'm incredibly fortunate my parents look after our youngest 4 days a week at our house. I wfh and do compressed hours. It means he's only downstairs if I need/want to see him (I still breastfeed) and he isn't away from his familiar surroundings. I've no idea how anyone drops a baby off for those hours, I'd also find it hard leaving them in a strangers care when they can't yet talk. I understand people have to do this to work, but it's not something I'd want personally, it must be so distressing for them at first too.

But you do use nearly full-time childcare, you just get your parents to do it! Surely you can see that most people don't have family members who are willing to do this - it's an absolutely enormous ask?

Yep it was my life as a child and I hated it. All so my mum could have a career she dumped at 50. I'm lucky I've maintained a career as has husband but we ve negotiated flexibility worked evenings etc which is tiring for us but we feel strongly better for the kids. If you have to do it for money you should with no guilt kids needs to be fed but if there is another choice it should be taken

It's a necessity for many people and a lot of women (and yes is almost always women), already feel guilty about it. Good for you if you don't need to but we'll done for making women who don't have a choice feel even more shit. Congratulations.