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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 8am to 6pm at nursery/school+wraparound is just too much

571 replies

magicsoosh · 13/04/2022 03:57

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs

OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 13/04/2022 09:14

What a horrible way to dump on parents who don't have a choice.

Do you honestly think people stick their babies in 8am-6pm childcare so they can waft around doing whatever they want? Or perhaps they do it because they just don't love their child as much as you do.
Or maybe, if they don't, they can't afford a roof over their heads or food in their mouths?

Crack on. I must be such a shit mum because I cant afford to not work. What a cunt I am.

TokenGinger · 13/04/2022 09:25

It's a long day, but my toddler has no concept of time. He loves nursery. It's not like school, where it's regimented by lesson times etc. It's fun. He plays with his friends all day - outdoors, climbing frames, bikes, in the forest school area, indoors in the sand boxes, playing with the small world area, cars, painting, crafts, playing with the car garages, etc.

Honestly, he has much more fun in one day than he would at home and he has his friends around him.

As fun as I try to make it at home for him, we'd never get through all of those things in one day and he doesn't have the company of friends at home either.

He absolutely loves nursery.

Giraffesandbottoms · 13/04/2022 09:48

YANBU it’s a very long day

CaptainMerica · 13/04/2022 10:05

It is a long day, but nurseries understand this, and IME they are good at making sure it's not a problem. E.g. naps when needed, plenty of downtime with books/"smartboard" as well as full on activities, time to run wild outdoors, etc.

In some ways it is better to have them there, given their tea, and when you get home at 6 you can have a bit of quality time before bed. Rather than pick up earlier, and dumping them in front of the TV while you run around making dinner then clearing it up.

My experience of after school clubs has been less great, but by school age they either enjoy it or they don't, mainly down to what friends are there.

If you want to cut your work hours, OP, then feel free. You don't need to bring down other people's choices to justify it.

yellowwellingtons · 13/04/2022 10:15

It's a very long day, I used to work in a nursery and we had a few children who were there longer hours than the full time staff members. For some of those children, especially the babies and younger ones, they would picked up and go straight home to bed so would see their parents for maybe an hour or so a day. For them that is their normal though, I understand that some working parents don't have a choice especially with the cost of living at the moment, but I'm not sure that if I'd had to have done that with my children that I'd have had any in the first place.

ReceptionTA · 13/04/2022 10:16

What a horrible way to dump on parents who don't have a choice.

And this totally shuts down the discussion that small children may struggle with a long day at nursery, rather than opening up the discussion about high quality child care being easily available to all.

Scottishskifun · 13/04/2022 10:18

@magicsoosh

I posted at 3am while feeding my baby...
And how are you paying for your baby?!

If your going back to work are you reliant on family for childcare?!

I could do a thread saying parents who use family for free childcare take advantage of family time aibu.....but actually is goady shite and everyone's personal circumstances are different. They do what works best for their families.

Stop being such a judgemental gob shite

Throughabushbackwards · 13/04/2022 10:19

Mine genuinely love after school club. They eat a proper tea, play outdoors and do a myriad of activities that we don't/won't/can't do at home on a daily basis. DH and I arrive home with DC at 6:15pm, all have some quality time together then bath and bedtime. We have careers that we love and prioritise spending our weekends and spare time with the DC. It's really the only way to have it "all" for people of our level of earning.

orangeisthenewpuce · 13/04/2022 10:35

I think it's a lot too OP but sometimes it's necessary.

Gazelda · 13/04/2022 10:42

I was even worse - sometimes I wasn't at home by the time DH picked DD up from nursery. I'd still be working elsewhere in the country, often not getting home until 9/10pm. So effectively not seeing DD from breakfast time until the middle of the night wake up for cuddle.

It was what was necessary, but I realise other parents must have judged me. And still do. And they still don't understand why I'm not as flexible as they'd like when it comes to meeting up in the school hols because my DD is at holiday club and I'm working. I save my precious AL for family holiday time.

DD has grown into a fun, loving, caring, inquisitive girl. She adores me and I adore her. We couldn't be closer.

So it all worked out in the end. I hope you achieve a similar relationship with your child, whatever choices you make.

YerAWizardHarry · 13/04/2022 10:43

My son has been in full time childcare since he was 8 months old. Rarely until 6 when he was little however when I was studying I worked at his after school club and we were there til 6pm every day. Now that I teach he’s not often there til the very end of the day but it’s not 3.15. He is 9 now and totally fine, it’s just what he’s used to! It’s not like it’s hard work for them, they can watch movies, play witn toys they don’t have at home, lots of crafty bits and get fed well

HRTQueen · 13/04/2022 10:59

Don’t worry op many of us feel guilty enough as it is

I had no choice single parent who needed to work and very little support

I feel guilty ds was fine though and we go through it

singingsoprano · 13/04/2022 11:18

@KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa

I think it's a bit sad babies are put in childcare for these hours, I'm not sure I'd have had children if I had to do it. I returned from maternity leave recently and I'm incredibly fortunate my parents look after our youngest 4 days a week at our house. I wfh and do compressed hours. It means he's only downstairs if I need/want to see him (I still breastfeed) and he isn't away from his familiar surroundings. I've no idea how anyone drops a baby off for those hours, I'd also find it hard leaving them in a strangers care when they can't yet talk. I understand people have to do this to work, but it's not something I'd want personally, it must be so distressing for them at first too.
You do realise not all parents have this option, don't you? How very smug of you to judge other mums for working when that's exactly what you are doing.
LeastofLeicester · 13/04/2022 11:28

I agree OP. I prefer to leave my 2yo in the comfort of his own home. Just plonk him in front of the TV with a bowl of cheerios and tell him mummy will be home after work. Much better than the horrible childminder looking after him, doing nice activities to help his development while he learns social skills and has fun.

SockFluffInTheBath · 13/04/2022 11:31

@magicsoosh

I posted at 3am while feeding my baby...
PFB moment that you’ll never do that, or feeling the need to share a magic solution with parents who have no choice but to abandon their children to the seventh circle of hell for 20 hours per day?
SockFluffInTheBath · 13/04/2022 11:31

*10 hours…

BogRollBOGOF · 13/04/2022 11:50

My two were fine with 8-6 in nursery.
8-6 in breakfast club/ school/ after school club was too much for DS1 and that's cost me my career. It was viable for me to become a SAHM, if it wasn't then I'd have had to try and find a workable alternative and plough on. Being a SAHM has its own costs.

Nursery had much more free-play and DS1 napped until he left because he was able to shut down in the book corner when his brain was full. School was more intense and the wrap-around care too crowded and busy. It turns out that he has ASD. DS2 would cope better.

A child minder could have been a better alternative, but they're harder to get places with. No other options avaliable for us.

Most parents do their best in limited circumstances.

Hortensiateapot · 13/04/2022 12:22

@MrsTerryPratchett

Is this another goady plopper?

They're everywhere at the moment. Plopping out their goady plops.

Is it the school holidays? Grin
Jobseeker19 · 13/04/2022 12:27

It is too much and as a nursery nurse I can tell you that the children who are there from 7 30 till 6 have the most attachment issues and become a nightmare from around 4 o'clock.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 13/04/2022 12:27

@magicsoosh

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs
Of course it’s more than full time jobs, its so the parents and travel to/for work and to work.
Furrbabymama87 · 13/04/2022 12:29

Yeah it is a lot. When I worked in a nursery there were a few kids ( not many) who did Monday to Friday 7.45 - 6, some as young as 6 months. That can't have been good for either the parents or baby. In an ideal world they wouldn't have been there that long, but obviously that was their parent's only option and they were doing their best. But yes it is a lot.

Comedycook · 13/04/2022 12:34

I'm not judging but I know my DC would have been absolutely exhausted if they had gone to school and been in wraparound care from 8-6 every day of the week. By the time you get home, you barely have two hours before it's time for bed. It is far from ideal but if people have to work, then theres no choice.

However, my sil would do this...her dh earns loads and she has a property portfolio. I thought she was absolutely mad putting her school age DC in full time wrap around care and spending her life dashing round when financially she didn't have to work.

Still, it has absolutely no impact on my life so obviously I wouldn't say anything.

jellybe · 13/04/2022 12:42

Is this your first baby? If you don't want them going to long nursery days don't send them it isn't the law but I assume you already know that and are now have a PFB moment cause how could your darling manage being away from you for so long Hmm
Well guess what some of us don't have that option as flexi working isn't a thing in many many jobs i.e. midwifery (you know those lovely people who helped you bring you baby into the world)

So unless you have an actual point jog on with your judgmental post and remember not everyone has a choice if they want to be able to feed/ cloth their kids as well as pay the bills.

Volhhg · 13/04/2022 12:45

Yes it is too long. But what else can people do, this is how society is in this country both parents have to work. Hopefully the staff make it a comfortable and stress free environment for the children and it won't feel like a working day. I know that the people I know who do this as a job are very kind and patient people who go far beyond the pittance they're paid for being nursery/childcare jobs.

yaboreme · 13/04/2022 12:58

It is a long day I agree.

My son has been in childcare since 15 months... 07:30-5-5:30 I don't have any support and I need my job otherwise me and said child don't have a house, food or clothes...

It isn't some sort of abuse, simply a means to an end. It would be nice to have grandparents and family to help but we don't. Just me and DH. I'd love to have the security of being at home and not having to work but I don't.

I hope my son will one day understand that I didn't 'dump' him at nursery, I did it for us as nothing comes for free unfortunately.

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