To think we are going to have to decline any further notice wedding invites

[howdowemanage]

DH and I have a lot of friends from uni, the type you see once a year and FaceTime every few months- so dear old friends but not best close friends.

We're on our 5th wedding invite for 2023 so far. 1 is my bother, and the other 4 fall into the friend group above. None of the weddings are close to home so will all be at least one night in a hotel. I'm just not sure how we will manage to afford to go to all these weddings (travel, hotel, gift money) and definitely won't be able to get childcare for all 5 weekends. And that's before the stag and hen do invites start coming...

Just feel rubbish as we love them all and want to be there to celebrate them all, but probably can't, and god I just really cba with the inevitable upset when we can't do it all for all of them (we're the only ones with kids and afaik money issues so I'm sure everyone else will be there for all of it).

Sorry for the rant. Can anyone empathise

Anyway I forgot the point of my thread- having received invite to wedding 5 today, what the hell do I do if they keep coming???

I think the only thing you can do is decline any more that come in. Give childcare as a reason.

2023 seems so far ahead, when do you need to decide by?
Brother’s wedding is family, so maybe go to that one but decline the others. It would be unfair to go to one friend’s wedding but not the others.

Decline all from now on.

Did they all come to your wedding?

It's just that time of life. I had no holidays for a couple of years, but paid a lot in trailfinders vouchers for those years...

It only lasts for a few years. It's a bit busier as some of these will be Covid delayed. In 5 years you will be lucky if you get one invite a year.

I did 8 weddings in one year. It was a slog but it was the natural peak in my friendships group. I would go but resolve not to attend the second weddings.

Everyone has That Year when everyone gets married, I think! DH and I had been together about 18 months when his brother and all uni mates who'd hit 30 and been with their partners a while got hitched. Eight weddings that year. Only two involved a hotel, though. And the latter being optional on our part because we had two weddings in a row that weekend and it was easier to stay as they were near one another. And we didn't have kids at that point.

Maybe you and DH can take it in turns to go to some of the weddings? But it sounds like you're not too bothered about it, so maybe just decline on childcare grounds.

Taking it in turn is a good idea!

We had a few years like this. Only three weddings this year, so it calms down. We did try to go to as many as possible. We also had the problem that we couldn’t get childcare every other weekend for a few months so then we went to ones where our children were invited, or were local so only one afternoon/evening of babysitting and saved the child free weekend away invites for our closest friends.

You must be about 29/30?
I remember 2001! The year of the Wedding-Every-Fucking-Weekend

They do tail off. Until.....
2020 - 1
2021 - 1
And not just "Cos Covid"

This year I am expecting...0

I now decline and don’t have kids
It’s too expensive and they barely have time for guests unless it’s small

Do the weddings, decline the hens and stags and be honest it's about money so they understand. I'm 47 now and I get no weddings, just funerals, so enjoy it while you can.

I think it’s quite rude to ask people to save the date more than a year in advance. It’s forcing people to attend your wedding as most of us don’t have holidays etc planned that far ahead. Tradition used to be you told the date to the key people then sent out invitations about 4 months before.

I'm 47 now and I get no weddings, just funerals, so enjoy it while you can.

Same here. We won't see 60 again, and get invited to more funerals than weddings. We have been to two weddings over the last 12 years, and they were only the reception/evening do.

Someone I know had 9 weddings to go to between April and September one year.

Her and her husband’s annual leave was absolutely buggered, it cost them a fortune, but not going to them would have decimated their social circle. It cost them a fortune and they were up and down the country for literally years in advance with hens and stags and stuff.

The only saving grace was they had no kids otherwise it would have been even more horrendous.

I sat listening to all this as she steadily got more worn down by all the wedding stuff and thought it would have been far easier to decline them all.

Could you attend the wedding but decline the hen/stag & just be honest about why? Surely they would rather you go to the main event.

It's really difficult.
Dare I say, "back in my day," ( I'm late 50s) you just received a wedding invite to a relatively near church and a nearby venue afterwards/or evening do.
Hen/stag nights were for the younger crowd and were at a pub/club . So easily doable.

People now live seem to live much further apart from friends and families so there's now, commuting costs and staying over.
The trend, for some years , also seems to be destination weddings and destination hen/stag dos.
I find this really selfish as, given the number of complaining threads on MN over recent years, many people just can't afford it.
Throw in difficulties with childcare and the almost normal demands that weddings should be childfree, it becomes untenable for so many people...let's not forget that outfits need buying as well as gifts.

Given that so many, many people are now juggling heating/food/childcare costs now, I would hope that some bridal couples would 'read the room' when it comes to their dream wedding preparations.

Sadly , I think bridal couples will carry on regardless

I really think that bridal couples need to think hard about the guests that they've invited instead of getting pissed off that their matron of honour has bright blue hair or that the best man is scared of flying.

I'd make it happen, too hard to choose between them

The glut will even out over the years

Are you late 20s / early 30s by any chance? We had 6 weddings in 2008 including 3 in 8 days - one of which was abroad! That was…erm…. interesting!

All I can say is - 14 years later I long to be invited to a wedding. My last one was years ago.

Embrace it whilst it lasts - you’ll then get a couple of years of respite before the Christenings. And then a depressing silence other than the odd divorce party and funeral.

As long as they are far ahead you can minimise costs - book a cheap nearby hotel eg premier inn 12 months ahead, scour charity shops for clothes, set a gap on the gift that you can afford

@SkoolShoes

You must be about 29/30? I remember 2001! The year of the Wedding-Every-Fucking-Weekend

They do tail off. Until.....
2020 - 1
2021 - 1
And not just "Cos Covid"

This year I am expecting...0

Ha yes! When I was in late 20s/early 30s I went though the same!

Now I have absolutely none.

They do crowd together, OP, and I remember resenting the cost so I do know how you feel, but then they absolutely disappear for a while.

@Rodedooda

Did they all come to your wedding?

It's just that time of life. I had no holidays for a couple of years, but paid a lot in trailfinders vouchers for those years...

We had a 20 person covid wedding and none were invited

@SkoolShoes

You must be about 29/30? I remember 2001! The year of the Wedding-Every-Fucking-Weekend

They do tail off. Until.....
2020 - 1
2021 - 1
And not just "Cos Covid"

This year I am expecting...0

Spot on

@zurala

Do the weddings, decline the hens and stags and be honest it's about money so they understand. I'm 47 now and I get no weddings, just funerals, so enjoy it while you can.

I can't afford to enjoy it though, is the point.