To think we are going to have to decline any further notice wedding invites

[howdowemanage]

DH and I have a lot of friends from uni, the type you see once a year and FaceTime every few months- so dear old friends but not best close friends.

We're on our 5th wedding invite for 2023 so far. 1 is my bother, and the other 4 fall into the friend group above. None of the weddings are close to home so will all be at least one night in a hotel. I'm just not sure how we will manage to afford to go to all these weddings (travel, hotel, gift money) and definitely won't be able to get childcare for all 5 weekends. And that's before the stag and hen do invites start coming...

Just feel rubbish as we love them all and want to be there to celebrate them all, but probably can't, and god I just really cba with the inevitable upset when we can't do it all for all of them (we're the only ones with kids and afaik money issues so I'm sure everyone else will be there for all of it).

Sorry for the rant. Can anyone empathise

Different friendship groups - same dress

How do I decline a hen do - because you are at a wedding that weekend!

Seriously you just have to say you are unavailable.

Do you both need to go to the weddings? Do you need to go to the hens/stags?
Id decline all hens/stags, go to whatever weddings i could alone or DP go alone, buy outfits preloved and sell afterwards

@Motherdare

I think it’s quite rude to ask people to save the date more than a year in advance. It’s forcing people to attend your wedding as most of us don’t have holidays etc planned that far ahead. Tradition used to be you told the date to the key people then sent out invitations about 4 months before.

Hardly rude. You're not forced to go. If anything it's better to have as much notice as possible.

Honestly I wouldn’t get myself into debt for it. I had to decline one last year - only I was invited - and I couldn’t justify the cost of train, hotel, outfit, drinks which would have come to well over £200 just for me to go so I just did the hen do as it wasn’t an extravagant one. We also have another in a few weeks, no children invited and will again be travel and a hotel so I declined the hen do this time, as again I couldn’t justify how even many hundreds of pounds just for myself to go. I think be picky and either do hen or wedding, not both. I get they’re your friends but then they should understand if you explain it’s just too much money when you could have to sacrifice a family holiday etc for the sake of a hen do. If they don’t understand then well they can’t be that good a friend!!

I think, and DP would agree, that we probably wouldn't want to go on our own. Firstly because everyone else's partners would be there so would be a shame, but also because if it's going to cost hundreds still (which it likely would as a lot of costs are the same - petrol, hotel, gifts) it feels even more wasteful if we don't get to enjoy it as a couple.

I know technically it's an option and we might have to end up doing it if we can't get either set of grandparents, but I think it's a bit shit, and if it's because it's a no children wedding I would probably consider not going citing 'childcare' as the reason.

Decline stag and hen do. Small token gift (bottle of champagne £17?). Airbnb

Decline decline decline. A big do, with friends they dont regularly see is a bit conspicuous in a financial crash isn't it?

It doesn’t HAVE to cost a fortune. & it doesn’t HAVE to involve hotels.

You can still be there for your friends. Drive there and back in a day. Might be a REAL SLOG & you wouldn’t drink - but ultimately (unless it’s a pre paid for bar) that would bring your cost down too.

You can wear the same outfit more than once!

I know fuel is expensive at the moment and driving the length and breadth of the country is exhausting, but it’s a way to attend, explain to your friends you want to be there and this is the only affordable way for you.

If they’re real friends they’ll understand.
Perhaps not fully now. But maybe in a couple of years when they have children too.

If you can afford/face that option, tell your friends. At the end of the day you are bums in seats they might be able to invite other to have a or couple of £100 saving for them in the cost of the day.

Be honest. But do it now.

Hopefully they’ll say to confirm when they’ve sent the invitations, but at least your are planting the thought for them and explaining your current position.

…… or maybe hubby can do a stag or two and you not bitter with those weddings. One or the other?

To add. But if they’re real friends, even if I didn’t attend I’d still send a card ! & perhaps a gift. Even if it’s a £20 voucher as an acknowledgment if that’s affordable.

If you want to make a fuss - send it via the best man to be read with the speeches (though a text could do that!) …. Or if you want it to be personal send it to “the new mr &mrs” to be opened after the date, but to arrive a few days early.