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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum was being rude?

182 replies

Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 10:59

Just came back from a trip to London with my mum and we spent the night in a 5* hotel. We both love London and my mum had a voucher to use a hotel for an overnight stay so thought it was perfect.

She doesn’t really get to experience staying in hotels so I decided to book the room in my name as I have status with this particular hotel and because of that - we were upgraded to a two bedroom suite from a basic room. It was so opulent (think marble bathrooms, so much space in the bedrooms) and her reaction really surprised me! She didn’t say anything about the fact there are two bedrooms and a living room as opposed to a twin room. I asked her have you noticed we have been upgraded once we were in the room for an hour and she responses with “yeah it’s nice” in the most monotone way possible. She acted like this was something she does every time she comes to London and checks in into a hotel.
We went to visit my sister who was staying at Travelodge and she was more impressed with the Travelodge than the hotel we stayed in.

AIBU to think she was being rude?

OP posts:
Qwill · 12/04/2022 11:05

Doesn’t sound rude unless there is a big backstory?!! Maybe she was hoping for more of a reaction from you considering it was her voucher?!

Uafasach · 12/04/2022 11:06

I don't see how she was being rude really; she was paying for it.

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 11:07

@Qwill I was extremely grateful that she paid using the voucher. I said thanks for inviting me and letting us stay here. I was just surprised by a lack of reaction to the upgrade

OP posts:
JamSandwich89 · 12/04/2022 11:07

What did you want her to do? Compliment the rooms a lot?

HardbackWriter · 12/04/2022 11:08

So her voucher paid for it? She was probably waiting for you to stop being so rude and gush about the room and how grateful you were to her!

LadyTwinkle · 12/04/2022 11:09

Maybe she was upset because it was supposed to be her treat for you? and you unintentionally turned it into your treat to her?

Cheeseandlobster · 12/04/2022 11:10

What a weird post. It's like you want her to gush about how "your status" and how wonderful it is.

FlissyPaps · 12/04/2022 11:10

Is she the type of person that doesn’t like a fuss or anything extravagant? She may have felt a bit embarrassed or out of her depth/shocked if it’s not something she’s used to.

Toponeniceone · 12/04/2022 11:11

Perhaps she wanted to treat you for a change and it ended up with you using your clout yo get the treat. She might think yabu as if what she had planned wasn't hood enough.

Besides all this, we would definitely be oohing and aahhing at an upgrade.

Seeline · 12/04/2022 11:13

I think you stole her thunder and her treat!

She sounds as though staying at a 5* hotel would've have been a real treat for her, and she was pleased to be able to let you share it with you.

But you picked the hotel because you had 'status' there (?!) and spoilt what she thought she was giving you by trumping her offering.

TheHoleNineYards · 12/04/2022 11:14

You were rude.
She wanted to treat you.
Her treat wasn’t enough for you so you used your ‘status’ to ‘improve’ it. Then you wanted thanking for it.
Apologise to your mum. Be grateful for future gifts.

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 11:15

Yes I am aware that her voucher is the reason why we were staying there however I thought seeing the photos online versus actually arriving into the room and seeing something completely different she’d react differently. She isn’t aware that I have status nor that I upgraded us so she didn’t ask what’s happened to the original room, how did we get this…

OP posts:
StrangeCondition · 12/04/2022 11:15

Yep, you made it all about you and without saying the words, told her the room she'd booked wasn't good enough.

She wasn't the rude one

stayathomegardener · 12/04/2022 11:17

I once wangled my mum a seat in the cockpit for a landing into Sri Lanka, she moaned at the stewardess about being woken up 🤷‍♀️
I do understand, my mum has a delayed gratification chip that means she misses out showing any gratitude to me but will then gush all over friends later so I do get it secondhand Hmm

GooglyEyeballs · 12/04/2022 11:17

It was her treat that you were staying on the hotel and you're pissed that she's not thanking you for it..? Confused

Toottooot · 12/04/2022 11:18

Maybe she’s just not impressed by fancy hotels and ‘status.’

Womencanlift · 12/04/2022 11:18

I think she was overwhelmed. My mum can be like this although it’s not rude in her case it’s just because she isn’t used to that level of luxury that when it happens (because I have been in the lucky position to treat her) she doesn’t quite know what to say

cameocat · 12/04/2022 11:19

You sound very materialistic. All about status, 5* hotels, how much luxury, hiw impressed your mum should be. Perhaps this makes your mum uncomfortable and I suspect there is another side from her. Eg your princess attitude and expectations (eg less impressive room but one that included your travel lodge sister).

stayathomegardener · 12/04/2022 11:20

I'm trying not to be so spectacularly ungrateful to DD

And I disagree with previous posters in these circumstances I'd be super excited about a lovely room but then you might have to explain the circumstances in which instance I'd be super proud my Dd (you) had influence and chose to share the benefits with me.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 12/04/2022 11:20

So, she doesnt really get to do fancy hotel rooms but had a voucher and wanted to treat you. Then you book it under your name, get a better room and now she feels like you've taken her treating you and made it about you treating her.

She was maybe overwhelmed and a bit worried that you'd dine something/added money to the voucher or something and it was no longer her treating you to a nice hotel.

And she isnt wrong. You clearly want it to be about you. You wanted her to ask, you wanted her to gush and you wanted to be able to say that your status got you an upgrade.

You were belittling her and her attempt to treat you. You should have just told her when she showed you the voucher. Just mentioned you have points with them and will get an upgrade and thanks to her voucher, it's free. Thanks mum, that's brilliant etc.

Danikm151 · 12/04/2022 11:21

Sometimes opulence can be intimidating.

IncompleteSenten · 12/04/2022 11:23

You just decided to take over and book it in your name and you didn't say oh I can get us a really good deal because of my 'status' so as far as she's aware, you just took her treat and her voucher and took control of it. You say she isn't aware of your status or that you got the upgrade because of it which means you never asked her if she'd like you to see what you could get. You just took over.

And you think she's being rude?

Ozanj · 12/04/2022 11:23

My DH is like you. Travels alot so has status with most UK hotels and is always upgrading rooms even when the original isn’t bad. I just find the entire process exhausting - sometimes you just want to go into a hotel and chill & not waste time negotiating with the hotel manager.

SevenWaystoLeave · 12/04/2022 11:24

@Hairbrush123

Yes I am aware that her voucher is the reason why we were staying there however I thought seeing the photos online versus actually arriving into the room and seeing something completely different she’d react differently. She isn’t aware that I have status nor that I upgraded us so she didn’t ask what’s happened to the original room, how did we get this…
So if she doesn't know the upgrade is your doing, how is she supposed to know that she's meant to gush about it in front of you to show her gratitude?
Brefugee · 12/04/2022 11:24

did you want her to fall on her knees praising your higher status?