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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum was being rude?

182 replies

Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 10:59

Just came back from a trip to London with my mum and we spent the night in a 5* hotel. We both love London and my mum had a voucher to use a hotel for an overnight stay so thought it was perfect.

She doesn’t really get to experience staying in hotels so I decided to book the room in my name as I have status with this particular hotel and because of that - we were upgraded to a two bedroom suite from a basic room. It was so opulent (think marble bathrooms, so much space in the bedrooms) and her reaction really surprised me! She didn’t say anything about the fact there are two bedrooms and a living room as opposed to a twin room. I asked her have you noticed we have been upgraded once we were in the room for an hour and she responses with “yeah it’s nice” in the most monotone way possible. She acted like this was something she does every time she comes to London and checks in into a hotel.
We went to visit my sister who was staying at Travelodge and she was more impressed with the Travelodge than the hotel we stayed in.

AIBU to think she was being rude?

OP posts:
ThisisMax · 12/04/2022 12:55

I have mates like you - its always 'I know someone here' - 'I can get a better table' - 'I can get an upgrade' - 'I can get us into the private lounge' its boring really and happens only because they have such poor self esteem that they think getting better treatment will somehow make up for their poor view of themselves. Your mum paid - just be grateful that YOU got to go for free - forget about the upgrade it matters only to you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/04/2022 12:56

She isn’t aware that I have status

I don't even know what this means. Do you think you more important than 'normal' people?

7eleven · 12/04/2022 12:56

@LadyTwinkle

Maybe she was upset because it was supposed to be her treat for you? and you unintentionally turned it into your treat to her?
I came on to say exactly this. You stole her thunder OP, with good intentions. Perhaps she wanted to treat you for once?
Cillmantain · 12/04/2022 12:56

Your mother wasn't rude,you were.
You sound very patronising.

NotTheOW · 12/04/2022 12:59

@Hairbrush123

Yes I am aware that her voucher is the reason why we were staying there however I thought seeing the photos online versus actually arriving into the room and seeing something completely different she’d react differently. She isn’t aware that I have status nor that I upgraded us so she didn’t ask what’s happened to the original room, how did we get this…
She might have just been tired. If she didn't know you had upgraded etc then it's not really rude? If you'd booked the room or something and was a bit off then I can see where you're coming from. But as far as she knew she got what her voucher entitled her to?
lemongreentea · 12/04/2022 12:59

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

She isn’t aware that I have status

I don't even know what this means. Do you think you more important than 'normal' people?

It's loyalty schemes with hotels that give you gold, silver status so you can collect extra points, have some perks.
lemongreentea · 12/04/2022 12:59

@ThisisMax

I have mates like you - its always 'I know someone here' - 'I can get a better table' - 'I can get an upgrade' - 'I can get us into the private lounge' its boring really and happens only because they have such poor self esteem that they think getting better treatment will somehow make up for their poor view of themselves. Your mum paid - just be grateful that YOU got to go for free - forget about the upgrade it matters only to you.
This
Nietzschethehiker · 12/04/2022 13:03

I think often people don't realise how they come across, both you and her. Dp used to have this tendency when I first met him. So for example. His dm loves horses. Always has. They grew up incredibly poor and so when he could first afford it he booked her a horse ride. He relates the story to me that he was frustrated and upset that she wasn't effusive with her thanks. He is not showy at all , he instinctively isn't the big I am in anything. So he wouldn't have made a big deal with it.

Through discussion he realised that he wanted her reaction so he knew he had made her happy but hadn't realised that he came across as wanting her to prostrate herself and tell him how wonderful he was (he isn't like this at all he really isn't but his communication is crap and he came across differently to how he had meant it).

I know his dm had been upset that he felt the need to do this as she perceived that it was a comment that she hadn't brought him up with enough as a child. They being poor had been something he needed to fix.

Both meant well, both communicated badly. However dp has had to learn the second he judges the level of thanks negatively or appreciation negatively, whether he means to or not he is being judgy and making it about him needing validation. He had to learn that lesson again when unasked he fixed my bike for me and then got upset when I didn't use it straight away.

I ont think you meant badly but the second you get judgy about someone's response you have made it about your validation and not a nice thing.

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 13:03

I love the way some people have made assumptions of me simply for saying “I have status”. No - I do not believe I am better than anyone else nor am I materialistic (HmmConfused). She definitely wasn’t upset that I stole her thunder, made her feel like her gift wasn’t enough. She has always wanted to visit this hotel (she’s been talking about it for years). So when I said let’s see if I can make it more exciting for her, that is what I meant. I mentioned as I have status as this post would have been irrelevant without it!

OP posts:
Ijustreallywantacat · 12/04/2022 13:04

I’m just surprised you didn’t offer your sister and dad over to stay! I’d have snuck mine in!

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 13:07

@Nietzschethehiker

I think often people don't realise how they come across, both you and her. Dp used to have this tendency when I first met him. So for example. His dm loves horses. Always has. They grew up incredibly poor and so when he could first afford it he booked her a horse ride. He relates the story to me that he was frustrated and upset that she wasn't effusive with her thanks. He is not showy at all , he instinctively isn't the big I am in anything. So he wouldn't have made a big deal with it.

Through discussion he realised that he wanted her reaction so he knew he had made her happy but hadn't realised that he came across as wanting her to prostrate herself and tell him how wonderful he was (he isn't like this at all he really isn't but his communication is crap and he came across differently to how he had meant it).

I know his dm had been upset that he felt the need to do this as she perceived that it was a comment that she hadn't brought him up with enough as a child. They being poor had been something he needed to fix.

Both meant well, both communicated badly. However dp has had to learn the second he judges the level of thanks negatively or appreciation negatively, whether he means to or not he is being judgy and making it about him needing validation. He had to learn that lesson again when unasked he fixed my bike for me and then got upset when I didn't use it straight away.

I ont think you meant badly but the second you get judgy about someone's response you have made it about your validation and not a nice thing.

Thank you. I have never seen it this way. We grew up quite poor and I was the first person in my family to go to university. She showed a similar reaction then to when I went to university. Thanks for your response.
OP posts:
Beees · 12/04/2022 13:08

I love the way some people have made assumptions of me simply for saying “I have status”. No - I do not believe I am better than anyone else nor am I materialistic

You might not be materialistic, but honestly it's hard to believe you're not, as everything you're posting is pointing towards you being materialistic.

Herecomesthesun2022 · 12/04/2022 13:08

Wow OP you’re getting a really hard time! I can understand why you’d want your mum to be just a bit excited about how nice the room was. I would want anyone I was sharing the room with to her excited too as I would be excited as well. Her reaction sounds a bit dampening but I wouldn’t say rude. If she doesn’t go to hotels much she may not appreciate how nice it was, or maybe just thought it was standard

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 13:09

@Ijustreallywantacat

I’m just surprised you didn’t offer your sister and dad over to stay! I’d have snuck mine in!
I did offer her but she said she was happy with her room at Travelodge (she got two super room bedrooms instead of a standard family room Grin) and she was happy with the location as it was right next to the railway station she used to get off in London. My dad doesn’t like going to London so wasn’t fussed about coming.
OP posts:
Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 13:10

@Beees well you can believe what you want

OP posts:
Beees · 12/04/2022 13:11

[quote Hairbrush123]@Beees well you can believe what you want[/quote]
I'm not the only one to come to that conclusion though, it might just be the way you're posting but you are not painting yourself well here.

BunsyGirl · 12/04/2022 13:19

Some weird comments on here. If you stay in hotels, sign up to their loyalty schemes. I am currently in NYC and paid £600 for a week in a five star hotel thanks to covering most of the bill with loyalty points - it should have been £400 per night! I currently have two free nights for a Marriot group hotel and one night for a IHG group hotel in the bank. Points make prizes as they say! Nothing materialistic about it. Just good financial planning!

2bazookas · 12/04/2022 13:20

@stimpyyouidiot

How do you get a 'status' in a hotel?
From hotel/hospitality staff trained in how to act "respectful servant " to ALL guests even the eejit arseholes .
Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 13:23

@BunsyGirl

Some weird comments on here. If you stay in hotels, sign up to their loyalty schemes. I am currently in NYC and paid £600 for a week in a five star hotel thanks to covering most of the bill with loyalty points - it should have been £400 per night! I currently have two free nights for a Marriot group hotel and one night for a IHG group hotel in the bank. Points make prizes as they say! Nothing materialistic about it. Just good financial planning!
Exactly this! If I were truly materialistic then I would have paid for an upgrade (which would have been ridiculous). Enjoy NYC!
OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 12/04/2022 13:23

I think your mum was underwhelmed by the whole thing.

It would have been more normal to say 'Wow! This is fabulous and thanks for booking it in your name to get an upgrade.'

Was she a bit out of her depth in what seems like a very posh hotel?

Is she always so low key about everything?

Hopspinach · 12/04/2022 13:26

Technically she wasn't being rude, as she paid for the room. But it does strike me as very odd that she was raving more about the travel lodge than the fancy hotel.

HikingforScenery · 12/04/2022 13:26

Yabu. Sounds like you want credit for something you didn’t pay for.

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 13:27

@JinglingHellsBells

I think your mum was underwhelmed by the whole thing.

It would have been more normal to say 'Wow! This is fabulous and thanks for booking it in your name to get an upgrade.'

Was she a bit out of her depth in what seems like a very posh hotel?

Is she always so low key about everything?

Well this was the sort of response I was expecting, not for me to get on her hands and knee praising me like others have suggested Hmm. She got randomly upgraded on a flight before and was gushing to me how fabulous it was from start to finish and how she’d love to experience it again so I thought this was a perfect opportunity!
OP posts:
CapMarvel · 12/04/2022 13:27

So your mum treated you to a night in a hotel and you think she is the one who should be grateful?

Presumably by booking it yourself you got the loyalty points too.

grapewines · 12/04/2022 13:27

@StrangeCondition

Yep, you made it all about you and without saying the words, told her the room she'd booked wasn't good enough.

She wasn't the rude one

Yeah. She wasn't rude at all.
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