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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum was being rude?

182 replies

Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 10:59

Just came back from a trip to London with my mum and we spent the night in a 5* hotel. We both love London and my mum had a voucher to use a hotel for an overnight stay so thought it was perfect.

She doesn’t really get to experience staying in hotels so I decided to book the room in my name as I have status with this particular hotel and because of that - we were upgraded to a two bedroom suite from a basic room. It was so opulent (think marble bathrooms, so much space in the bedrooms) and her reaction really surprised me! She didn’t say anything about the fact there are two bedrooms and a living room as opposed to a twin room. I asked her have you noticed we have been upgraded once we were in the room for an hour and she responses with “yeah it’s nice” in the most monotone way possible. She acted like this was something she does every time she comes to London and checks in into a hotel.
We went to visit my sister who was staying at Travelodge and she was more impressed with the Travelodge than the hotel we stayed in.

AIBU to think she was being rude?

OP posts:
cigarettesNalcohol · 12/04/2022 11:54

@Hairbrush123

Yes I am aware that her voucher is the reason why we were staying there however I thought seeing the photos online versus actually arriving into the room and seeing something completely different she’d react differently. She isn’t aware that I have status nor that I upgraded us so she didn’t ask what’s happened to the original room, how did we get this…
Hang on - if she didn't know it was an upgrade form you, how is she being rude for not being 'impressed' and not thanking you ? Which one is it ? How can you expect her to thank you for upgrade if she wasn't aware you got the upgrade. Doesn't make sense what you're saying. Don't get why you think she was being unreasonable. Unreasonable for not making loud noises over a big hotel room ? And ? Hardly worth getting upset about.

Your post is just bizarre...

longwayoff · 12/04/2022 11:55

It's all about ME! OP, have you noticed? Your poor ma.

TeaKlaxon · 12/04/2022 11:55

I don't think you did anything wrong in using the voucher in order to get an upgrade. That's not 'taking over' or telling her that what she planned wasn't good enough. It's perfectly normal thing to do that benefited you both.

But I don't think your DM was being rude. She said the suite was nice. There might be any reason for her not being as enthusiastic as you'd have liked - but the key point is she had no obligation to be gushing at all.

Unless she was generally off with you for the weekend, I wouldn't assume she was annoyed that you'd secured an upgrade. But YABVU to think she was rude.

IncompleteSenten · 12/04/2022 11:57

"For what it’s worth, my sister’s reaction was very different as was my dad’s when I FaceTimed him"

By that do you mean they gave the gushing praise response you expected from your mum?

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 11:58

@TeaKlaxon

I don't think you did anything wrong in using the voucher in order to get an upgrade. That's not 'taking over' or telling her that what she planned wasn't good enough. It's perfectly normal thing to do that benefited you both.

But I don't think your DM was being rude. She said the suite was nice. There might be any reason for her not being as enthusiastic as you'd have liked - but the key point is she had no obligation to be gushing at all.

Unless she was generally off with you for the weekend, I wouldn't assume she was annoyed that you'd secured an upgrade. But YABVU to think she was rude.

Finally a balanced response Hmm. Thanks
OP posts:
stimpyyouidiot · 12/04/2022 11:58

How do you get a 'status' in a hotel?

PotteringAlong · 12/04/2022 12:01

I said to her let me book the voucher and see if we can make this trip a little bit more exciting.

Pleas tell me you didn’t say this to her! She was trying to do a nice thing, you completely pissed on her chips!

I think you were the rude one here.

mrziggycoco · 12/04/2022 12:01

Sounds to me like you need people to be impressed by your financial position instead of just quietly enjoying the fruits of it yourself.

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 12:01

@stimpyyouidiot

How do you get a 'status' in a hotel?
I travel a lot with work and they put me up in a hotel. I sign up to their loyalty scheme and add my membership number to every booking. Every time I stay at this particular hotel chain, it builds my level up to thank me for my loyalty.

It’s not like I walk into the hotel and ask for an upgrade - it’s normally done on the day via the app.

OP posts:
Obelisk · 12/04/2022 12:03

If she didn't know about the upgrade, why on earth would she have been grateful and gushing to you about the room she was paying for? It was her treat to you, not yours to her.

She's probably on Gransnet right now complaining that she took her daughter to a lovely London hotel and the daughter didn't seem grateful or impressed at all.

ilovesooty · 12/04/2022 12:04

@Danikm151

Sometimes opulence can be intimidating.
I agree. Perhaps she felt overwhelmed.
Rinatinabina · 12/04/2022 12:04

Maybe she felt like she was treating you and it became apparent that you are already used to fancy stuff? So her gift may have felt a bit paltry. I wouldn’t agree with that sentiment but if I gave somebody I danno a gift set from body shop and then realised they use like molton brown or something I may feel a bit empty about a gift I was excited to give. I would perhaps feel a bit deflated

I don’t know if that makes sense. Obviously I don’t know your mum but I get really excited about free anything so would have been really delighted.

TurningUpMyStereotype · 12/04/2022 12:04

She definitely needs to be more impressed with your status and marble. 😅 I actually feel a bit embarrassed for you.

spotcheck · 12/04/2022 12:06

But if she didn't know the upgrade happened, then how was she to know that the room you got WASN'T normal for a 5* hotel?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 12/04/2022 12:09

So anyone who doesn't agree with you is not giving a balanced response? This is AIBU, but you only want 'opinions' that validate your position. Allrighty then Hmm

ElenaSt · 12/04/2022 12:11

@stimpyyouidiot

How do you get a 'status' in a hotel?
Regular bookings of hotel rooms. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 12:13

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

So anyone who doesn't agree with you is not giving a balanced response? This is AIBU, but you only want 'opinions' that validate your position. Allrighty then Hmm
If you read what I quoted to that, they called me unreasonable
OP posts:
SummerHouse · 12/04/2022 12:14

I wonder if she thought you spent money on the upgrade?

If I got upgraded for free, i would be delighted. But if someone paid for an upgrade, I would feel it was wasteful and unnecessary.

incognitoforthisone · 12/04/2022 12:16

She isn’t aware that I have status nor that I upgraded us so she didn’t ask what’s happened to the original room, how did we get this…

So the upgrade was complimentary. I didn’t know until the day we were upgraded.

So ... you booked a hotel room using her voucher, they upgraded you for free (which you didn't even know about until it actually happened on the day you arrived), and your mum didn't even know that you had been upgraded, let alone that your 'status' was the reason?!

In what way was your mum rude to not make a huge deal of something that was given to you for free, without her knowledge, and seemingly with no additional effort on your part?

I can't really see that you did anything beyond just making a booking for a hotel room.

I can see that her reaction might have been disappointing if you were expecting her to gush about the rooms, but that really isn't her fault and it wasn't rude because she had no idea that any of it was down to you.

Re the Travelodge, I suspect she was feeling guilty that you were staying in a five star place and your sister was in a Travelodge and wanted to make your sister feel better, or perhaps was just surprised that the Travelodge was nicer than she'd imagined it would be. Clearly she didn't actually think the Travelodge was a nicer hotel than yours.

redbigbananafeet · 12/04/2022 12:16

Can you address cigarettesNalcohol's comment please? Why would she thank you if you weren't making it clear you and your 'status' were responsible for the upgrade?

MrsWinters · 12/04/2022 12:18

If she isn’t aware of your status or that you used it to upgrade the room, she was probably surprised that you weren’t impressed or blown away.

ChicCroissant · 12/04/2022 12:20

The reason you are getting these responses is because you sound very patronising, OP. You expect your mum to be grateful/gushy about a treat she's providing for you. That's the wrong way round, you should be thanking her. I hope you did.

Butchyrestingface · 12/04/2022 12:20

Non-gusher in the hizzy. You haven’t met unimpressed and underwhelmed until you’ve met me. I don’t do emoting. Grin

But I don’t really understand what’s going on in this set up.

EITHER

Your mum DOES know you upgraded the room. In which case, she may be upset that her 5 ⭐️ treat to you wasn’t good enough. Sad

OR

She has no idea that your room is an upgrade on the original. In which case, what precisely is she supposed to be effusing about? Confused

Icouldabeenalawyer · 12/04/2022 12:20

Some of these responses are a bit harsh! If this was me & my dm...otherwise would be all, 'wow this is so lovely...how fab an upgrade, isn't this a treat etc etc' I'd be confused if my mum reacted like this. And no, i don't think by getting the upgrade you took over...who wouldn't love that as a treat? Only think I can think is that your dm wanted to treat you & felt disappointed that you had 'outdone' her treat....although I'm sure this wasn't your intention. I'd just ask her...'hey dm that's so much for treating me ro hotel stay, what did you think of the room? You seemed a bit disappointed'

ChicCroissant · 12/04/2022 12:21

And presumably you got more points on your card for the booking anyway.