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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum was being rude?

182 replies

Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 10:59

Just came back from a trip to London with my mum and we spent the night in a 5* hotel. We both love London and my mum had a voucher to use a hotel for an overnight stay so thought it was perfect.

She doesn’t really get to experience staying in hotels so I decided to book the room in my name as I have status with this particular hotel and because of that - we were upgraded to a two bedroom suite from a basic room. It was so opulent (think marble bathrooms, so much space in the bedrooms) and her reaction really surprised me! She didn’t say anything about the fact there are two bedrooms and a living room as opposed to a twin room. I asked her have you noticed we have been upgraded once we were in the room for an hour and she responses with “yeah it’s nice” in the most monotone way possible. She acted like this was something she does every time she comes to London and checks in into a hotel.
We went to visit my sister who was staying at Travelodge and she was more impressed with the Travelodge than the hotel we stayed in.

AIBU to think she was being rude?

OP posts:
MegaClutterSlut · 12/04/2022 11:25

I would assume as she doesn't know your status with the hotel, that she feels her choice wasn't good enough for you

Elphame · 12/04/2022 11:26

Maybe she's a lot more used to posh hotels than you know. Parents do have a life before children!

I prefer character to "opulence" personally and find most of the big ones much of a muchness, you could be anywhere in the world. I was really miffed to be "upgraded" from the Hill Club in Sri Lanka ( which is where I actually really wanted to stay) to some souless "luxury" hotel.

My reaction would probably have been - this is nice. Now where are we going?

EggBurger · 12/04/2022 11:26

Maybe she’s just not impressed by fancy hotels and ‘status.’

This. Give me a premier Inn any day. You know where you are with a premier Inn.

WTF475878237NC · 12/04/2022 11:26

My guess is she knew you arranged it and felt embarrassed or jealous that what she had sorted wasn't good enough in your mind.

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 11:28

So the upgrade was complimentary. I didn’t know until the day we were upgraded. She mentioned before always wanting to stay at this particular hotel as she has never been to London overnight. I said to her let me book the voucher and see if we can make this trip a little bit more exciting.

I thanked her for inviting me, I was very grateful as she could have invited my dad and I was looking forward to it.

OP posts:
JamSandwich89 · 12/04/2022 11:30

But, genuinely, what did you want her to do?

TheAverageUser · 12/04/2022 11:31

It sounds like she wanted to do something nice for you and it ended up with you taking it over because you got the upgrade. It might have made her feel small or unappreciated?

IncompleteSenten · 12/04/2022 11:32

Let me see if I can make this trip a bit more exciting?

That could be interpreted as you being rude you know.

Teateaandmoretea · 12/04/2022 11:33

What a weird thread.

Just give your head a wobble and crack on is my advice.

HangOnToYourself · 12/04/2022 11:34

@TheAverageUser

It sounds like she wanted to do something nice for you and it ended up with you taking it over because you got the upgrade. It might have made her feel small or unappreciated?
Agree plus it shows it's not really a treat for you as you get this treatment all the time. She was probably gushing about the travelodge your sister was in because she felt guilty to.be In such luxury by comparison and perhaps felt she should have taken your sister for the treat instead seeing as these hotels are 10 a penny to you and your 'clout'
FourTeaFallOut · 12/04/2022 11:34

Maybe she didn't want a two bedroom suite with marble floors, maybe she wanted to spend with you in a cosy standard room so that you could enjoy the treat she got for you, with you?

Anyway, even if she were rude, she's your Mum and she loves you, give her a little space to be imperfect like the rest of us.

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 11:35

I appreciate the different point of views. For what it’s worth, my sister’s reaction was very different as was my dad’s when I FaceTimed him. My sister was perplexed to why mum was being like that.

Maybe we know her better than anyone on here and know what she likes… but I can see why others might interpret my gesture as rude

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 12/04/2022 11:36

You're making her fail a test she didn't even know she was taking! I've often gone to a hotel and the rooms have been nicer than expected, or I've been upgraded. Not because I have 'status', just because of what's available. But you're expecting her to gush about it because you arranged it (the only reason you put your name on the voucher was so that this would happen, your comment that you didn't know until it happened is being very disingenuous), while at the same time not telling her that you did it.
Not commenting on how nice a room is, is not being rude. Expecting your mother to show gratitude for a present she doesn't know she's received, is!

Womencanlift · 12/04/2022 11:36

@Hairbrush123

So the upgrade was complimentary. I didn’t know until the day we were upgraded. She mentioned before always wanting to stay at this particular hotel as she has never been to London overnight. I said to her let me book the voucher and see if we can make this trip a little bit more exciting.

I thanked her for inviting me, I was very grateful as she could have invited my dad and I was looking forward to it.

Why did you say to your mum that you would book it? You say she doesn’t know about your status so when you took the voucher it may looked as if you were taking over. Then with the upgrade she maybe thought you had something to do with it. That may have come across to her that you wanted to control the weekend
EggBurger · 12/04/2022 11:37

I find it difficult to gush over things too. I might think in my head "oh, this is nice", but unless it's something major like a large lottery win or a happy resolution to an awful situation, I'm just mildly pleased. Gushing is not my thing. Maybe it's not hers.

SquishySquirmy · 12/04/2022 11:43

But if she didn't know that the upgrade was down to you, how was she being rude???

If I understand right, then as far as she knew, her voucher got the (very nice) room for you both. You booked it. Your sister is staying elsewhere, you are being treated by your mum.
You said "isn't this lovely?" She agreed, but didn't show sufficient enthusiasm in your opinion.
But how is that rude or ungrateful?

She may be gushing about the Premier Inn because your sister isn't sharing the hotel with her. Maybe she is worried about your sister being left out and doesn't want to rub her face in it. Gushing about the marvellous 5* hotel she has treated you to in front of your sister would be INCREDIBLY rude.... I hope you didn't do that?

Blossomtoes · 12/04/2022 11:44

@LadyTwinkle

Maybe she was upset because it was supposed to be her treat for you? and you unintentionally turned it into your treat to her?
This. #Team Mum.
SockFluffInTheBath · 12/04/2022 11:46

She may be gushing about the Premier Inn because your sister isn't sharing the hotel with her. Maybe she is worried about your sister being left out and doesn't want to rub her face in it. Gushing about the marvellous 5 hotel she has treated you to in front of your sister would be INCREDIBLY rude.... I hope you didn't do that?*

My first thought was she was annoyed that your sister was ‘only’ in the travel lodge while you got yourself and her a swishy suite. Why was your sister somewhere else?

Gizacluethen · 12/04/2022 11:49

My mum feels very uncomfortable in posh places, she would much prefer a travel lodge to a suit in a 5 star Hotel. We've actually left restaurants before because she was so uncomfortable it was too posh. And she will usually look annoyed when she's somewhere out of her depth even if she's really enjoying herself. I know her though and I wouldn't call her rude. It's just how she is.

ElenaSt · 12/04/2022 11:49

Maybe she saw the staff nudge, nudge, wink, wink at you when your status was mentioned and she thinks you’re on the game.

TroysMammy · 12/04/2022 11:51

My mother isn't blessed with enthusiasm or excitement either.

Gizacluethen · 12/04/2022 11:51

Actually I think you were being rude.

As far as she's aware she has paid for this room, and is probably annoyed that you haven't gushed to her about her lovely treat. And why isn't your sister staying in the hotel? Couldn't you have used your "status" to get a family room instead of a twin?

Womencanlift · 12/04/2022 11:52

@Hairbrush123

I appreciate the different point of views. For what it’s worth, my sister’s reaction was very different as was my dad’s when I FaceTimed him. My sister was perplexed to why mum was being like that.

Maybe we know her better than anyone on here and know what she likes… but I can see why others might interpret my gesture as rude

There is no ‘maybe’ about it of course you know your mum better than we do and what she likes

Makes me wonder why you posted then

KarmaStar · 12/04/2022 11:53

Your poor mum.🌈
You really don't see it do you?
Perhaps your ' status ' is blocking your view.

tkwal · 12/04/2022 11:54

Maybe she was more complimentary about Travelodge because it seemed like good value for the price ? As long as a hotel room is clean with fresh bed linen, has a spotless bathroom and the usual amenities I'm happy. Really don't see the point in spending huge amounts, like we see on TV. Even if I could afford £1000+ per night I wouldn't