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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum was being rude?

182 replies

Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 10:59

Just came back from a trip to London with my mum and we spent the night in a 5* hotel. We both love London and my mum had a voucher to use a hotel for an overnight stay so thought it was perfect.

She doesn’t really get to experience staying in hotels so I decided to book the room in my name as I have status with this particular hotel and because of that - we were upgraded to a two bedroom suite from a basic room. It was so opulent (think marble bathrooms, so much space in the bedrooms) and her reaction really surprised me! She didn’t say anything about the fact there are two bedrooms and a living room as opposed to a twin room. I asked her have you noticed we have been upgraded once we were in the room for an hour and she responses with “yeah it’s nice” in the most monotone way possible. She acted like this was something she does every time she comes to London and checks in into a hotel.
We went to visit my sister who was staying at Travelodge and she was more impressed with the Travelodge than the hotel we stayed in.

AIBU to think she was being rude?

OP posts:
AgathaX · 12/04/2022 12:22

You sound very needy.

NumberTheory · 12/04/2022 12:22

If she didn’t know the upgraded room was down to you I wonder why you interpret her lack of excitement as rudeness?

What is it about her reaction that turns it from just not being what you expected to it being offensive or impolite?

Butchyrestingface · 12/04/2022 12:27

If this was me & my dm...otherwise would be all, 'wow this is so lovely...how fab an upgrade, isn't this a treat etc etc' I'd be confused if my mum reacted like this.

You’d be confused by your mother not gushing about an upgrade she didn’t know was an upgrade? Confused

Calandor · 12/04/2022 12:27

How's it rude?

She paid for it and the upgrade was from the hotel not you 😂 She May have even been uncomfortable or felt annoyed that people 'known' to the hotel are treated better than others.

Either way she wasn't rude not to scream and shout about something that wasn't a gift or anything from you.

Lovemusic33 · 12/04/2022 12:29

It sounds like you were fishing for praise for getting a better room? Stole her thunder when it was her who paid for the room.

Tbh I wouldn’t really be too bothered about where I was staying, I have stayed in a few nice hotels but also many travel lodge type of hotels, it’s just somewhere to sleep as I’m guessing you were out most of the day enjoying London?

Beees · 12/04/2022 12:29

I'm another who is totally baffled as to why your sister wasn't also invited to join you at the posh hotel. Seems daft to have you all spread out.

Also surely you benefitted more from booking the hotel as you increased your loyalty points so goodness only knows why you have got cross at your mum for not being grateful you're so influential. Hmm

Icouldabeenalawyer · 12/04/2022 12:30

@Butchyrestingface

If this was me & my dm...otherwise would be all, 'wow this is so lovely...how fab an upgrade, isn't this a treat etc etc' I'd be confused if my mum reacted like this.

You’d be confused by your mother not gushing about an upgrade she didn’t know was an upgrade? Confused

🙄I'd be confused about her not gushing about a really lovely room. Although the OP has said that dm would have known it was an upgrade as the room they were in was not as pictured when she booked it originally.
Butchyrestingface · 12/04/2022 12:32

Tbh I wouldn’t really be too bothered about where I was staying, I have stayed in a few nice hotels but also many travel lodge type of hotels, it’s just somewhere to sleep as I’m guessing you were out most of the day enjoying London?

I’m a really light sleeper. Give me a nice B&B over the most opulent hotel ANY day of the week. At least in a B&B, they tend to be quiet and you’ve half a chance of getting a night’s sleep. Unlike hotels where you have guests wandering the corridors like ghosts at all hours of the night, or having parties in their rooms and whatnot. **

lemongreentea · 12/04/2022 12:37

You wanted to thank you for getting an upgrade for a booking she paid for?

And/or you wanted to say how clever you were to bag such an upgrade?

Do you normally have an easy relationship with your mum and sister?

Homestly you would annoy me if you kept going on about it amd acting like a beggar. Can you be a bit OTT sometimes or does you mum favour your sister and her travelodge room over you?

heartofgrass · 12/04/2022 12:38

If I upgraded to a two bed suite I'd be straight on the phone to my sister "get out of that travel lodge/premier inn/whatever and get yr ass down to the ritz!"

I'm with the Pp who said your mum probably gushed over your sisters room because she felt bad she wasn't in the huge suite with you guys

Blossomtoes · 12/04/2022 12:39

@heartofgrass

If I upgraded to a two bed suite I'd be straight on the phone to my sister "get out of that travel lodge/premier inn/whatever and get yr ass down to the ritz!"

I'm with the Pp who said your mum probably gushed over your sisters room because she felt bad she wasn't in the huge suite with you guys

This. I can’t believe it didn’t happen.
WildCoasts · 12/04/2022 12:40

Maybe she was looking forward to sharing with you for the night and the two bedrooms meant that didn't happen, so she was disappointed?

I'm not one who cares about fancy places to stay. I'm happy if it's clean. Otherwise I'm quite happy with simple and probably prefer smaller, cosier places. I wouldn't be impressed with material things like that. I'd also be more focused on the activities we went there to do. A hotel is a place to sleep and shower. Extravagance just feels excessive to me and I don't enjoy it. It seems unnecessary.

Saying you were going to make the booking and make the weekend more exciting is something I would wonder about. Wasn't it already exciting enough? Isn't the exciting thing just spending time together?

Just a few thoughts. Or - maybe your mother just didn't care and has no idea there is an issue in your mind.

Butchyrestingface · 12/04/2022 12:41

🙄I'd be confused about her not gushing about a really lovely room. Although the OP has said that dm would have known it was an upgrade as the room they were in was not as pictured when she booked it originally

No need for the eyerolls, I was quoting what you said about her not commenting on an upgrade. She isn’t necessarily going to say (quote) “how fab an upgrade” if she doesn’t know it was one. SHE might not see the room as an upgrade. If it was over the street or beside the lifts, for instance, I’d be down at front desk asking for a room change, regardless of how luxurious it was.

Alternatively she may have figured it out, and is hurt that her initially booking wasn’t good enough for her daughter.

OP has said her mother didn’t know it was an upgrade so would be helpful if she’d settle the point. Grin

Covetthee · 12/04/2022 12:42

So you wanted her to gush about what an amazing upgrade it is and for you to say ‘thanks to me’?

Did you gush about her treating you?

Its nice for people to appreciate nice things you do for them but you shouldnt do it expecting heaps of praise for it.

I love doing nice things for my mum and I never expect anything in return for it, including constant thank you’s and gushing. In fact i’d find that awkward.

I like to do it because i love her and she deserves it

Icouldabeenalawyer · 12/04/2022 12:43

Yes this also

Icouldabeenalawyer · 12/04/2022 12:44

Oops. Meant to say, seems odd not to call ds and have her over too.

PurpleHollyhocks · 12/04/2022 12:45

I think you are being rude expecting your DM to show appreciation for something she paid for with her voucher

Thisisit2022 · 12/04/2022 12:45

I get what you mean OP. If you're used to standard hotels you'd definitely remark on a fancy one, I know I would. Even if only to say "wow!"

Beees · 12/04/2022 12:46

@heartofgrass

If I upgraded to a two bed suite I'd be straight on the phone to my sister "get out of that travel lodge/premier inn/whatever and get yr ass down to the ritz!"

I'm with the Pp who said your mum probably gushed over your sisters room because she felt bad she wasn't in the huge suite with you guys

Wouldn't most people do this? I genuinely can't get my head around the fact this did not happen.
WhatAHexIGotInto · 12/04/2022 12:49

You've made this all about you and your 'status'. I don't really understand the need for your mum to be fawning over you or the rooms tbh.

hamstersarse · 12/04/2022 12:50

Did you have a nice time after the 2 second 'incident'?

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 12/04/2022 12:51

I think your comment 'I have status' says it all

2bazookas · 12/04/2022 12:54

No. I think she was just overwhelmed and perhaps intimidated because she felt out of her depth.

Ionlydomassiveones · 12/04/2022 12:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Thejoyfulstar · 12/04/2022 12:55

I get it OP. You wanted to surprise your mum and thought she would be excited by the upgrade. You arent trying to undermine her with your status but thought it would a fun 'extra'. I'd be disappointed too.