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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum was being rude?

182 replies

Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 10:59

Just came back from a trip to London with my mum and we spent the night in a 5* hotel. We both love London and my mum had a voucher to use a hotel for an overnight stay so thought it was perfect.

She doesn’t really get to experience staying in hotels so I decided to book the room in my name as I have status with this particular hotel and because of that - we were upgraded to a two bedroom suite from a basic room. It was so opulent (think marble bathrooms, so much space in the bedrooms) and her reaction really surprised me! She didn’t say anything about the fact there are two bedrooms and a living room as opposed to a twin room. I asked her have you noticed we have been upgraded once we were in the room for an hour and she responses with “yeah it’s nice” in the most monotone way possible. She acted like this was something she does every time she comes to London and checks in into a hotel.
We went to visit my sister who was staying at Travelodge and she was more impressed with the Travelodge than the hotel we stayed in.

AIBU to think she was being rude?

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 12/04/2022 14:46

Your Mum saying Its nice when talking about the place is not rude, it's probably the kind of thing I would say, as I never go overboard with comments about fancy places. You have a different mindset to your Mother.

Deadringer · 12/04/2022 14:47

Could be worse, she could have screamed when she saw it. Wink
Tbf, in your mum's shoes I would have been delighted with the opulance, but probably worried that I would have to pay extra on top of the voucher.

Pixiedust1234 · 12/04/2022 14:59

I have only skimmed through some posts but i don't think she was rude at all. There is no moral or legal right to have to gush over something.

Maybe your mother didn't gush over the upgrade because she doesn't like marble and gold taps? Or whatever wallpaper they had? Maybe she thought it was ugly and not beautiful like you did. Maybe she was worried about marking or spillages and the extra costs for cleaning marble and shagpile carpets etc compared to the normal furnishings? That can put a dampner on living somewhere.

Personally I think she hated the decor so was being nice by not commenting at all. Try not to overthink it.

Hope you all had a lovely trip anyway.

MzHz · 12/04/2022 15:02

My mother would have fallen all over herself NOT to acknowledge my effort suchlike

The gushing over the travelodge of dsis is telling

Saatchi apparently never ate Nigellas food… insisting on nursery meals because it would kill him to acknowledge her

My abusive ex was similar, he’d have gone hungry rather than eat something I’d cooked that wasn’t on the list of foods HE could cook.

Shinyandnew1 · 12/04/2022 15:07

Maybe she would have preferred sharing the twin room with you still spend time together, rather than having separate rooms.

as I have status with this particular hotel

Sorry, but that really makes you sound incredibly pompous. Perhaps your general attitude has come across.

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 15:15

@MzHz

My mother would have fallen all over herself NOT to acknowledge my effort suchlike

The gushing over the travelodge of dsis is telling

Saatchi apparently never ate Nigellas food… insisting on nursery meals because it would kill him to acknowledge her

My abusive ex was similar, he’d have gone hungry rather than eat something I’d cooked that wasn’t on the list of foods HE could cook.

See I can’t help but feel this way! She has always preferred my sister over me
OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 12/04/2022 15:16

Perhaps the sister has status at Travelodge and got an extra teabag. Even Shania Twain would be impressed by that.

Beees · 12/04/2022 15:18

See I can’t help but feel this way! She has always preferred my sister over me

If that were true surely she would have invited your sister to the hotel she has always wanted to go to or her husband but instead she chose to invite you.

Jobsharenightmare · 12/04/2022 15:21

I know you've explained it but your status comments still make me cringe for you.

dollydimple123 · 12/04/2022 15:26

My Nan is like this. You could serve her tea at the ritz and get nothing but take her to Morrisons cafe and she will rave about the fish and chips haha! She very rarely gives much of a reaction unless she hates something and luxury just isn't something she sees/needs I guess

ladydimitrescu · 12/04/2022 15:28

Ffs - you don't have status in this hotel, you have the equivalent of a loyalty card.
That's like me saying I've got status in Costa.

Lou98 · 12/04/2022 15:30

Well this was the sort of response I was expecting, not for me to get on her hands and knee praising me like others have suggested . She got randomly upgraded on a flight before and was gushing to me how fabulous it was from start to finish and how she’d love to experience it again so I thought this was a perfect opportunity!

Except though you've said she didn't know it was an upgrade - so she wouldn't know any different.

I agree that there's some strange responses on here and I don't think getting the upgrade was an issue in any way, I don't know many people (or any at all) that would turn down a free upgrade. It made sense to book it in your name when you use the hotel a lot.

I also don't think your Mum was being rude though so for that I do think YABU. At the end of the day, it's just a hotel room, I find it a bit odd that you expected some big reaction, especially when as far as she knows it was her that paid for it so she probably didn't think she needed to emphasise how nice it was to show gratitude in any way.

I think unless there's a big back story, this is really one to just let go and realise that you both have different views and ways of reacting to things

Original poster
Hairbrush123 · 12/04/2022 15:31

@Beees

See I can’t help but feel this way! She has always preferred my sister over me

If that were true surely she would have invited your sister to the hotel she has always wanted to go to or her husband but instead she chose to invite you.

That isn’t true. This is the first time I’ve ever been invited somewhere during my adult life with my mum. My dad didn’t want to go and my sister was going that weekend anyway.
OP posts:
ManyATime · 12/04/2022 15:41

See I can’t help but feel this way! She has always preferred my sister over me

Hmm. It’s difficult to say.
That feeling explains why you didn’t openly crow about the upgrade. So having not given her a clear cue for an impressed reaction, it is not clear that she deliberately snubbed you.

skybluee · 12/04/2022 15:44

Maybe she had picked out the room and was excited, looking forward to that. Then you stepped in and when you turned up the room was totally different to what she'd picked. So maybe she felt a bit put out as it was meant to be her treat. Or maybe she felt like you felt that the (original) room wasn't good enough? Or maybe she felt uncomfortable. You could ask her and see.

Whatsthepoint4 · 12/04/2022 15:55

Maybe she felt like you're always staying in rooms like that so wanted to act cool about it. With your sisters travel lodge maybe she was gushing about that so your sister didn't feel bad, I.e she was being humble.

If she'd have gone on about your hotel room your sister might have been upset/jealous etc

Maybe your Mum just felt uncomfortable with the discrepancy- one sibling in a suite, the other in a travel lodge.

She might have been gushing about one and playing down the other to keep a balance and harmony between her girls?

Maybe anyway?

DietrichandDiMaggio · 12/04/2022 15:57

I don't understand why at the time of booking you didn't just say something like " Let me use the voucher to book the hotel in my name, because I have loyalty points through work, so they might upgrade us."

It just seems odd that you expected her to realise on arrival that you'd been upgraded, and that it must be because you booked rather than her, and then be grateful and gush about it.

TurningUpMyStereotype · 12/04/2022 15:58

Or maybe she just wasn’t impressed because it’s just a hotel suite. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Groo · 12/04/2022 16:03

11:09LadyTwinkle

Maybe she was upset because it was supposed to be her treat for you? and you unintentionally turned it into your treat to her?

THIS

Tillerman · 12/04/2022 16:05

She paid for it? You got an upgrade because of your ‘status’, she didn’t ask you to do this. You’re the rude one expecting your Mother to kiss your arse because you’re so vaaairy important.

grapewines · 12/04/2022 16:18

@TurningUpMyStereotype

Or maybe she just wasn’t impressed because it’s just a hotel suite. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Also this. But that's probably because I've never slept in 5-star hotels. I'm very much not their target audience.
Yellownightmare · 12/04/2022 16:51

See I can’t help but feel this way! She has always preferred my sister over me

This explains why you're feeling upset. In that case I don't blame you OP. I'm sorry that she makes you feel that way. There's not much you can do about that, except just put your energy into other relationships and not try to please her so much. Flowers

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 17:37

I think you took over and she must of felt maybe you paid for upgrade etc
Some people aren't wowed by expensive things and may even feel out of pkace

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 17:38

Also sounded like you are looking For compliments , most have given ideas why your mum may not of been gushing but you seem to not agree

Octomore · 12/04/2022 17:40

@Cheeseandlobster

What a weird post. It's like you want her to gush about how "your status" and how wonderful it is.
This.

I'm not bothered about hotel rooms, personally, so I wouldn't gush over it either. If I go on a trip, it's because I want to spend my time outside the hotel room.