To end a friendship due to his use of sex workers?

[Cornishjam1162]

It has recently come to light that a friend of 15 years is a regular customer of sex workers. We have always wondered why he never wanted to date again after getting a divorce and now it makes sense. I would have never had him down as the type and I'm shocked to say the least. I don't know the circumstances behind why the women do that line of work but there's always the risk that they're not doing it out of their own free will isn't there? I feel like he could well be exploiting vulnerable women.

Would you end a friendship over this? Am I being too judgemental?

Apologies for daily mail 'femail' (ugh) link but she writes very well and has researched this topic.

I would. Deal breaker for me. I don't personally like the term sex workers because whilst I do not wish to condemn women who engage in the 'oldest profession', I never want it to be normalised so that men can think of it as normal and acceptable.

But that's my point. If another job paid as much and was simple, would you elect to spend your time talking to sleazy men who are partly getting off on the fact that you have to do stuff with them, whether you like it or not? I'd be surprised if you really thought that you would.

They are prostituted women. There is usually a pimp making money off them. A woman's body is not a workplace. Women should not have to rent their orifices to make a living. The men who use prostituted women act out violent fantasies, that they won't do on 'real' women. This is based on research on women who have survived prostitution. See Rachel Moran and Julie Bindel for the real facts.

*Studies show that the ability to buy women for sex does not reduce male violence against women.

''A UN study of violent men in six countries found that buying sex was the second most significant common factor in the backgrounds and lifestyles of men found guilty of rape''
nordicmodelnow.org/facts-about-prostitution/fact-buying-sex-makes-men-more-prone-to-violence-against-women/*

This doesn't surprise me. Not only does it increase the idea that it's a transaction and not a loving, or at least mutually enjoyable act, it's the reduction of consent that would generally be implied in a reciprocal relationship. I looked at the reviews in that link supplied above and it was all about how she was loving it (his cock). Being cum on in the face, and having to lick her wee off his body.

I know people have kinks but how many women would really want that. But these guys kid themselves that the women absolutely love it as they have to pretend to get the cash. It's not a massive leap from that into thinking all women would love their cocks (gagging for it 🤮) and it's okay to coerce a woman into as she's not really bothered and anyway all women should be available for them.

But that's my point. If another job paid as much and was simple, would you elect to spend your time talking to sleazy men who are partly getting off on the fact that you have to do stuff with them, whether you like it or not? I'd be surprised if you really thought that you would.

See but that's the thing. Again, not speaking for everyone. But in my circle you only take on clients you want to take on. You speak beforehand on what you both want to happen and then do what you have agreed on.

Again, not everyone. But in our circle, you do what YOU want. Not what the man wants. He is paying you yes but you've agreed to his requests before hand. I've turned down so many requests from men because I'm not into what their after.

I know people have kinks ..... theres a well known kink site within "my" community and so many women love that sort of thing.

It just depends who you know really doesn't it. So many are shocked on here yet if your on this side of the world then it's all pretty normal stuff

Ahh forgot to add. Again people probably wouldn't take on a proper job that paid the same because its taxable income. For every 1000 you made your get maybe 250 took off you. With what we do we get to keep the lot of it

100% agree with the post upthread by Shakirasma:

‘Regardless of the woman's circumstances, any man who believes a woman's body is a commodity to be rented, like a car or a skip, is a scumbag. They cannot possibly have any respect for women as human beings, not do they deserve a scrap of mine. I could not remain friends with them.’

He’s an abuser.

No doubt some women choose this. But a large proportion of women do not and yet their voices are always silenced by the "happy hookers". Yes okay you decided to prostitute yourself, but why does that give you the right to speak over the majority of prostituted women who do this only because they have no choice? They're not making bank, they're not choosing their clients. The average age of entry into prostitution in the UK is 14.

Not only are these women and girls being daily abused and exploited, whenever we try to discuss their situation we are talked over by male punters and women talking about how "sex work" is empowering. Maybe for you it is. I don't care. I care about the women and children whose lives are damaged and destroyed by this industry.

@babywalker56 Great response, I can't believe the hysterical responses on here, the rape one is particularly ott. What business it is of the OP what he does in his private life. Many many 'sex workers' are doing it to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. I assume the ott posters on here also disagree with women who hire male escorts or is that ok?????

beastlyslumber

Clearly you didnt read my posts properly then because I said several times I wasnt speaking for everyone, just my circle

If your going to get hysterical and start throwing out accusations of me "silencing & speaking over" people who have no choice at least make sure that's what I was actually saying. Because I wasnt and if you read my posts properly youd see that. I said for my circle, not for everyone.

But you knew that's what I wasnt saying and still decided to write your little rant

OP you are not being unreasonable at all. Although my friends and I have varied views on a variety of topics, I think they are all decent loving humans who care about the welfare of other humans, male and female. Men who buy the bodies of prostituted women to abuse are not decent loving humans and would not be my friends. No matter how much those women apparently 'choose' to do it

I'm glad to see the vast majority of responses on this thread care about the women involved and don't think men should just be allowed to fuck whomever they want regardless of how and why they are there and whether they have consented. It's sad to me that some people think that's ok but society has done an absolute number on us (women and girls included) gaslighting us into believing 'sex work' is valid work.

I spent 4 hours with a man the other day, we chatted for 3 1/2 hours of that and had sex for maybe 15 minutes. I got £500 for those 4 hours 🤷‍♀️ why would I want a career when I can make £1000 in a day from spending most of my day just talking?

That's not the experience of most women though is it. Much more frequent is going to be the situation of a degrading and unpleasant 20 minutes for a rate that's easily affordable for a man to pay from an aveage income - do you think most clients spend £500? Of course not. They're also often risking disease from clients who don't want to use condoms and injury from those who get off on violence, and often aren't able to refuse for various reasons.

If an end to this trade in human flesh can't be consigned to history just yet, then a minimum price of transaction could at leaat make a difference by cutting off the lower end of the spectrum. A regulated minimum transaction value of £500 for example. It's somewhat abhorrent to suggest this because I don't actually think that it's reasonable to buy and sell sex at all, but with a high minimum price and regulations that ensure that women are fully in control of which clients they accept and preventing pimps from profiting from them, that could make a big difference.

BuanoKubiamVej

If you can copy and paste where I've said that it's the usual experience? Or will you not be able to as I've said repeatedly it's not the same for everyone, but is in my circle

I'm not hysterical or ranting, please stop the misogynistic insults @ErmIDontKnow.

beastlyslumber Yes, you were. You decided to go off on a rant accusing me of silencing and speaking over victims of the trade when I'd repeatedly said in my circle not for everyone and now instead of acknowledging that you did that you've decided to to ignore what I said again

But your circle is not relevant to the conversation. In your circle everyone is happy and the clients are all good looking and respectful. How nice for you. It has nothing to do with the actual reality of vulnerable women and children abused and exploited. The OP's friend uses women like you to justify what they do to women and children who have no choice. Your comments enable men like him.

I'm not ignoring you. I'm telling you your comments are exactly what punters use to justify their exploitation of women and children. That's what I mean by you silencing and speaking over them. You may acknowledge their existence but you promote the narrative that means their voices go unheard.

beastlyslumber Your purposely trying to be argumentative and keep ignoring what I've wrote.

I don't know the circumstances behind why the women do that line of work but there's always the risk that they're not doing it out of their own free will isn't there? I feel like he could well be exploiting vulnerable women

I then replied to the OP saying In my opinion it depends really doesn't it. Where is he meeting these woman? I know theres woman out there who are cohersed into doing it but theres also a lot of women out there who do it of their own free will and make a pretty penny from it

So yes it is relevant because i am stating what it's like from one side of the coin while also being aware it's not the same case for everyone.

And your assuming her friend is going for vulnerable exploited woman where as I have asked where is he meeting them, as that makes all the difference

My comments dont enable men like him at all, your being ridiculous and argumentative for the sake of being a nasty cow really arnt you. I've repeatedly said I know it's not the same for everyone and was giving my experience whilst acknowledging I know it's not like that for everyone, just the people I know

I'm going to ignore any replies from you now as your literally ranting over things you've made up. Not one thing you've said about my posts is true, yet your hysterical and angry over your own made up dribble

[quote lollipoprainbow]@babywalker56 Great response, I can't believe the hysterical responses on here, the rape one is particularly ott. What business it is of the OP what he does in his private life. Many many 'sex workers' are doing it to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. I assume the ott posters on here also disagree with women who hire male escorts or is that ok????? [/quote]
@lollipoprainbow I honestly wonder!

I’m not sure what it is what MN and painting ALL women out to be victims and exploited but it really isn’t the case. The rape comment was so far fetched, I can’t believe someone actually wrote that🤦‍♀️

I wonder what life would be like if men couldn't pay for sex?
Maybe they'd have to get better at it. Imagine a world where no-one assumes that the sex session is over as soon as he's had an orgasm!

@babywalker56 unbelievable !!

The rape comment was so far fetched, I can’t believe someone actually wrote that

If someone has sex with someone knowing full well this person might've been trafficked and might be being forced then you know consent is not being given. Therefore without knowing which women have been you can assume that you know the person in front of you likely has been. You know you are having sex with someone who likely is being forced and as a result is not able to freely give her consent. You know this yet you still do this. What is this called? Having sex without consent...rape.

I would struggle to be friends with him anymore and would view him differently.

We will all know someone that we have no idea or would never suspect that will have paid for sex it’s uncomfortable but many men do

@JayniSummers

www.ukpunting.com/index.php?board=25.0

I post this each and every time the debate comes up. If you are ever in doubt about how men see women who they buy for sex read the negative reviews . This is who you are considering your friendship with , this . I'm sorry if you feel your friend is a nice guy , he isn't

The positive reviews are equally disgusting. One person boasts they are an expert in buying bargain basement BJs 🤮