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Original poster

To end a friendship due to his use of sex workers?

318 replies

Cornishjam1162 · 11/04/2022 11:45

It has recently come to light that a friend of 15 years is a regular customer of sex workers. We have always wondered why he never wanted to date again after getting a divorce and now it makes sense. I would have never had him down as the type and I'm shocked to say the least. I don't know the circumstances behind why the women do that line of work but there's always the risk that they're not doing it out of their own free will isn't there? I feel like he could well be exploiting vulnerable women.

Would you end a friendship over this? Am I being too judgemental?

OP posts:
Anyfeckinusername · 11/04/2022 11:49

I have noooooo respect for any man that wants to pretend these are women who happen to like sex so make a business out of it.

I would not be friends with someone who thought like that, no.

KimWexlersPonyTail · 11/04/2022 11:50

I dont judge the women who do it but I judge the men who use them. I hate the term sex worker also, it seems to normalise the buying and selling of women and its not true consent. I 3xoect the cool gang will be along to tell me it's empowering.

KimWexlersPonyTail · 11/04/2022 11:50

Meant to add I couldnt be friends wth him.

NowNowDermot · 11/04/2022 11:52

Consent can't be bought, I couldn't continue a friendship with him, he'd make my skin crawl.

Thedogscollar · 11/04/2022 11:52

I'd end it in a heartbeat.

DogsAndGin · 11/04/2022 11:54

Not the kind of person I want to know. Low morals

Original poster
Cornishjam1162 · 11/04/2022 11:55

There was never any indication that he would do something like that and I'm in shock that my character judgement could be so off.

He has got his head in the clouds and doesn't think he is doing anything wrong Confused

OP posts:
Fimofriend · 11/04/2022 11:57

There are very few prostitutes who do it voluntarily. Mostly there is some form of coercion and/or someone else getting the majority of the money. Due to this, I do NOT consider sex with a prostitute to actually be sex with someone who has consented to it.

Original poster
Cornishjam1162 · 11/04/2022 11:59

Be assured I have made my thoughts crystal clear about it, there is no getting through to him that he is being exploitative as he's adamant the people he sees are doing it off their own volition. How could he possibly know that?

OP posts:
MrsKeats · 11/04/2022 12:08

Would cut contact. Men who use women like this are dreadful.

incognitoforthisone · 11/04/2022 12:13

You can end a friendship for any reason you want.

If you feel that what someone is doing is immoral or unpleasant or totally in contradiction of your values, of course it's OK to end a friendship. Nobody's obliged to keep hanging out with someone whose behaviour they dislike or find repugnant. I wouldn't be mates with someone who, for example, went fox-hunting because the thought of it makes my skin crawl. Nor would I be able to stay friends with anti-vaxxer, or a racist, or someone who'd hit their wife, or whatever.

I've no idea whether any of my male friends go to sex workers but if I had to consider this issue specifically in a friendship, I think it would very much depend on the nature of the sex workers the man in question was using. I thinking going to a massage parlour likely to be full of coerced or trafficked women is abhorrent, as is approaching a sex worker on the street who is likely to be desperate and exploited, for example. I don't think I'd be friends with a man who couldn't see that this was a problem.

But I do have a female friend who is a sex worker in addition to her main job, and the form of sex work she does is on her own terms and not something I see any problem with anyone paying for (whether they were male or female - about a quarter of her clients are women).

Boood · 11/04/2022 12:17

I would not want to be friends with someone who thinks women are commodities and can be bought and sold. It’s fundamentally misogynist.

housemaus · 11/04/2022 12:19

YANBU to end a friendship for any reason, and not having aligning morals is an especially good reason.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 11/04/2022 12:20

He's a rapist. He'd be out of my life in a flash.

BuanoKubiamVej · 11/04/2022 12:22

I wouldn't want a friend who thinks it's ok to buy sex, it's abhorrent. It's impossible to fully assess whether any individual sex worker has got into that situation with fully informed consent and without it being a reaction to a past trauma or exploitation that needs healing rather than being taken advantage of. Therefore any moral person would have nothing to do with it. It's also repellant for sex to be portrayed as a buyable service rather than an aspect of a loving and committed relationship (so I would be just as unlikely to have a friend who had a series of one-night stands with dates who he wined and dined and then expected sex from as that's not that far away conceptually)

Pinkmendinilla · 11/04/2022 12:27

Yeah. I had/ have a male friend (teenage ex actually) who told me all about his visit to a SW once. I have distanced myself completely. He described how she was quite disengaged and didn't want to discuss her life with him or let him do certain sexual positions. My skin crawled since I would not have wanted to have sex with someone not enjoying it or my company.

He gets in touch very occasionally, say if someone has died that I might've known through him, but I don't want to know him more than that. It quite often becomes all about him and his problems. Very odd individual.

KarmaStar · 11/04/2022 12:31

Not all sex workers are unwilling.some,many,enjoy the income and it suits their path in life at that time.
Don't be so easy to judge until you know all the facts.

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 11/04/2022 12:33

Any man who thinks it’s ok to buy women’s bodies is a misogynist prick.

Shakirasma · 11/04/2022 12:35

Regardless of the woman's circumstances, any man who believes a woman's body is a commodity to be rented, like a car or a skip, is a scumbag. They cannot possibly have any respect for women as human beings, not do they deserve a scrap of mine. I could not remain friends with them.

Original poster
Cornishjam1162 · 11/04/2022 12:36

@KarmaStar

Not all sex workers are unwilling.some,many,enjoy the income and it suits their path in life at that time. Don't be so easy to judge until you know all the facts.
That's part of the problem isn't it? Nobody does know all of the facts, that includes him.

OK so there might be some women who have chosen that path because they want to, but alot of the women who do it are doing it out of desperation or coercion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cornishjam1162 · 11/04/2022 12:38

@Shakirasma

Regardless of the woman's circumstances, any man who believes a woman's body is a commodity to be rented, like a car or a skip, is a scumbag. They cannot possibly have any respect for women as human beings, not do they deserve a scrap of mine. I could not remain friends with them.
I agree. It's a total lack of respect for women in general. He has two daughters and a son. What an example he is setting
OP posts:
horseyhorsey17 · 11/04/2022 12:49

I couldn't be friends with a john.

Original poster
Cornishjam1162 · 11/04/2022 13:12

@horseyhorsey17

I couldn't be friends with a john.
John?
OP posts:
Anyfeckinusername · 11/04/2022 13:31

A John, a punter, a prostitute’s client base…

I also think the term sex worker is awful as PP said.

I read Rachel Moran’s “Paid For” a few years ago. I will never, ever come off my line of thought now… extremely powerful book.

Original poster
Cornishjam1162 · 11/04/2022 13:44

I'm sorry i didn't realise the term sex worker was offensive, I'll rethink using it in the future. Thank you for the heads up

OP posts: